Is TLC (Tough Love Comment) your cup of tea?
When people ask for your opinion, do you feel free to tell it like it is or do you sugar-coat your comment so as not to incur their wrath?
When you give what you think is a constructive criticism, what do you do when it is not taken well? I know people can get angry and it is either they ignore your comment altogether or they become defensive.
What do you think is the right thing to do?
Ade
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That's a really good question Ade and a difficult answer as you can see by all the various comments below here. I have discovered in life that people who ask you for your opinion, seldom take it, they are simply seeking reassurance that what they thought was right, was correct in their estimation in the first place. I like to help people but this scenario can too often lead to hurt feelings so I generally leave well alone. If we put a positive spin on it then we are not being true to ourselves.
I think that's probably the most annoying aspect about giving an opinion when asked. The person in question has an ulterior motive which is to seek validation, that or becoming offended by your views because it doesn't concede with their ideology.
If I ask for feedback or an opinion I want the truth and nothing less.
I have experienced this a few times here, Simon! I almost got a cyber black eye once when I dared to differ from the general consensus.
@Charlene, this person just didn't agree with me at all and I was fine with their rant. Apparently, I didn't say what they wanted to hear.
Yes Ade, That's the other ulterior motive that all they want is for you to agree or praise them. Stiff cheddar if you don't, as they will sure let you know they didn't achieve their expected objective. Btw. Love your "cyber black eye" phrase. I just cracked up and LoL. Bests, Simon
At my age tell it like it is but always put some positive spin somewhere. I haven't the patience anymore.
Just tell them the truth. If they choose to ignore it then that's their loss. If they get angry then do not help them the next time. We are here to make people improve and learn. Sugar coating only hurts the person you are helping. Just be honest and say it in a constructive positive way.
DES
Constructive criticism! Some see it for what it is but others don't. You're right, helping is what matters. Thanks Des!
I don't sugarcoat to keep them from getting mad. Any sprinkling I do is to keep them from getting HURT and discouraging them. Some people these days are uber sensitive to ANY criticism and the last thing I want to do is ruin someone's dream for them. I agree with Barry in that it's all in how you say it. I also agree with Marion, that if it's something that would embarrass them or hurt them in public, use a PM and then watch what you say. I tend to not criticize too badly unless it's something really egregious. I find that most people discover things on their own provided they keep going, which is what I'm trying to get them to do, Ade.
Figured that out. :) And it's always good to say something nice first. Some of us old ladies have manners. LOLOL
Positive reinforcement usually works wonders and people appreciate it a lot. I know I do. Thanks Carla!
Speak for yourself. Tonight I feel ancient. But I DO know what you mean. My brain is still young or I wouldn't be here. WHEW! :)
I don't leave constructive criticism on WA members' websites. I save it for the comments and if it's really negative I use a PM. Any constructive criticism should be preempted with a compliment. In every website there is always something good so I tell them about that first before I rip 'em to shreds. ~Marion
Yes Marion, better to keep the scolding away from the public eye. Save us the embarrassment. LOL! But tell it like it is in private.
I think it just comes down to the way you say it, I always just say things like this
Here are some suggestions you may be interested in trying, I always give reasons as well from real experience, not from theory
Sometimes on WA its like the blind leading the blind, if I have real results from something I have tried, I will share them, if not, I will not talk theory, there is to much of that online
I am a pragmatist I help people a lot with WordPress and people come back to me and say "thanks it worked"
I responded recently to someones request on their website and said this
Asking people on WA about you website is not helpful because we are not marketing to people on WA
What I believe in, when it comes to websites is, ask your readers and they will tell you the real truth, we need accurate data about our sites so take a look at your bounce rate, because it will tell you valuable information so you can design your site towards your readers not people on WA
Example = If you have a website about dog training, would it not be better to seek information on how your readers behave on your site rather than ask me, as I don't own a dog and your not marketing to me.
Do supermarkets ask their staff about the store or their customers
Business need to focus on customers and give them what they want not opinions from people that don't use their service
Its not what we ask that matters, its who we ask
Definition of marketing = Build long term relationships in order to influence buyer behavior
If you want to be a successful marketer then you need to understand how people behave on your site and not the opinions of someone on WA
We need to understand how to convert visitors into buyers and someones opinion on WA on your site is not going to give you this information
There are no great marketers just great testers
Barry
That's so true. I think sometimes we need to step away from the commentary on WA and ask the target audience or someone who is a non WA member in a similar niche.
I recently did the latter, contacted a few successful foodies and asked them to critique my website, I wanted to know what fueled their success and captivated their readers.
Overall, I received some general and personal advice both of which I intend apply over the next few months, most of advice needs to be implemented with more traffic. What I noted was some of the constructive criticism, related to a few things that many people on WA didn't notice during the times I submitted content on here.
Nevertheless, the feedback from these people has been invaluable and I'm in the midst of amending my website according to the advice I was given - was I offended? Nope, quite the contrary, very grateful.
I understand perfectly what you're saying, Barry! But I think the comments from WAers has it's benefits because people seldom leave comments on websites they visit. I know I never left a comment on any website before coming to Wa.
I agree that only the experts can see what a newbie cannot see and give an intelligent guidance which we all need.
This discussion has really opened my eyes to some very important issues that I need to pay attention to.
Thanks!
I don't like to sugarcoat my opinion if asked to express myself. In the same breathe, any constructive criticism given is honest but certainly not in a harsh manner.
I think it's best to extract the most pertinent point of the feedback and disregard anything that's unwarranted, but this can be quite difficult to distinguish between for the defensive and extra sensitive people out there.
Constructive criticism is difficult to define, what some may view as down right harsh, another may see as fair criticism. It is a double ended sword with so much emotion and ambiguity making it more conditional.
Somebody's mood can determine how they react. Some don't even get it when you are just joking. Thanks Charlene!
Its not my problem if people want to know what i Think i Tell if they dont want it they should keep it for Them selfe. Of cause its only if its somethink im interesting ind. But what other Think and feel is not inside me. As long as i respekt they have reigth to have a opinion as well
I get your point Steen! Some people express their opinion nicely even if they disagree with you. Thanks for your comment.
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Truth. They ask for a comment and I would say that they should not take it to personal and they learn from the comments.
I agree, we're sometimes too hasty when we get a comment not to take the time to see what we could learn from it.
Thanks!