Soldering on through my pain
Hello to you all I thought before I went to bed I would share my feelings with you, in the hope that I continue to heal my wounded self by sharing, honesty as to what is going on inside me
I have to say this is really tough I am feeling so wounded and sensitive its very overwhelming and the pain is with me all day, I just keep busy and I also do my inner child work every day as well as write my diary and I e mailed my therapist who has sent me supportive e mail
It really does scare me, I hope this goes away soon but I can not force it, it will just have to run its course, I could feel sorry for myself but that would be a waste of time and only make things worse. I am grateful I have WA to share my feelings on, I never thought when I joined here this is what I would be blogging about
I look back at my childhood and see two broken adults that tried to bring me up, they were not bad people, just very unwell people, my father was so traumatized by the second world war he served between 1939 and 1945 but when the war ended his did not, for him the war went on in his mind and made him very sick mentally, he was broken so badly by the war and also a lonely little boy who was brought up by an alcoholic father and a Victorian unfeeling and uncaring mother
My mother came from a strict catholic Irish family and she left Ireland to marry my father to escape the clutches of Catholicism, not exactly a match made in heaven
I hope no one minds me writing this stuff but it helps me get it out of my system, there is deep rage, anger, depression and sadness running right through me all day, its very hard to bear it and try to get on with normal life
I have spent the day on my website you can take a look if you want, let me know what you think, I have done a lot of work on it as well as my tumbler and instagram accounts to promote my site
I hope you are all keeping well, I spend a lot of time on WA answering questions, it helps me to keep busy and takes may mind of my pain, as does working on my site
God bless you all and keep you safe
Barry
Recent Comments
15
Hey Barry you are well on your road to healing by expressing the hurt you feel! You will overcome before even realizing the fog is gone. Just continue to do all the things you enjoy doing. We do care about you at WA. All the best.
Barry, I think it's a good thing that you are dealing with all the pain you are feeling. The only way it can leave you is if you deal with, and understand the cause of it. Once you understand the cause, hopefully, your therapist will give you the tools to purge yourself of this pain.
Hi Barry, so sorry to hear you're going through these rough times still. I hope and pray things will get better for you soon. I'm glad to hear that keeping yourself busy has been a way to take your mind off the pain, I know it certainly works for myself as well.
Your site looks awesome BTW! I really like the looks of it, although I don't have an iphone, it looks like a very helpful site to people having issues or questions about theirs. Keep up the good work!
Take care and God bless. :)
Your iphone site looks great however I do not own one myself.I had bad experiences with mobile phones years ago running up huge bills,I just have my laptop now;Oh and I recently bought myself a tablet however because I was gambling I am not really allowed to have it until it is blocked.My friend could not find an app that blocks tablets,do you have any brainwaves on this option.
Barry, man, that is a very deep story of the events in your life. I pray for the turmoil to cease. God is the answer and I see that you already know that! Godspeed man and to you all the success, personal and professional!
Ellsworth
Hi Barry.I am glad to hear from you and that you are still surviving.What I might suggest to you and it may or may not seem obvious is do things that make you happy.Fill your day with lovely things,do you have a dog?or would you consider getting one as they are great companions and mine is my best friend.I am quite a loner and often feel like the black sheep of the family.Although I am the youngest of the family at 43 every other member of my family is married has children or are in relationships,I live at home with my Mum and my Aunt Ruby who is mentally handicapped.I have all I need in life but for a long time I have no real happiness,at times it feels like I exist rather than live.
Barry, I was wondering the same thing as Mark when you mentioned the other day that you needed someone to talk to and were going to see your estate agent friend. One of my dog-walking friends who works in a hospice for terminally ill children got her dog accepted as a therapy dog and she now takes him in and his presence gives lots of comfort to the children.
I talk to my dog all the time - tell her what we are going to do, ask what we should do and she lies right by me when I am at the computer. When I return home, having gone somewhere by myself or with my husband, she is there to welcome me enthusiastically and make me feel truly loved. And I love her with all my heart.
Of course I realize that you may not want the responsibility of having to care for another living being that also has needs - that's why I didn't mention it. Cats are a lot easier to look after, but then they tend to be more aloof and do their own thing rather than be there for you when you want them.
Just a thought - from what I've read it's scientifically proven that animals like dogs and cats can have a very positive effect on the mental state of humans. [But I realize you can prove most things scientifically if you try hard enough ;-)]
Anyway, it's definitely a good idea to keep busy, and I hope you get a good night.
Take care.
Good on you Barry, you obviously have all the tools and support and love around you to carry on...how amazing that you brought WA into your life.. because at the end of the day you attracted us!!! :)) stay strong
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Hi Barry,
Hope you're feeling much better tonight. I've been thinking and praying for you. So glad to see you come around and share with us. I am so happy that you trust us here enough to share you stories. Thanks, Barry.
I went to your site and would love to leave you my comment but I couldn't (had to log in). Anyway, your site is brilliant. Well done, Barry! Keep on smiling, ok? We all are here for you. :)
Jenn
OK thanks so much for your comments, I have fixed my website now glad you told me about that I have the wrong box ticked in the discussion tab
Barry
Thanks, Barry. :)