How to Write a Truly Atrocious Blog Post

byTheCatherine

14.4K followers

10 years ago

The following are essential rules in the lesson entitled how to write a truly atrocious blog post.

Rule 1
Make sure that you write about something completely unrelated to your readers. Make sure that the topic interest anyone in your target audience.

Rule 1 Part B

Make Sure that it is written in the dryest possible form, drag it out so that you readers have lost the will to live after the first four lines. Make doubly sure that they are turned off reading the post before they even start by writing a headline that is both unrelated and uncompelling. Let’s face it you don’t want your readers to be grabbed by the throat really gripped by what you are saying. Add “how to” in the title after all it worked for Dale Carnegie; and there is no way advertising has changed in the last eighty years.

Rule 2

How to Write a Truly Atrocious blog post.

With Crappy images preferably ripped off!

Make sure that you add a completely unconnected image, or no image at all. If you add an image forget to use the alt tag and completely forget to attribute that image. Under no circumstances use an infographic that may impart some useful knowledge. Preferably use a celebrity image, especially one that excites no one, why would you need a relevant graphic?

I mean you are in a hurry to write a blog post that will pay you boat loads of money immediately. Who has time to put a graphic in, and of course there is definitely no necessity to make sure that there is no spelinge mistakes. Whilst you are it never use paragraphs or headlines that would break up your post and make it easier to read, after all you are only going to rite 350 words, grammar can’t be that important in the lesson how to write a truly atrocious blog post.

Dont inject any humor whatsoever in the article, because if you do your reader may glean something of your personality, your irrepressible bounce.

How to Write a Truly Atrocious blog post.

The importance of keywords.

Make the maximum use of keywords use them at least twenty times per seventy words, who cares if your post makes sense, you don’t need anyone to read it, it does not have to make sense. In fact only Google will notice it, you can be sure your prospective readers won’t, and who gives a s*** that Google will notice it for all the wrong reasons.

All you need is for them to press the buy now button, nothing else matters. Talk down to your customers , it really does not matter what they think of you.

Make sure that you make your readers think that you are only in it for the money because that is all you are in it for – right! But numbers are compelling write, seven is a magic number I am told, so I suggest you write about seven benefits of buying that dog lead, especially if your blog is about growing the largest Aspidistra in the world.

Make sure your niche is evergreen because everyone wants to know about how to grow organic parrot food (notice the how to in that sentence). I mean you may grab the attention of an Urdu speaking Pakistani that is not sure what the blog is about, but hey all those how to’s will help.

Make absolutely sure that you have a call to action which is ambiguous, or better still no call to action and in no circumstance tell your customers what they need to know, why should you know and understand their problems. Remind yourself that your object is how to write a truly atrocious blog post, there is no need to understand the solutions your target audience need.

Be sure to make the call to action as hardline and crass and you can, one way to do that is to engage your readers by saying buy now every single sentence. Get to it buy now before I really tell you what you need to know.

The final rule of how to write a truly atrocious blog post is never plan your article, I mean who the heck has time for that. There is no need to make it relevant to the last post, or the next post. We have already established it is not relevant content to the blog, so why should it be relevant to the content. Who needs linked content with a clear message, the only thing that is necesarry is the buy now button, now go and press the fr*********** thing before I have to tell my poor long-suffering urdu speaker why it is helpful.

Under no circumstances use a good quality training program like Wealthy Affiliate because you will learn how to identify a target market and communicate effectively with them. You can also use it free of charge without going premium and without giving any of your credit card details, I mean who wants to join over a hundred thousand like-minded people who are prepared to help you every step of the way.