Self Esteem Issues....Until Now!
What is self esteem?
The dictionary says, "Confidence in one's own worth or abilities."
I have had a rough past. Very rough. The fact is I was hurt emotionally and physically (molested) from the age of five to 15. Ten years of my life was so hard. Him doing this to me did a horrible number to my self esteem.
I have never learned to overcome this pain. I had gone through many counseling sessions and several attempts to take my own life as a teenager. I would always quit something if it got hard because I knew in my mind I was not going to complete it anyways. I went through many horrible relationships because I did not know what I was doing to myself. I did not know my self esteem was the one thing holding me back.
Then I was told because of what happen to me I would never be able to have kids of my own. I was devastated and felt like it was my fault. So I gave up on ever being a mom or amounting to anything.This was just another blow to my self esteem.
I met my now husband when we were kids. The time and our ages grew us apart. This was all right. We needed to live some life and learn some lessons. But on one fateful night.......
My friend tricked me into going to the hospital. I was having issues with my body and could not figure out what they were. They took blood and I told them one problem was pain. They came back and gave me something for pain. I was sitting in one of the curtain rooms so I could hear everyone talking. I heard the doctor run to the nurses station and ask if they had already given Room 13 (the room I was in- go figure thirteen of all numbers) the medicine for pain.
The doctor came in and told me I was pregnant! I could not believe it! I did not know what to do! The first person I called was Ronnie (my now husband) and told him I was pregnant. He was speechless.
I had a perfect 9 months and delivered on time and a perfect delivery to a beautiful daughter named Autumn Novalee. After that me and Ronnie started talking about tying the knot. It was the best thing to do for not only Autumn, but for ourselves. Which we did on September 7th, 2013.
I am sure you are wondering; why I am telling you all of this? When I started for Wealthy Affiliate I had never had a place I felt I belonged. Not only did I not think that I belonged, I never felt I would amount to anything. Now I am working my way up the ladder with WA and I am coming along nicely with my new page. I am very proud of the page I am making right now and have put 100+ hours of research into my page. I feel better than I did about my last one that I tried.
I honestly can feel myself gaining the self esteem that I have never had in my life. I have that feeling now that I can do something and not fall on my a** or be looked down upon.
I hope there are others that read this and if they can relate. Please keep going with WA. It has an amazing community and people who are here to push you up and help you reach your goals! Give it a chance and don't give up! YOU CAN DO GREAT THINGS!
Recent Comments
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Wow is right...courage for sure! You are a true soldier!
I am so glad you found the light at the end of the tunnel. Some people are burdened by so much pain inflicted on them...they never find their way out...so nice to hear you have found peace! We all deserve it.
By sharing our trials we all start to see that being human is part of life and we all have battles to conquer! Good job Soldier!
Keep it up...you deserve it!
Sunshiny smiles
Amanda
Thank you so much.
Sometimes all we have is to keep going and keep our heads up.
Plus I knew there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. :)
WOW, it took a lot of courage to share that. I love your quote by the way. It reminded me that in my darkest times is when I learned so much and grew. I'm glad you're through all those dark times and now into the light and becoming the woman you were meant to be.
Thank you so much. The dark times are what makes us strong and mold us into who we are today!
Hi Melissa! You are going to be just fine! Sharing your story is bringing your childhood pain full circle. You have been given a new lease on life and you are embracing it with your beautiful daughter, new husband and your great family here at WA! I can't imagine what it took to get through the dark days of where you were to the bright and sunny days of where you are now! You are a unique and amazing women for doing it! Don't ever forget that my friend!
I grew up in a family that embraced the words, "The world is a wonderful place! If you believe in yourself, you can be and do anything!" It gives your heart wings...... It's a deep-rooted mantra to me, I would love to share it with you! Make it yours too!
We will. I will write that down and post it to my bulletin board in my room. I have started to fill it up with inspirational quotes that mean something to me. Make me believe I can do it.
Hi Melissa, it takes strength and courage to share your story. You have a bright future which will bring great success and many blessings.
I wish you and your family well.
Ade
Thanks for sharing not an easy thing to do, but not you have opened up you can truly heal, wish you every happiness for the future and I am please you have found a place within WA it is a great community wish you lots of success for the future
Thank you so much. No one really knows any details. I live in a small town so a lot of people kinda know what happened. But no one knows the extent of it. It was nice to talk about it and not feel judged.
Thanks for sharing - and what a blessing after all that trauma - to still have your own daughter. Congratulations - you will make something great of yourself. Well done,
I am so sorry you had to go through something so horrible for so long. You are such a strong woman! Yes, you definitely belong here. Good job on the progress you're making. Would love to see your website! :)
I saw from an earlier post that your blog is doing well. Success which is much deserved. The fact that we are a like minded community is wonderful, and the feeling of belonging is great, for sure.
We never know what issues others have had to struggle with, and vice versa.
Have a fabulous journey- Andy
Thank you so much!
That's why I try to never judge anyone because you don't know their past. Always try to be nice to everyone. :)
Amazing story and you have got guts and heart to share the way you did. I think most of us are here because of the community spirit and to build a better life for ourselves and the family, and I'm sure nothing's gonna stop you from succeeding!
Thank you, I actually thought about it all night before I posted this. But I felt that I was something that meant a lot to me. I needed to talk about it. I really do hope I succeed and I work on WA and my sites everyday for 12 hours a day probably! Tuesday it will be up and running! I'm so excited!
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Fantastic post, Melissa. Thank you very very much!
Thank you for reading.