Thoroughly British Humour What?

Last Update: October 12, 2014

British Humour, an Oldie but a Goodie

ALERTS TO RECENT THREATS TO MANY COUNTRIES IN 2014.

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ...

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,

British writer, actor.....andtallperson

Join the Discussion
Write something…
Recent messages
divadejunk Premium Plus
Outstanding!
Reply
cubandane Premium
Good to hear from you Sharon and glad you liked it. All the best.
Reply
BrooklynPhil Premium
Brilliant.
Reply
cubandane Premium
Thanks Phil. Btw. I just watched your video on Brooklyn Park. Good one mate. Very smooth capture.
Reply
BrooklynPhil Premium
Why thank you.
I have another video I did of my parrots, with a 'Monty Python', John Cleese clip. The language in the video is quite obscene, not from Monty Python.

If you want a link to it, PM me. Don't PM me if you have sensitive ears, because I promise you the expletives come fast and often.
Reply
cubandane Premium
Will do, give me a day or soand I'll get back to you.
Reply
CarlaIves Premium
Great giggle! Love John Cleese and Monty Python. Thanks, Simon!
Reply
cubandane Premium
Glad you liked it Carla, my favourite humour too!
Reply
MarilynM Premium
Good one Simon. Love the Belgians. Aussies? Too true!
Reply
cubandane Premium
Thanks Marilyn, I couldn't resist posting it as it is almost as relevant now as it was back then. Hope all is well with you. All the best, Simon
Reply
MarilynM Premium
Same to you Simon.
Reply
tmmom Premium
Love it, Love John Cleese! He also appeared in a number of very entertaining training videos many years ago!
Reply
Top