Remembering Mom
My mom passed away a year ago today...
I know many of us have lost loved ones over the passed year; the wounds never fully heal. My mom had a few major health issues, but it wasn't until the last year that her health started to deteriorate.
Although I didn't live with her, I often would spend several days with her, cooking, cleaning and running errands for her. The last few months were especially stressful with her being in and out of hospitals and rehab facilities. It was basically a year of being physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. My heart goes out to anyone who may be going through that now.
The grainy picture below was taken many years on Easter Sunday (I'm on the left, my sister Lisa on the right); no doubt my dad took the picture. This was the first and only house the bought, probably just a year or two before this picture was taken.
I was fortunate enough to have grown up in the suburbs of Long Island, New York at a time when it was safe to walk through the neighborhood for hours without feeling afraid. Neither of my parents were the mushy type; they didn't shower me or my sister with bursts of "I love you" or unexpected hugs and kisses. It's definitely something I struggled with as I got older, especially as I compared (big mistake) the relationship a lot of my friends had with their parents. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, the love was there.
My mom was a collector of dinner bells, so after she passed, I gave a few away to her close friends; Lisa kept a couple, and I was left with about a dozen or more. Some are still packed away, but I have a few on display throughout my apartment.
There was something I read once, years ago that nearly brought me to tears because as soon as I read it, I thought of my parents: "People may not love you the way you want them to, but you have to believe that they loved you with all that they had."
For almost 25 years, my parents were married before my dad passed away in 1988. No matter how awkward or "insufficient" I may have felt about their love, I know that that the love was there, it was real, and it was true.
May we all grow in cherishing the ones we love.
Strive to Thrive,
Veronica
Recent Comments
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Dear Veronica, I admire your strength. You have endured great losses in your life. Still you are full of life and happiness inside.
You have written down your feelings and described your loss in a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing this with us.
You have a beautiful heart!
:-)
It is tough to lose your Mom...Mine passed not that long after I had joined WA and the love that was shown be members helped me get through that initial shock period...
They are special and yes you are right...The love is shown in many ways and whether you see it then or later upon reflection, it is there...
I was blessed by the wonders of the internet in that I was able to do a video call with her prior to her passing...It was a closure thing and I am ever so grateful that it was available...
It sounds to me that your Mom was very proud of you and your sister, and she appreciated the time you were able to spend with her...
The one thread that runs throughout this world and if people paid attention to it is love...It holds everything together...
Cheers!
Dave : )
Yes Veronica, I have to agree with Dave. It's shown in different ways. And I often still wonder why my dad would say not very nice things, or my mum may still do. But It their way to protect me, to show they care. And that care, that love, ultimately is what matters in the end xx
Dave...your response brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. On the surface, it seems a bit weird to share something so intimate with people whom you've never met, but this is such a special community, I thought about it only for a few seconds before I starting writing.
I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your mom but glad to know that you received comfort in so many ways.
Yes, it seems that no matter the language, skin tone, religious affiliation, political views, or nationality love really does bind us all together.
Thank you, Dave!
I'm ever so sorry to hear about your mum, Veronica. I can imagine even at a year's distance the pain is still there - it takes a different shape, but it's still there.
When my dad passed away 2 years ago, to cancer, it did not hurt as I thought it would. I found it most upsetting to see him fade away to cancer, and was not grave enough to be there when he passed away. I left my mum to deal with it. I was scared to see my dad go, and let that win over my need to say goodbye to him - but in a way, through my religious belief, I knew his soul and spirit were, and are still, with me and with my mum. And in my mind it was natural when it passed, because he was nearly 83 and he had stopped suffering.
2 years down the line I regret not saying goodbye and dream of my dad regularly enough. Now the sadness is catching up with me, and now his death is affecting me more than then. Now I miss my dad. And I catch myself thinking 'when I see dad next, I want to tell him... oh no, actually, dad is not at home with mum anymore'. I need to remind myself.
What I'm aiming to say, Veronica, is that of course you will miss your mum, and you will keep missing her because she was your mum. And she was part of you, through her quirks and mannerisms. Today, Veronica, I hope you can feel my hand reaching out to yours in the hope I can bring a tiny bit of comfort.
All my love
Giulia
Giulia...You really did pour out your heart.
To be honest, I wasn't feeling well today; I think it was a result of extensive cleaning last week and getting too little sleep for several days. When I first awakened, I wanted to write some sort of tribute; even though I'm on Facebook, I rarely go onto that platform; expressing it with my WA family seemed so natural.
It's a little after 4 pm, I still feel a bit worn out, but in terms of emotionally, I'm OK.
My father died of cancer also, so I now what it's like to see someone disappear before your eyes. I was in my 20's and was too busy enjoying life and being selfish that I don't think I even visited him when he was in the hospital. Interestingly enough, but I was the one who received the call from the hospital that he passed and then I had to tell my mom. I've thought about that time more as my mom became sick; although I couldn't take back my actions from 20 + years ago, I feel as if the LORD gave me a chance to have a "do-over" with my mom.
I have definitely been comforted through all the comments I received. Thank you. I hope that you can get to a place where you can forgive yourself, Giulia. When we know better, we do better.
With love,
Veronica
Very nice words... only a year ago, that's so fresh... sorry for that. My mom passed away 20 years ago...
"People may not love you the way you want them to, but you have to believe that they loved you with all that they had."
I agree with that, I always say, they did their best!
Gerlinde
Thank you for sharing. My dad has been gone for a long time now, he was a heavy drinker. But my mom is still alive. She's in a home just across town from me. I do her laundry and look after all her needs, as she has dimentia. She sometimes knows who I am. So it's hard, but I still love her for who she is. I come from a family of 6. 4 sisters and on brother. By brother drank himself to death two years ago.
I appreciate you sharing something so personal, Thomas. Although you mom may not remember mentally, I believe her spirit knows exactly who you are and remembers the love you both shared.
Hello, Veronica. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I think and believe that everybody has their own first language of love and if you have received that, the other one's are not so necessary. And to get your peace of heart you have to refocus your attention. You have to shift your focus from your loss to their gain. They are with the Lord, enjoying His present. This is what I had learned when my mom died in a space of time of two months, after my dad.
Lovely story Veronica.
My Mother passed away in 1996, out of the blue at the age of 74.
She did not wake up from her siesta, what a nice way to go but for me a big shock.
Thank you for sharing your family story, nobody can take our memories away.
All the best, Taetske
Hi Veronica,
Caring for ill loved ones does take its toll. I am in that position now. I cherish each and every moment because the time that we have is all we got. It sounds like a lot of love was going on. Your family seemed to be well cared for. My parents weren't mushy and we were very poor but you couldn't make us believe that because we had what we needed. God provided. Time is much better than things. Many parents tend to provide things so as not to spend the time. My parents were not perfect but they were perfect for me. They did what they could monetarily but time spent was in abundance. I love them for it.
I have never heard of collecting dinner bells. I love it. Beautiful tribute.
I appreciate sharing a part of your life, Marquette. Caring for my mom was a blessing in so many ways...exhausting, but a blessing nevertheless.
May the LORD continue to strengthen your spirit.
Veronica, what a touching tribute to your mom!
It sounds like you were actually very blessed with the parents that you had. They sounded like strong trees being there for you. Where as other people's might be more like little butterflies passing by. Pretty to look at but not stable and solid.
I like photos you shared.
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I am sorry for your loss Veronica. I lost my Dad several years ago and it is still very hard. I was lucky. He was my best friend. We talked all the time even after I left home. He always wanted to help me and appreciated all I did to help them for years.
I think about him every day and miss him so much. He died of leukemia and it was awful. I was in the hospital with him for two weeks as much as I could be round the clock. I have a hard time not remembering those awful weeks and just focusing on the great times we had before. My Mom was so devastated and I am on only child so I was the only family she had here.
He was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia years before I was born. He was not supposed to live 6 months but my parents got married anyway and he lived 38 more years. Because it had been in remission since before I was born it was quite a shock to me when it came back in my 20's. He was able to get treatment and live with it for another decade.
Your pictures are so pretty! That is a nice way to honor your mother. I am sure she appreciates it!
Your friend,
Jessica
I really appreciate your words, Jessica. I know you have a lot going on in your life right now, so I thank you for taking the time to read my post.
Sounds like your dad was a wonderful man!
Yes, he was. Thanks Veronica. I just added more detail to my post above.
He was amazing. A pilot, gardener, aircraft mechanic, built our own solar energy system in the woods where I grew up, he also gave me my love of learning and curiosity. He was an old fashioned gentleman as well. I was lucky.
WOW!!! He seems like the kind of guy that would win over any girl's heart, no wonder you were so close. You were both very fortunate, Jessica!
Yes. Mom was stunned though. He had always gotten better before and this time did not. He knew this was a possibility but she never acknowledged that so she was just in shock for the longest time. She still misses him so much.
Thanks for sharing this, Jessica. May the love you and your mom shared with your dad comfort you always.