The BIRTHDAY Adventures of OLD FLUFF & the 7 Dwarves (Newbies)

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1 year ago

Disclaimer: The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent. Any Similarities to Actual Persons, Living or Dead, or Actual Events (or Actual Affiliate Marketing Platforms), is Purely Coincidental.

Once upon a time there lived a Fluff.

But this Fluff was OLD.

In fact, if you really want to know just how this Fluff is, today happens to be her

ONE HUNDRED & FIFTY-NINTH BIRTHDAY

Jeeeeeeeeeez, now that is OLD.

(As you can see from her image above, she’s clearly had some work done!! LOL)

Anyway, on this auspicious occasion she was handed the keys to the Wacky Affiliate Kingdom.

As a special treat King Kyle handed Old Fluff the Delete Button to the section of the kingdom known as Liveus de Chateus.

In truth, King Kyle was actually off on his 318th holiday of the year.

That’s right, King Kyle decided to CUT DOWN on the number of holidays he was taking by at least 50% frpm the previous year.

But, this still meant that he had to hand over this great responsibility to someone.

And who better than our dear friend Old Fluff.

Old Fluff would meet 7 dwarves (newbies) on her Delete Button journey through Liveus de Chateus.

These Dwarves (newbies) were named:

Grumpy
Dopey
Sleazy
Snappy
Cocky
Whingy
And of course, DOC

Let’s see how Old Fluff got on.

Liveus De Chateus - Day One

Grumpy: What the hell is this I have just joined?

Old FLuff: What do you mean, you don’t actually know the reason why you’re here?

Grumpy: Look Old FLuff, I didn’t ask for the third degree, so just shut up, do your job, and tell me what the hell this place is.

*Old Fluff was slightly ruffled by the abrasiveness of this newbie, in fact, her finger did hover over the Delete Button for just a moment. However, Old Fluff knew that a certain honour had been bestowed upon her, so she decided to see it through. Of course, this involved a simple copy & paste, as it’s something that she had said 1,000,000+ times before.

Old Fluff: “This is a learning platform that teaches you how to create a website and run an online business…”

Grumpy: Well frankly, I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, with all these options to make money online and become a millionaire overnight, who would want to build a business? Clearly, this is a SCAM, I want my money back.

Old Fluff: Well, of course, that is your prerogative, but unfortunately you are showing as a free member of our kingdom, therefore no money has been charged to you, so you can leave as and when you wish.

Grumpy: SCAM! SCAM! Give me my money back, I paid $8,965 3 days ago and I want my money back.

Old Fluff: Are you sure that you are talking about the Wacky Affiliate Kingdom? We have no options at that price, your Kingdom ID shows that you only entered TODAY, so clearly you couldn’t have paid this amount HERE 3 days ago.

Grumpy: Look you pea-brain, useless, waste of space…

Aaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd DELETE!

Oh Old Fluff certainly enjoyed that, she may even be drunk with power (nice to see she’s drinking something else for a change, but knowing Old Fluff, this “power” would be at least 57% ABV)

That was more than enough for Old Fluff (I bet you didn’t know that there would be poetry!!!!!). She left Liveus de Chateus for the day, but knew she would have to return tomorrow.

Liveus De Chateus - Day Two

Dopey: I’m not 100% sure why I’m here, can someone help me please?

Old Fluff: Good morning, I’m Old Fluff, nice to meet you. This is a learning platform that teaches you (yeah, yeah, whatever)... blah, blah, blah.

Dopey: Eerm okay… eerm, I don’t understand.

Old Fluff: Okay, let’s try something different. What were you reading prior to coming here?

Dopey: Playboy

Old Fluff: (Oh jeeeez, you wait till I see King Kyle and give him what for, he’s clearly done this on purpose).

No sorry, perhaps I wasn’t clear, what were you reading about affiliate marketing that led you here.

Dopey: What’s Affiliate Marketing?

Old Fluff: Okay, let’s break this down further. What made you interested in making money online.

Dopey: I don’t want to make money online, but if you’re offering, I wouldn’t say no.

DELETE

Old Fluff’s patience clearly isn’t as good as it was 100 years ago and she’s seen just about everything during her time in the Wacky Affiliate Kingdom.

So, it was time to admit defeat, unfortunately if someone doesn’t know WHY they’re in the Wacky Affiliate Kingdom in the first place, are they really going to garner any success from it?

Who Cares… NEXT!

Liveus De Chateus - Day Three

Sleazy: Hello Ladies, I’ve just done 100 push ups, do you want to feel my muscles?

Old Fluff: Oooooh, I’ve come over all unnecessary, thank you for the offer, but no thanks, how can I help?

Sleazy: How Yooooooou Doinnnn’... I’m sure there are many ways and means of you helping me Old Fluff, why don’t you come over here and sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that “POPS UP”

DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE

Old Fluff could hardly control herself, but she knew from 159 years of bitter experience that Sleazy would cause her nothing but trouble.

Who cares whether he had paid membership for the Wacky Affiliate Kingdom, this was a Business Kingdom, not Tinder… time to move on.

Liveus De Chateus - Day Four

Snappy: Where’s My Link? Where's My Link? Where’s My Link? Hurry up and tell me where my link is.

Old Fluff: And what link exactly are you referring to?

Snappy: Seriously, they’ve put someone as stupid as you to head the Liveus de Chateus area? I mean, COME ON!! Just tell me where my link is. I’ve heard that all I need is my link and I can be a billionaire within the next 2 hours, so stop wasting my time, and tell me where my link is woman?

Old Fluff: (takes a deep breath), it really doesn’t work like that, this is a learning platform which teaches

Snappy: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! WHERE’S MY LINK? I don’t need to hear all your BS, just tell me where my link is.

Old Fluff: Fine, just click on the dollar sign at the top of the Kingdom and this will have your…

Snappy: *Gone…

Old Fluff: Oh man, I didn’t even get to use my delete button, but don’t you worry Snappy, I’ll get you next time, elephant’s never forget (hahahahahahahaha!!!! She’s gonna kick the s**t out of me for that comment, LOL!!!)

Liveus De Chateus - Day Five

Cocky: Tis I, Prince Partha…

DELETE

Big Trigger Happy there Fluff!!!

Tad harsh I thought… but with age comes experience, and there aren’t many in this world more aged than Old Fluff, so I guess she has a fair amount of experience.

But, I PROMISE, I was going to behave… Alas, poor Pince Partha, I knew him well..

Liveus De Chateus - Day Six

Whingy: This is clearly a SCAM! I’ve done everything possible within my capabilities, worked harder than I ever have before in my life, and for what? I’ll tell you what, NOTHING.

Old Fluff: I can see that you have been here for 15 months and published a total of 21 articles to your website.

Whingy: See, that’s what I mean, I’ve worked so hard, and I get nothing.

Old Fluff: I’ve checked, you’ve written a total of 23,007 words over 15 months.

Whingy: Exactly, see hard working, nothing ever goes right for me, I do what I can, and people take advantage of me, and I thought coming to the Wacky Affiliate Kingdom would change everything, but NO, I fell for it again, just another scam.

Old Fluff: You do realise, just what you’ve written here in Liveus de Chateus, in the last 2 minutes, is MORE than you’ve averaged per WEEK for the last 15 months?

Do you know what, King Kyle isn’t here, I can do whatever I want, and the power has definitely gone to my head…

Guess What?