Falling Out? Always Time for an " I am Sorry "
Good day to all of you, here comes my monthly post.
I started with WA in January this year. As I mentioned in a previous post, in the beginning, I did not have much time for anything. Too many things to look at, comprehend and then put into practice with more or less good results.Now, after all these months, feeling more confident as I can do some things myself without the help of my Technical Manager, a certain calm has arrived. Even if I still feel a bit stressed when publishing day has arrived for my 2 websites,( I decided that it would be on a Monday), now it is more fun than in the past.
The people I am in contact with through posts and also PM’s have become more familiar, each with her or his character traits. I know there are more people in my age group but in general, I think you are all younger or a lot younger. WA is a big worldwide family. I personally think that makes it even more interesting. WA includes people from all walks of life, different backgrounds, religion, education, color and age groups. That is why we should remember these differences when communicating with each other. We do not sit opposite each other while talking and that is why sometimes things might not be well understood. I see it myself every day. My family is small, 4 cats, 1 dog and my better half who left the US last year in August. His Mother tongue is English. When I was 16 years old I went to 2 different schools in England to learn English. One would think we speak the same language right? Wrong! Besides the fact that men come from Mars and women from Venus our knowledge of English gives us the idea we speak the same language but that is not always true. There are subtle and sometimes not so subtle differences on what we think a word means. It can also happen that he uses a word I have never heard before in my life.
2 People sometimes have problems in communicating. How about all the people in the WA family? I have heard and also read about some friction here and there. In and of itself this is not a real problem as we are all humans and might have a bad day. It becomes a problem if no solution is found for it and the negative situation continues. First of all, it will influence your work in a negative way. When one is happy, at peace with the world, and therefore in a positive mindset, all the work we do will be easier with better and bigger results.
There is a nice saying in Spain: Hablando la gente se intende. This means that speaking to each other we will be understood. It is bad when the communication stops. I know there is a to Follow button but some time ago I learned about an- I will block you- button. I had no idea and do not know where to find it. I do not want to know where it is as I have decided to never ever block a person from communicating with me. In case there might arise a misunderstanding we luckily have the possibility here in WA to PM each other. In a PM one can talk about whatever in private.
In a PM you also have the possibility to say, I am Sorry.
With best wishes from the south of Spain. Taetske
Recent Comments
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Thank you for this one.
Sometimes it is easy to be misunderstood, maybe all intentions were good, and then somebody misunderstood, felt hurt or just got up on the wrong foot.
I am sometimes very late in responding to PMs. Often it's because somebody wants me to take a look at things, and I can't do that without dedicating some time to do it properly. So to those who PM me; I'm sorry if I'm slow.
A bit down on DaveSW's profile, you'll find 7 notes that he wrote up about his experience and status after 2 years in WA. I fell in love with NOTE 4:
There are lots of smart people on this site...Follow the ones that are making sense to you...Some are more experienced than others, all are good!
Good evening Jorn,
Thank you for your comment. I went to Dave's profile and refreshed my memory. I am happy he says that all are good! That shows a positive attitude towards people and that is good indeed.
I feel upset when I observe the human disagreements which often could have been avoided by just talking.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Thank you Taetske, this is a really nice blog, and yes, we are from all different cultures, and a lot are not native English speakers, like me. I have had 4 years school English, and that was 40 years ago. There are a lot of words and phrases I misuse and/or don't fully comprehend.
Good evening Loes,
Well, you should hear me speaking Dutch with my aunt Rita in Holland. I get stuck and in such an emergency will use a German, Englis or Spanish word. As Paul would say, all good fun.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Very thoughtful! Sometimes it is better to explain your message clearly in a different way to ensure that the intent of the first message is understood, since communication is a two way effort. If there is no acknowledgement or proper response to the first message, and you think the receiver may not have understood, or misunderstood, a second effort may be worthwhile. As you say, difficult enough with one common language, let alone between people using many different first languages:-)
Good evening Alan,
Nice to see you again. I hope all is going well for you.
You are right, everybody deserves a second chance. When the first message is not understood one should at least try one more time.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Hi Taetske, Yes better to try and find some common ground, if possible, talking of which I spent several months staying in Benamargosa not far from Malaga in 2014, which was very enjoyable. Best Alan
Hi Taetske, you said all of this very well and it's so true.
Things can get misunderstood so easily communicating this way. We all need to have compassion for each other and accept each other the way we are without judgements. We should take the initiative to make sure all is understood.
Saying we are sorry can change everything around in a huge way and create trust. Life is too short to let things go on it's not worth it.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading this!
Good evening Patsy,
Thank you for reading my post.Communication makes the world go round but the lack of it blocks it. In our modern world, we communicate through machines not like in old times where families would gather during mealtimes. Anyhow, we can not turn the clock back but it is a good idea to practice talking every day.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
You are welcome, yes it's sad that it's all through machines.
Cell phones being used while in the same house instead of talking face to face.
I don't like it but this is how things have turned out.
Excellent and a very heartfelt post that you wrote, Taetske. The issue of people having the ability to compromise extends well beyond what takes place within the WA community.
There are just so many negative and if one thinks about it frightening issues taking place within the world that would be resolved if people among different races and ethnic groups would take the time to take a breath, slow down and at the very least talk to one another in a civilized tone.
There's absolutely no need to become belligerent and even threatening towards another human being just because he/she does not have the same moral, religious or political beliefs as you do.
Real attempts at communication is the key to making our world a much better place to live in.
Sadly too many people are hair-triggered to NOT be even willing to take a moment and listen to another person, if possible saying "I'm sorry" to him/her.
We often talk "at" each other instead of "to" each other!
Good evening Jeffrey,
Thank you for reading my post and your nice comment.
The world is in a worrying state at the moment and some people behave in a nearly uncontrollable way, very disturbing I find.
I would be happy if WA would be a better place and not a reflection of the real world outside.
I hope you are doing ok?
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Hi Taetske,
Beautiful message, thank you.
I agree that communication is very important, and while we are limited by communicating in writing and all speak different languages, we should stay connected and try to make ourselves clear in English, even if it requires several attempts to deliver an idea or a question.
Besides all the human languages, there is one more that we all need to learn, but not all of us are fluent in when we first join this community - it's a technical language. Thanks to WA and WordPress, we don't need to learn programming languages, but in order to communicate effectively, we have to be familiar with the specific terminology. Thanks to Loes, who created WA Terminology Dictionary. It helps a lot but still takes time to become comfortable with the terms. :)
It's nice to hear from you. Just wanted to say "Hi and be well!"
~ Julia
Good afternoon Julia,
Nice to see you again. Slowly but surely I am learning this technical language.When I was young I learned in total 6 languages but being young it is a lot easier I can tell you. Now at this age, a new one is difficult. I will have a look at Loes WA Dictionary, it rings a bell but I am not sure so better go and refresh my memory.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Hello Taetske, a heartfelt message this morning. I have deleted or unfriended a few and cut ties with a few others, personally and in business.
I've always been one to try to smooth ruffled feathers, being the one to say "I'm sorry" and to offer a compromise. It's not always about being right or wrong, it's about peace.
I wish you peace, love and prosperity.
Sue
Good afternoon Sue,
I agree with you. One should always try to smooth those feathers.
As the WA family is so big and diverse it is so easy to step on somebody's toes, that can hurt so we should be careful.
Thank you for the peace, love and prosperity, my best wishes also
go your way.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Hi Taetske, you speak with the voice of reason! As you say, there will always be disagreements within a family, but learning to compromise is also crucial social skill. I have found compromise to be the reason for many an educating discussion!
I had no idea that there is an 'I-will-block-you' button! What a horrible idea, I would much rather talk over an issue with someone and agree to disagree if necessary, than just switch them off? Eeeek, I'd hate to be the wrong end of that button! Have a good rest-of-the-week, Sue :)
Good afternoon Sue,
I do not like this block you button and you are right, it is much better to agree to disagree. That is the ideal situation in a civilized world. Civilized? oh may, what did I say.
We have all come here to learn how to build a website and then hopefully be successful with it. Having irritations with another member is a loss of valuable energy.
greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Beautifully stated, Taetske!
The truth is, there are some toxic situations and people, so sometimes it's best to remove them or yourself from that situation.
I've hit "unfollow" with one person; the reason had nothing to do with any disagreement, I just got this "vibe" that made me want to unfollow them. I'm certain that I was wrong in my perception, but that was during the first few months on this platform, so I don't regret that decision.
I understand that even if I get into a disagreement with someone, I'm really only seeing one part of who they are. Deciding to get resolved is great, but it does require that both people want that, no just one.
Greetings, from New York! Veronica
Good afternoon Veronica,
Of course, there are situations where it is best to disappear.
Still, I think one could at least try and listen as often behind not nice behaviors might be invisible reasons, invisible at first sight.
There are enough world messes going on and I would be happy to be able to say WA is different.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
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Hello Taetske. Wonderful post. I had insomnia so I thought "good opportunity to look in on WA" quickly as I have not had time again lately. Glad I did to discover your post; it takes courage and honesty to say "sorry" when we realize we may have upset or offended someone, even unintentionally, and it is good to be reminded that the avenues are there at WA to do this, openly or, if preferred, privately. The community spirit here is something special, but we still can't take it for granted and "sorry" when appropriate plays a big part to keep it strong.
Good evening Katharina,
Thank you for reading my post and your nice comment.I love that little Koala, well, I love nearly all animals. I hope your insomnia is not an often recurring thing. Sleep is one of the most important things to keep healthy and in balance.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske
Thank you Taetske - I do have bad sleeping habits and will have to reform as drinking coffee late into the night is another bad habit. At least I don't have sugar in it any more, lol.
I just intended to use the Koala temporarily till I sorted out an updated simple photo but it never happened and I really identify with the Koala now - it has served me well and I feel like I would be abandoning it, lol. I guess when I do sort something out with a photo I will have to keep the Koala there with me as well.
Good evening Katharina,
If you allow me saying this a herbal tea at night is way better than coffee. Sarah also cannot sleep. I told her this and also said 1 hour before going to bed no TV, no computer, soothing music and perhaps a little meditation might help.
Greetings from the south of Spain, Taetske