Oxymorons - Some "Just for Fun" reading.
I Did Not Create This It Was Sent to My Email but I Wanted to Share
O x y m o r o n s
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?
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God Saw you hungry & created
McDonalds, Wendy's, and Dairy Queen.
He saw you thirsty & created
Coke, Juice, Coffee, and Water.
GOD saw you in the dark & created Light .
GOD saw you without a FRIEND.........
So He created ME
Recent Comments
27
Aw, my friend...you might be my only one :). Great post, Mary, too funny. I'll have to book mark this one.
It was another rough day and I needed to write a post. By the time I got home Jay's WAbinar was almost over.
Lol, thanks so much for the laughs...I love that remote one, haha. I've done that many times, press even harder and it still won't work. 27 got me pretty good too...when you think of it that way, sitting in front of a dead tree eating candy out of our socks...
Thanks again Sherion!
You are welcome and I am glad that it made you laugh. I keep going back to read some of them again.
See more comments
Not Oxymoron's but the are mostly fun!
Wind turbines. I'm a big fan.
Going to McDonald's for a salad?
That makes about as much sense as going to a crack-house for vitamins.
It's really difficult to find what you want on eBay.
I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.
I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet.
My wife is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, "What can I do to stop my addiction?"
She said, "Whatever means necessary."
"No it doesn't," I said.
A new nightclub has just opened down the road and they are offering free drinks all night for just under £20 quid. So tonight I'm gonna party like it's £19.99.
Rap is 75% Crap
If anyone ever tells you they've lost their voice, They're lying.
I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.
I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
Answer me this if you can!
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Why isnt phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Do fish get thirsty?
If you didnt get caught, did you really do it?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why is it that when your driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down?
If necessity is the mother of invention, why does so much unnecessary stuff get invented?
If the world is getting smaller, why do postal rates keep going up?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.............
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Lady to doc: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
Doc: With any luck, right after it finishes college.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
A truck driver was driving along a country road. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel"
Just a bit of Fun!!
To your success!
Bernie
Those are really good! Thanks for adding them! ;)