OK! I Admit It! I'm.....Socially Handicapped!!
I am NOT a social butterfly!
No, not even a moth! A pesky mosquito, maybe! Thing is, I've always been an observer. I watch people and how they respond to others and situations. Some would say this is "lurking"; my son would call me a "stalker." But, I'm neither. It started as a means of self defense.
There's Something You Need to Understand
At least about me, anyway. If you're an only child, you may not understand this, but if you have siblings, you might!
You might think that someone who grows up with lots of family around would be outgoing and engaging, right? This is not necessarily true and, in my case, it's not. Not that I can't be, mind you, it's just not a part of my personality. Therefore, socializing doesn't come natural to me; it's something I have to work on. Now, being the youngest could be a part of it. And being nine years younger than my closest sibling could be a part of it, too. But, I think the biggest reason for my silence is because I was told, a few too many times, to "shut up" and that what I had to say "wasn't important." Negative words can be very damaging, especially to the young. The one sentence that threw me into a psychological prison?
"No one wants to hear what you have to say."
Horrible, isn't it? Well, fortunately for me, I was also taught to not believe everything I hear, so I choose not to believe that. (I say choose because I still struggle with that one sentence everyday.) It has hurt me so much so that I made it a point to teach my daughter and son the exact opposite. And, thankfully, aside from the usual teenage awkwardness, they're socially engaging.
What Does This Have to DO with WA?
A lot, actually! YOU, the WA community, are helping me everyday! How? Through reading all the comments and seeing how you encourage and help each other! Deep in my soul, I KNOW that what I have learned, both here and through life experiences, is VALUABLE to SOMEONE! This is the kind of environment that people can thrive in; can become more than they thought they ever could be.
I Still Struggle
I'm doing better with social engagement within WA, although, I still fight with that damning sentence every time I go to respond to people. So, I humbly ask for two things:
- Your patience as I fight the good fight and overcome my social fears. I've always been better at communicating on "paper" than "in person." And, one day, I'll overcome that, too! But first, I have to work on something more pertinent to my business: "sharing" both here and on the (ugh!) "social networks."
- Your help with the "social networks" - I'm not sure how to "engage" people. I could do it when I was little, but as an adult, it's more difficult for me, now. (Perhaps I need to see myself in a different light so others can see me that way, too?)
I value your opinions and advice and, most important, I TRUST you!
Everyone of you have been a great blessing to me and I hope that I can be the same to you!
All My Best,
Beckie
Recent Comments
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I can relate to being socially challenged, I am just not a social person by nature. I tell my wife I make the lone wolf look like a party animal, lol.
When you are given such a damaging message as a child, over and over again, you can't help but internalize it. It becomes who you are. But the reverse is also true. And right now you are in a community of very positive feedback. You are doing all the right things. You say you turn to WA when things get rough, and that is such a good thing. The more you immerse yourself in the support and affirmation that you experience here, the more you will come to believe it, and courage and confidence will come from that. As a child, the message was that you were unworthy, and you believed it. You had no way to defend against that. As an adult, you can see that the childhood message was false. You no longer have to believe it and you can choose not to. Now at WA, the message is that you are clever and talented and capable of achieving greatness, and soon you will come to believe that, because that message is true. I believe in you, and can't wait to see what great things you accomplish. ...Judy
The Word says that the power of life and death are in the tongue. Negative words steal, hurt and destroy. Positive words heal, build up and bring life. If there was ever a place where so many people are built up and encouraged it's WA! And, I'm not ashamed to say it, but I'm soaking all this good stuff up; I've been a dry sponge for far too long! And I will build up my fellow WA peeps as often as I possibly can, because I know you need it, too! Thank you for the words of encouragement, Judy! :)
Hello Beckie,
There are some posts that just hit home aren't there? I know exactly how you are feeling. Wealthy Affiliate has been the making of me also and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. The community is amazing and we are all here to help each other.
I'm sorry that you are going through this trauma but it is so good that you can write about it here.
If I can help in any way (from one pesky mosquito to another!)please let me know.
Good luck and take care
Jackie
x
Hi Jackie (my fellow mosquito!) :) Thank you! I have to tell you I am SO thankful I found WA! I feel like I'm surrounded by a HUGE extended family! And you and everyone here just ROCK!
Hey, Beckie!
I'm sorry to hear about your experiences in the past. I don't know who came up with the terribly wrong phrase 'sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me', but it was a dumb move!
I strongly believe that that has played a huge role in validating children to say nasty things to one another because sadly, this is something that they have been taught well.
Kudos to you for stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching out to the community for support and guidance.
One thing to keep in mind here is that everything is in 'writing'. Like you said, while it may be easier for you - and others, myself included - to express yourself in this way, there is room for a drawback:
We lose the advantage of seeing people's expressions and hearing their voices.
Studies have shown that up to 93% of our communication is done through facial expression, body language and vocal intonation, leaving a mere 7% actually verbal (or in this case, written).
I am pointing this out because fairly often we can incorrectly misconstrue another's words and believe them to be written in a negative manner when in fact, the writer had no such intentions.
Especially for those of us who are sensitive to begin with, and more likely to 'pick up' on those hurtful cues - even when they don't exist - this is really important to keep in mind when communicating on social mediums where we're lacking personal connection.
While I focused on the positive aspect of the power of words, I did address that in a blog post for my site that can be found here: http://projectswag.org/the-immense-power-of-your-words
And lastly, I'd love for you to just watch this video clip. For no other reason than to remind you that you're awesome and you can inspire others to be awesome too :-) http://projectswag.org/channel-your-inner-kid-president-and-be-awesome
Cheers, Stephanie
Stephanie, I think you're right. I never understood that rhyme. It should say "sticks and stones my break my bones, but hateful words can burn me." (In fact, now that I think on it, a lot of the nursery rhymes we've been taught are a bit morbid.)
How do you leverage that 7% on social media?
Haha. Now, that's an excellent question! One that I can't provide an answer to, but perhaps you can ask the community.
I'm sure people will have some great ideas...
no and I mean no one has the right to hurt some one they way you have been hurt and by the grace of God you will be rewarded in heaven all the best
I agree, Maxiam! But I am one among many and I feel that I have a responsibility to learn from the experience, teach my kids a better way and move on! God bless!
Words can certainly hurt. And for a long time. I had some of that in my life, and you know what changed? When I started questioning those opinions, and I realized that just because someone says something, it's not necessarily the truth or the fact.
You're right, Miss Gordi! Words can leave scars the world can't see. But we certainly know they are there. I think, sometimes, without even thinking about it, people will say things out of their own pain.
"No one wants to hear what you have to say."
I think this sentence comes from years of people saying nothing the whole time they are talking. If you can engage me in a conversation with something that will help me fill a need or a curiosity, I think the sentence will change to "Listen to the information she has to share"
Terea, you just got me thinking about two things I need to right down and chew on for a bit. And, yeah, my Mom used to tell me that but I know what was behind it. Still, it does echo in the back of my mind some. I know who I am and whose I am and that's all that matters, really. With your and everyone else's help here at WA, I'm going to prove those words wrong!
I am happy to hear it Beckie. The power of the written word, depends on the writer, and if you set your mind to it, then nothing can stop you. Go conquer the world with powerful words!
Keep at it Beckie, it will get a little easier, and here at WA it will also become easier because people here are very awesome :-) I am a very shy and quiet person, but I have found myself actually engaging and even sometimes initiating conversations here at WA. I still hold back, its still hard for me too, but if you keep trying you will find the members here will be open to you and supportive and that will give you a little bit of confidence to reach out a little more and a little more... it will probably always be a struggle for us and many others, but this is a great place to start :-) I'm here to help in anyway I can ... keep on keeping on
:D I can't see you as shy, Digger; quiet, yeah, but not shy! I'll keep on keeping on simply because of all the support from people like you and because I just can't seem to quit once I'm onto something!
Patience and help are in no short supply here Beckie and you are free to express yourself without fear of being told to "shut up". All the best to you.
Mustard seed that's one of the many reasons why I love it here! This is where I come when things start getting rough.
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What a great post. As for tips on Social Networking, I find this works. Share, reply, comment, repeat. For Twitter I tell people to Tweet, Reply, Retweet, Repeat. Engage - otherwise it is not social. And the "like" button in Facebook can be dangerous, so easy to click and move on. I went through a whole two months without clicking it once, and my engagement went through the roof, because I commented instead. Something to think about. :) Welcome back. S
TY for the tips! I've been away from my social networks, as well, and was trying to figure out a way to get a "fresh" start! I will definitely start commenting instead of hitting the dreaded "like" button on FB! Still very new to Twitter, so, I can start off "right" there!