It is never easy to hear criticism
Criticism
It is never easy to hear criticism. Whether it is justified or unjustified.
Whether it is on your behavior, your functioning or the things you have made. How can you deal assertively with that? What is an assertive response to criticism? The main thing is that you react in such a way that your self-esteem is not reduced and no conflict arises.
What you should therefore not do:
- Becoming very defensive (defensive or defensive) or even aggressive.
- Use the counterattack
- Excavated in excuses
- Creating a drama by, for example, shouting 'I never do anything right'
- Deny if the criticism is justified
Keep in mind that you too can make mistakes. That is no excuse for the mistake, but it may help to put your first instinctive reaction into perspective. The world does not perish, now that you have made a mistake. Criticism is usually not about you as a person, but about something that you have done or have not done.
Criticism also says something about the other person, about how this person looks at things: it is usually not about you and 'people', but about you and this person. If you keep these thoughts in mind, it may be easier to deal with criticism.
The rules of thumb to deal with criticism well:
- Listen carefully to the criticism. Repeat what the other person means. This clearly shows what it is about.
- Ask for clarification if you do not know exactly what the other person means. What exactly is it about? If the other person criticizes you as a person, ask for the reason, because that's what it's about! Apparently you have done something that evokes this reaction: it is good to bring the criticism back to real proportions
- If you just do not know what to say, say so. For example, say it as "it overtakes you"
- Check whether you find the criticism right or wrong. Ask for some time for this, also to determine your reaction
- Indicate what you agree with and do not agree with
- Also let people know what it does to you to get this criticism
If the criticism is justified, please apologize. Also take action to change the situation (or your behavior). For example if you omitted something you should have done, this is a good time to do it quickly.
It can happen that you get criticism of something that someone else was actually responsible for. It is then not tactical to say "That is not my fault, but the fault of ...". Or when you were responsible to say: "I am too busy to take my responsibilities..."
A good way is to say "Sorry, that should not have happened, I make sure it is rectified". With that you acknowledge the vision of the other person, without losing your self-respect. Moreover, it can prevent a (endless) discussion.
Recent Comments
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What this is about Loes? Have been in mountains (see the picture, this is what I was watching these days, for you free of charge); but from the reactions realize there is some background.
Though, nobody likes criticism, this is a part of our nature, some call it the primadonna attitude, we all are primadonnas in our own eyes.
But the attached picture is on purpose - imagine how small and fragile one can feel when/if you manage to get to such a place and get confronted with the beauty and power of nature. This puts things into perspective and makes us better humans. I am afraid, I myself have to climb much more to get rid of such a primadonna's mentality.
Hi Jovo, beautiful mountain picture again, I hope you've enjoyed your trip, where was this picture taken?
There was a discussion on a blog where criticism wasn't taken too well.
I see. This was Jalovec in the Slovenian Alps, a very hard mountain to climb but it brought me to tears because of all the positive excitements.
A very profound post about criticism. Some people can take it, some can't...and you get attacked for highlighting points which rightly deserve an answer.
Thank you, James. when you create something and there arise questions, you do need to answer, whether you like it or not, no matter how busy you are
I have watched training, and asked questions, both in blog and in PM, but never got any answers back.
I felt disappointed at the trainer and the lack of support behind the training. In fact, I hardly watch these anymore. I found it pointless if my questions aren't answered.
When you provide training, you do get questions, and I think, it's the responsibility of the trainer to answer those questions, you can't say, sorry, I am too busy to do that. You can either hire someone to take over your tasks or provide less training to be able to live up to the expectations people have from you.
Yes, questions are bound to arise after any form of training provided, and I agree that it is the responsibility of the trainer to follow up on any questions asked.
'Sorry, and I am too busy', doesn't help at all in answering to any difficulties by those who used precious time to follow the training...
Sometimes it takes some getting used to if you have been criticised for a lot during your lifetime. I was always one of those who was always right even when wrong when I was younger.
Now I have learned to appreciate criticism for what it is. An objective view of something I have written or done.
Sometimes others don't mean to be critical but to me, the objective criticism makes me a better person.
Derek
It's good to take a few steps back, and consume the criticism before jumping to a reaction you might regret lateron
Good post Loes, think that sometimes that it depends at the time how we are feeling in ourselves how we respond to criticism. Often I think OK, other times I do let the hackles rise.
Stuart
That's right, the mood you are in can influence your reaction, also from which angle the criticism comes
I read the post went to see what all the fuss was about and when I came back the post was nowhere to be seen, a quick change of heart may be.
Not sure that either you or Dereck were aiming criticism more a case of stating facts behind the ranking system, both of which were constructive and fact.
I remain of the opinion that if you create something, you can not assume that the community will answer the questions about your creation. You, as a creator, remain the main person responsible. I deleted once a training-blog, I wasn't able to answer deeper lying questions from.
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I don't sometimes understand the English language and may be I am answering the wrong way.
That's the gap that should be filled by questioning.
It is better is communication is in person not in the wave. You see the expression of the face you can see the actions and that fills the gap.
Body language can indeed work very clarifying when it comes to delivering criticism, you are even able to give a hug when someone is sad about it. Online, that's not always possible.
That's right Loes.