English to EuroEnglish?
I've just been alerted to this via a friend on Facebook, and although it's obviously tongue in cheek...imagine the impact if it happened??!!??
Enjoy ;-)
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The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or ifikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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It will make English look more like German with these changes. I wonder what they will do with dipthongs like 'ch?' That will come out as 'sh' which will create even more words with more than one meaning ...and more confusion due to their exact spellings.
Hebrew has double letters but not as we know them. They have a single instance of a letter with a special puncutation to indicate it's a double letter spelling. They did what is planned now, making the language more efficient. Spanish doesn't have double letters that I know of, office vs oficina. It might though in some cases.
Looks like we're going back to Old English! That's how languages do become new tongues and others become dead. This process never ends as long as humans walk the earth, though we essentially make the same sounds throughout time.
the 'w' used to be 'vv' (notice two 'v's.) Print didn't have this character at first and did use two 'v's. Why they call it the double 'u' is still a mystery to me. The 'u' was a later development. I think it came from the upselon (greek u that usually follows the 'o.' as in the word 'you.'
I have followed semantics way back and so much of it is obscure and forgotten.
I heard similary story on the radio few years ago, but this was regarding the changes they wanted to introduce to USA English with respect to spelling changes. I agree, they should just go with German instead as most suggestions will change English spellings into German way of it. Well, some changes will make an impact, one way or another... It will be a little hard to get used to new spelling. I have to start reading my German dictionary more often to adjust. Interesting article for sure!
And the moral of the story is, they should just have stuck with German in the first place ;)
LOL - awesome! I just recently read that Germans were voted least funny in global survey. ==> http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8260135
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An oldie but a goodie. He He!