Thoroughly British Humour What?

19
923 followers
Updated

British Humour, an Oldie but a Goodie

ALERTS TO RECENT THREATS TO MANY COUNTRIES IN 2014.

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ...

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,

British writer, actor.....andtallperson

Login
Create Your Free Wealthy Affiliate Account Today!
icon
4-Steps to Success Class
icon
One Profit Ready Website
icon
Market Research & Analysis Tools
icon
Millionaire Mentorship
icon
Core “Business Start Up” Training

Recent Comments

45

Hilarious! Thank you for sharing :)

My pleasure and yours. Simon

Thanks for the Saturday morning humor John. Enjoy your weekend.

My pleasure Zora, glad you liked it. Cheers, Simon.

I love John Cleese's humour. Fawlty Towers always reminded me of the guest house my grandmother had in the Isle of Man when I was a child. Yes, I recorded all 12 episodes of Fawlty Towers when it was airing on TV and I've watched them all umpteen times. My favourite one-liner was from Manuel when both Basil and Sybil were sick: Baz-ILL, Syb-ILL, Man-WELL. ~Marion

Interesting take on World View's. :))

In the face of adversity one must resort to humour!

I love humor. I really like Dr Who too...Lol, followed Monty Python as well, two of my favorite shows.

Me too. There's not enough of it even though it is oft said that laughter is the best medicine which it is. No good being miserable or too serious about life.

I so agree, they even have laughing yoga now over here anyways..Lol..

Really? I am imagining it being good for the tummy muscles. " I laughed till my stomach hurt" "He split his sides laughing" etc...

Yes, I believe mostly overweight people attend these, that would make it relevant for tightening tummy muscles. Good for the mind as well. :))

You beat me to it Simon, I was just about to post this! Great 'Pythonesque' humour as only John Cleese can express it! LOL!
~Arthur

Did it come round to you too? Great stuff I reckon!

It did, thanks Simon....not just one email...but many, just goes to show how internationally popular John Cleese is!

Yes, and nicely segued into present times and will continue to do so whilst ever we keep having these stupid wars! Long live Cleese.

Outstanding!

Good to hear from you Sharon and glad you liked it. All the best.

Brilliant.

Thanks Phil. Btw. I just watched your video on Brooklyn Park. Good one mate. Very smooth capture.

Why thank you.
I have another video I did of my parrots, with a 'Monty Python', John Cleese clip. The language in the video is quite obscene, not from Monty Python.

If you want a link to it, PM me. Don't PM me if you have sensitive ears, because I promise you the expletives come fast and often.

Will do, give me a day or soand I'll get back to you.

Great giggle! Love John Cleese and Monty Python. Thanks, Simon!

Glad you liked it Carla, my favourite humour too!

Good one Simon. Love the Belgians. Aussies? Too true!

Thanks Marilyn, I couldn't resist posting it as it is almost as relevant now as it was back then. Hope all is well with you. All the best, Simon

Same to you Simon.

Love it, Love John Cleese! He also appeared in a number of very entertaining training videos many years ago!

See more comments

Login
Create Your Free Wealthy Affiliate Account Today!
icon
4-Steps to Success Class
icon
One Profit Ready Website
icon
Market Research & Analysis Tools
icon
Millionaire Mentorship
icon
Core “Business Start Up” Training