Hanging Out with Mrs. Google
Right then, lots to do today, got about 5 billion new blog posts to read.
No time to chat, Mrs. Google is always busy, 24 hours per day!
What do you mean, you didn't know Google was a woman?
Should have been obvious, 'cos I'm hard to please!
Anyway, I'm in a good mood today, so I might even do a bit of indexing!
Ok, who wants to be first?
This looks promising, a fairly new site with lots of content already.
Hang on, I recognize that from somewhere.
Let's have a look through my trillions of pages...
Yes, thought so, it's all copied and pasted!
Honestly, why have you done that, did you think I wouldn't notice?
Sorry mate, you've got no chance!
Who's next?
Ok, another new site with lots of posts.
Oh really, none of them are over 500 words!
Do you think I'm going to waste my time with that when there are other sites with thousands of words on the same subject?
Next, please...
Oh great, this exercise site is one of my favorites!
Something new to read every day, hundreds of in-depth posts that answer real questions.
And they're even kind enough to point out the important bit by coloring it in!
You can go straight to page 1!
Anybody else?
Oh no, this looks just like a shop!
There must be at least 7 ads in the sidebar and every single post has affiliate links in it.
They're obviously too busy trying to sell something instead of helping people.
That's not my cup of tea at all, I'm not going to put you anywhere on my top pages!
Last one for now.
"27 exotic pets that enjoy eating fried hamsters"
What? Nobody is going to be searching for that, I've never heard such nonsense.
Half of these website owners are wasting my time.
You have to answer real questions that make sense!
Not having a good day so far...
Will somebody please give me a site where the majority of the content genuinely answers questions, isn't trying to sell something and everything is in-depth and original?
Not too much to ask, is it?
Right, I've had enough for today, might pop over and see how Mrs. Bing and Mrs. Yahoo are getting on.
See you later, lots of love, Mrs. Google.
Recent Comments
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I love reading your stuff, Diane. When you're in Live Chat, you answer exactly the question being asked, with good practical things to do, which is something I admire.
But you've excelled yourself with this post. So funny, but containing sage advice about the thinks we all need to do to give Mrs Google what she needs to reward us with high rankings.
Dear Mrs. Google,
Exercise site owner here.
Thank you very much for all the Google love over the years.
However, any chance you can pull your finger out, as the site seems to have plateaued in terms of traffic in 2022?
I understand that this happens with every website, but you're making me look bad!!!
My aim was to create a Wacky Affiliate blogpost titled:
"How to Get a Website to 100,000 monthly views in 18 months".
But unfortunately, due to your 2022 playfulness the blog post will now have to be titled:
"How to Get a Website to 100,000 monthly views in 19 months and 3 weeks"
Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?
Then again, I am also thinking of turning to the Dark Side of the force and speaking to KYLEo Ren.
I'm thinking the regularly downtime on the platform (every month for at least the last 8 months), which I've noted occasionally means that the hosting also suffers downtime, could be affecting our websites popularity with you.
Oops!!!! Did I say that out loud?
How very UN Wacky Affiliate of me.
Your loyal Servant
The Exercise Site Owner
Dear Website Owner,
I do hope you realize how lucky you are to get a personal response from me.
As you can imagine, hundreds of thousands of people contact me every day through the means of Search Console.
They are under the mistaken impression that if they submit every post they write, then I will be obliged to index them.
Sorry, it doesn't work that way, you can't tell me what to do!
I don't have to index your posts at all if I don't want to!
Anyway, I digress...
I think you are being very selfish in expecting ME to ruin MY reputation by sending traffic to a site that may not even be live!
I strongly suggest that you contact the Dark Side, even if that means dealing with KYLEo Ren, The Carsonian, and JayVader.
Once your problem is resolved, I will be happy to resume our once-loving relationship.
Yours, in hope, Mrs. Google
P.S. - a relatively new site of only 6 months old has been catching my eye.
It appears to be using your proven success method.
Despite being a very niche subject, it is finding some superb questions that people genuinely require an answer to.
And just over half the posts are of exceptional quality, which I rarely see!
I plan on sending an extraordinary amount of traffic to this site by the end of the year.
Do you know anything about it?
This is so good, Diane.
Great checklist to read before submitting any blogs onto your website.
Thank you for sharing this.
I hope you are enjoying your weekend.
Delroy
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Haah, this post is hilarious, Mrs Google!
I always had my suspicions that you like playing favorites and there’s obviously no fooling you!
I’m glad you like my guitar site enough to index all my posts in less than 24 hours and give most of them a spot on your first three pages.
You enjoyed that Sparta article so much, you indexed and ranked it the second I hit the return key! I barely knew what hit me! You surely know a Rockin’ band when you hear one! 🎸
AND, I put THREE ads in my side bar but you INCREASED my traffic. I knew using your ads(ense) would please you. You’re obviously a very SMART woman! 😊
Happy Easter🐰🐣🗿
Your Humble Servant,
Frank