I wanna go HOME!
Yesterday I was watching Steve Harvey's show... love him... and in one of the segments he was featuring Vanessa Simmons, one of the stars from Project Runway: Threads. Now, I don't normally watch TV but he makes me laugh... he can be so ghetto and I love that he doesn't hide who he is or where we came from. He just IS! Anyway, in the preview to the show which this particular episode of Thread was about, they briefly featured the stress that this younger contestant (12-year-old girl named Cambria) was going through already and then to have to hear her dress be criticized when she put so much effort into it. The criticism wasn't really harsh, Simmons actually liked the dress she just thought the material was too casual. Easy fix, I thought; the hard part is coming up with the style. Well, when Cambria's dad asked her "what do you want to do now", she just said "I wanna go home". You see, any criticism to a 12-year-old is like directly criticizing "them" and her heart and hard work felt broken.
Now, I totally get it. I also get that it's not just a 12-year-old that feels this way. WE ALL DO. The difference is that as we get older we learn to deal with it in different ways. We either take it personal or we realize that it's their problem, not ours. All of it is a decision we make. A decision that first has to come from an awareness of which side of the coin are we. Are we in HEADS and make all kinds of reasons as to why it's a personal thing; OR, are we in TAILS and decide we're going to face the fear, the criticism, the attitudes, or whatever else people feel they need to express, and just treat it with Vaseline.
Look, it's NOT your problem. Success doesn't come with Vaseline, you have to go out and buy it. You have to learn to let go and say OK, that's interesting... thanks for your feedback, and MOVE ON. Always be grateful because the Universe LOVES gratitude. Always forgive because forgiveness helps us open up and move on... when I say forgive, I don't just mean others, I mean ourselves.
When the criticism is overwhelming, we seek security, we seek a friendly ear, we seek a friendly word, we seek a friendly shoulder, and we essentially wanna go home. This is true, I think, for whenever we confront fear and instead of confronting, we seek comfort. Success lies in that space, in that moment, when we decide instead we're going to make "home" exactly where we are. You see, home IS where your heart is... even in the face of fear. I am certain facing it wont be nearly as bad as you "thought".
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Very interesting. Didn't go where I thought it was head, I am pleased to say. Keep posting.
Very nice post...fear is something that you may actually desire sometimes to stir things up. I try to remain focused, clear and listen to my heart. Thank you for sharing.
Steve is from my where I live, Cleveland, Ohio.
We must always be careful what we say whether in print or verbally.
Why? Because once it is said, it can't be taken back. Pain and hurt is in the ears or eyes of the receiver. It is what their interpretation is that causes the reaction.
Indeed! Perception is a funny thing. What you may perceive to be today will undoubtedly be different in a year (or even less). It changes with how we change... It is why we should never take anything "personal", in print, or verbally. Our perception is affected with the things going on in our life... especially external factors... which is why it is important to discern what we are hearing more than what is being said... or what we see with the real facts. Thanks for your comment. :-)
Hi Yes, what a nice blog you wrote, I really get what you mean to say, I earlier wrote it really made me mad when people don't be honest about the work they have to judge, and I do bring the bad news with empathy and tact, but you found the words to discribe fellings, and that is so comely, great work Yes!
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There is a fabulous book, written in the 1970s by Aldous Huxley's wife, Laura Huxley, called "You are not the target" - absolutely great techniques for not taking criticism so much to heart that you are devastated and realizing that most criticism is, in fact, not targeted at you, but comes out of the person making the criticism's own insecurities.
Thanks, Sibyll. That is exactly right, and at the heart of mirror work. Our self wants to be loved, and once it is sure of that love, our external environment will have less power on what we see and perceive, because we will see it with eyes of love and compassion. It is such a big topic that I would just about lose everyone if I continued writing... hahaha... as it is I'm pretty long-winded. Thank you for the heads up on Huxley. :-)
http://youtu.be/VZFcN5qB8yM