The Rut of No Results

bySzokie

359 followers

Updated 10 years ago

So here I am finishing up on Course 2 and it's time for a progress report. I've put it off for a few days just because I wasn't feeling very journalistic. My progress has been somewhat disappointing all over the place, to be perfectly honest. I've been lamenting here and there to anyone who asked or saw me crying, that I seem to be trapped in a horrible vortex of no results. It's a sad and hopeless place, so all I could do was beg and plead with an invisible conversation partner, to believe that I am open to anything I need to recognize in order to escape this place. During the past few days, I meditated, cried, slept a lot, did yoga, and hugged my pet cats so much they run when they see me coming.

Some of what I have been feeling like a total failure about includes a police misconduct complaint that I sent to numerous agencies, after my house was destroyed by them in a raid, money was stolen out of my pocket, light fixtures and blinds where torn apart, door jams busted, guns pointed in our faces, lies were told in reports to gain a warrant and again in the incident reports, and more lies were printed in newspapers about my household. They tried to paint us as a drug house but instead of drugs, they found homemade iced tea and wrote in the papers that we were manufacturing drugs, before they tested it to see that it was completely negative for any drug substance, but they did not recant anything publically, and my reputation was ruined. My complaints go unanswered and every government agency I try to contact by phone tells me it;s not their problem, and deny every having received a copy of my complaint. No results.

So they throw me in jail although innocent and tell me they will throw me in there for 15 years because a roommate possessed marijuana without a medical license, and it occurred in my house. Now I know that anything that calls itself a government is not my government, I never chose it and I never agreed to be bound by it;s contractual agreements. That permission was stolen from all of us at birth when they issued you a birth certificate. Your lifetime of labor was sold oon the stock market so the corporate USA that you think is your dear government, could borrow against you, and you now have to pay it all back via income tax. So you are paying for every stupid thing the government does behind your back. So I fight them, and I lose. Ever time. No results.

It creates such a contempt for me that I have lost any and all respect I ever had for the USA, and it's tyrannical court system. So when I got sued by a credit account junk buyer, for a credit card that I paid over 5 years prior but couldn't prove it, I refused to contract with the corporation. (court) I refused to accept their offer to contract and I refused to enter into their evil courtroom. They ignored me and got a judgment for almost 4X the amount of the original balance. I appealed, and the judge did nothing but shut me up and cut me down, interrupted me and refused to let me have my say. He was angry with me and he denied my appeal, then granted the junk debt buyer more legal fees to be charged back to me. So I fought with 13 pages of legal evidence that I was not responsible for the debt, and my 13 pages were never read. I lost the appeal, and another $4000 was tacked on to the amount owed. I fought and fought, putting in endless hours of research every day, only to have all of my information ignored by the court system. No results.

I end up hating the USA so much that I accidentally put a knife through my hand while extremely angry and cutting a pineapple. The knife slipped and it was more of a blunt force trauma with a small but deep cut, but I went into shock, got dizzy, felt sick and almost passed out. I knew I suffered severe trauma to my pinky because it was stuck straight up in the air and would no longer move. I sobbed all the way to the emergency room, in disbelief that I couldn't control my anger for the US for-profit corporation that calls itself a government. I was angry because my daughter is married to a military man and they were coming through town, and I never get to see them because they live out of town and it;s too expensive to travel. They were unable to visit me on their way through because the army has him so afraid to enter into a place that had a reputation for drug activity, as the army threatens their faithful soldiers with loss of rank and pension and benefits if they so much as enter such a place. This infuriated me. I tried and tried to convince my kids that they have nothing to worry about, but they are so afraid of government retaliations, they would not visit me, as I could not convince them. No results.

So I decide to cut up fruit while I'm steaming mad, and now I have a paralyzed finger. It;'s why I get a lot of these ; instead of the "quotation" marks I want. So I see a doctor. She says it;s not her department and sends me to a hand specialist that takes 2 months to get an appointment at. I get there and they send me to physical therapy. Now I can tell something vital like a ligament got cut and will no longer pull the finger around. something severed. No physical therapy is going to do anything with a severed ligament. But they kept telling me to keep trying, and after four months, still no movement in my finger. It is totally unresponsive. No results.

I decide I must do something to make life better and get out of this rut, maybe try to pay off that rotten debt buyer, so I spend nearly a year applying for jobs, with not even a phone call back. Now a convicted felon for something I didn't even do, most companies simply toss your application in the trash. I have applied in person, on line, by fax, by mail, through craigslist, in the paper, and through a job placement service. No results.

So I try to join a real estate school to cultivate what I already have, and they say they have some financing options, because it is $15,000 that I don't have. A representative tells me they will have new options available in a week, and he would call me then. Three weeks later, no call, so I call and he says he will get with me and the school on a 3-way call the next morning at 9am. So I wait by the phone the next day until 3pm, when I text him and say, did you mean 9pm, only to find out he just forgot. So they try to put me on line to apply and I have to go to a credit reporting on line thing that will charge me for service after a month so now I have to remember to cancel it after I get my score, or get charged a monthly service fee. That's bad enough, then the system shut down and I could not register for a free credit report. No results.

It goes on and on, and it's been going on for way too long. So now I find myself at WA, trying to build a business in internet marketing, because even though I am suffering a lot of abuse here on this planet and in this horrible country, I have found a wealth of information on spirituality and human behavior that has saved my life through all of this. It is the reason things aren't worse than they are and the reason I have dealt with it all so far. I know what suffering is, I know what people need, and I know who's personal development information is trustworthy. I want to get word out to the people that there are always multiple ways of viewing situations, that we have to look for the good in everything, and that we have the power to overcome.

While I work here on my website, I contemplate how to deal with all of this, and how to use it to help others. Though I am worn to a frazzle and have lost much hope, I do get results here at WEalthy Affiliate, I am happy to admit. There are so many people here that care and are eager to help, and the experience has been frustrating as hell! Nah, that;s only because I;m not a nerd and this is not my territory, but I have gotten through the frustrations with a lot of help from all of you, and I appreciate you very much. This is one place I have been able to get through, maybe slowly, but have found results every time I really needed some. I have progressed through Course 2 and am going to let myself sleep for a day before moving on. I do have a site, that is about half builts and look froward to discovering how to be a full blown successful affiliate marketer, to fill the world with as much positive information as I can, because I know we are all stuck in the the same no result rut sometimes. If I can help anyone else out as I wish for me, I will have been true to my purpose here in life. Thank you WA, for the results you have given to me so far.

If you happen to be curious of how my new site looks, it;s still a rough draft, but it can be found at freetobeabundant.com . I realized through a lot of soul searching that I need to practice more of the concepts I have learned to grow with and want to share, if I'm going to have any level of integral salesmanship. I am exhausted, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. What better testament to my niche to be able to climb out of these ruts and share with others how they can do so as well. Hopefully this is not far fetched, and hopefully I will look back on this in amusement some day. My only goals for the next 3 - 6 months are to get into a better place, to save what I have spent my life building so far, and to keep seeing and feeling those results that I need so very badly right now. Thanks for listening.