A week of down, down, down, a little up, down, down...and life lessons
I've been a bit quiet this week and the truth is I am in struggle town. Last sunday was the one year anniversary of my brothers sudden death at age 28. He died in a motorbike accident.
My brothers girlfriend sums it up best. In the week after my brother died her sister gave her a pamphlet on grieving. She opened it up and the second page was 'Your first year of grief' first YEAR! The next page was 'Your SECOND year of grief' she then screamed at her sister "YOU MEAN IM GOING TO FEEL LIKE THIS FOR YEARS?" Yes. Yes you are. We all are.
Grief affects everybody differently and for me I feel flat. I lost all motivation, focus, energy. I can't think straight, my memory has gone to crap. Id started to feel normal again but the anniversary has taken me backwards. It'll pass faster this time im sure, but for now I am stuck.
So, my purpose with this blog for those who read it was not to bum you out. I've learnt a few things over the last year that I wanted to share.
1. Stuff happens
No matter who you are, how in control you seem, how motivated and focused you are - sometimes stuff happens.
2. There are times to fight through it and there are times to submit
I was 2 days away from a business launch when my brother died. He had been building our website. For the first few weeks i tried to push through but nothing was getting done. I couldnt focus (i couldnt even read a book because after 2 sentences i forgot what id just read). My business partner finally sat me down and said "i know you want to do this, and you keep saying its going to happen, but you need to stop. Nothing is getting done. You need a time out" Taking that pressure off myself was a huge relief. I was so stressed because I couldnt do the things i would normally do so easily. It was extra pressure i really didnt need.
There ARE times in life when its ok to say 'i need a time out', Dont be afraid to use them. You can always come back to what you've been doing. Know when to push through and when to have patience.
3. You are your greatest asset
DO everything you can to be well mentally, physically and spiritually. Nobody can make you happy, whole, healthy, motivated or relaxed except you. If youre not well physically and mentally you can't truely give everything to your pursuits. You dont have time not to be 'well'.
4. Your relationships are your most valuable possession
Family and friends are the greatest gift. Treasure them, enjoy them, love them and make sure they know you do all those things. There'll be a time you need them more than anything, or they'll need you. Never let things go unsaid.
5. Live your dreams
Never settle and live a life less than what you dream for yourself. Die happy knowing that you've done everything you can, enjoyed what you love, found your passion, given back. Put everything you have on the table. Never be left wondering.
The journey is the fun part. Achieving the goal is not the end. There is always something else to achieve so enjoy the ride and make the most of it.
6. Life is short
Never wait for the perfect time, there isnt one. Don't procastinate (different to taking a needed time out). While you're waiting for the right moment to live the life you want your clock is ticking. Make the most of the time you have, and the only time you have is right now. Yesterday is long gone and you very well may not have a tomorrow.
Im sure we all know these things. I guess I knew them rationally, but being confronted with them so intensely has given me quite a new understanding!
I am planning to be back in full ASAP, but ive decided instead of trying pointlessly to write another post for my site im at least going to take this weekend off and away from my laptop.
xx
Recent Comments
9
Grief is a process and the length is certainly different for everyone. Don't ever let anyone tell you how long the process should be for you. Just take your time. So very sorry for your loss. You have a great attitude toward it and I wish you the best as you go forward.
A strange thing to do, to click the "like this" button, in that so much in me does not. Brave of you to be able to write about and share your loss; I hope you continue to heal.
Just remember our love one would want us to live our life normally when they passed away.
I told my son, "When I died, you just live your life as nothing has happened. Be happy."
Christine, I know that you think the pain won't go away but it will. I am older so I have lost my parents, my brother, my middle son and my husband. All one at a time over the years. Each was different and a couple much harder but you do go on. After a while you remember the good times more and the painful ones less. You have some good points in your blog. It shows that you are adjusting. Give yourself the time you need. My prayers are with you.
Christine, I am so sorry for your loss and while the pain never quite goes away, we manage to live with it and move on. It sounds to me like this is happening for you and I am very happy. Your brother is, no doubt, looking down on you ad cheering you on!
Oh Christine, my heart goes out to you. You need to take some time, as you well realize, and just take care of yourself. WA will be here when you feel you can get back into it. For now, let it be. I'm praying for you. Michelle
I'm sorry you lost your brother, especially at such a young age. Everyone grieves in their own time and their own way. I have lost many. The only thing I can tell you, which you probably already know, is that there will come a time when the good memories overshadow the grief. Some of that grief will always be there, but you will remember the good times more. I think you are doing well. Jump back in when you can. Take the time you need. We'll be here when you're ready.
I'm so sorry. It's never easy to lose a family member and especially one so young. Grief is handled differently by everyone and the time also varies by individual. Take whatever time you need. ~Debbi