How to get along with people and improve realtionships

Last Update: October 14, 2014

We relate with people in our every day activities in one way or another, good people skills therefore means great relationships, great relationships means greater success, so how do we really relate to other people? Stephen covy in his book 7 habits of highly effective people said, seek first to understand the other person if at all you want them to understand you, we typically seek first to be understood, most people do not listen with intent to understand, they listen with the intent to speak, they are either speaking or preparing to speak.

Majority of people fall in that category of seeking first to be understood, you tend to think that your ideas are the right ones and the other persons ideas are wrong, you correct people, you give advice, you judge, instead of truly understanding the other person, you may have all the knowledge in the world, but it serves no purpose to the other person if you don't first understand them, your amazing advice will always fall into a deaf ear, no matter how beneficial you think or they think it is, arguments and fights simply spring not from bad intentions to harm the other, but from misunderstanding, not paying attention to others and their feelings, we have all been there at some point, I was also there for a long period of time.

As you listen deeply to other people, you will realise the big difference in perception, of which we may both be right, when we look at a this page, I see black words, you see white spaces, we are both right, if we don't respect the difference in perceptions, we can argue all day on that point, proving how right I am, and how wrong you are, so that brings us to the question:-

How do we get along with people?

1. Be agreeable and easy going.

Agree to what people are saying, you don't have to take it as true if you hold it otherwise, just nod your head and agree, choose to see the difference in perception and do not correct them, they think they are right anyway.

2. If you have to question, question as a third person.

You do this by first appreciating what they are saying, you may say something like, well that's a good point Joe, but what do you think my manager will think if I told him this? this is when if what they were saying was wrong, then they will see it for themselves without you having to point out the wrong in them,

3. Appreciate people.

Give gratitude when people do small things to you, gratitude is a motivation to do more and better to those you give gratitude to, if you got home and your partner has prepared a nice meal for you, simply tell them thank you very much honey, this is the best meal I've had today, they feel appreciated and they will do more of that.

4. Practice acceptance.

Practice accepting everyone, good or bad, you do this by smiling and showing interest, if you don't feel like smiling, then fake a smile, you will be amazed after faking a smile couple of times it actually has a positive effect on you, it improves your mood, our subconscious mind can only hold one emotion at a time, so by smiling, you replace a negative emotion with a positive action that as a result gives you a positive feeling.

5. Approval of others.

This is by praising people when they do something, accepting people for who they are, mostly in public no matter what someone has done, approve and praise in public to maintain their self esteem, and then you may choose to correct in private, people love to be recognised in public not corrected in public.

6. Pay attention.

And lastly, paying uninterrupted attention to when someone is speaking to you, the more attention you pay, the more people feel comfortable to share and open up more to you, they feel respected and they respect you in return, they build trust in you, but if all you do is interrupt people before they even finish what they are saying, they feel disrespected, they feel misunderstood, and they eventually don't feel safe talking to you. always think before you speak, think of effects of your words to the other person before you spill the words out of your mouth, self control is the greatest mastery of human skills,

“Strong people stick to their morals, no matter what the trials and tribulations, Weak people, many a times, do not even realize how low they have sunk.”
Amish Tripathi
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KLewis Premium
Not sure that your menu would work for employers.
Joe14 Premium
Hey Lewis, you may correct me if am wrong, but As an employer, you may need the skills in order to have a smooth interaction with your employees to attain maximum results, I believe you are familiar with different styles of leadership, it really depends what kind of a team you have,and what your organisation is all about, and the results you want to attain, if your team includes highly motivated self driven staff members, you may need to use Laissez-faire leadership style, if the team are demotivated and lazy, autocratic leadership may fall in place and if the team falls in the middle, democratic style may be used, all in all, the degree of which you use your people skills will really depend on your type of leadership, your own paradigm, and the type of employees you have. people skills are imperative in all human interactions, the way you incorporate you skills depends on your own paradigm as an employer. hope it helps in away.
SowAndReap Premium
6 is so true :)
jazminf Premium
Awesome post as always Josy, I think my dad has that book, 7 habits of highly effective people. I have to ask him. Sounds like a good book. Thank you for sharing Josy:)
Joe14 Premium
thanks Jazmin, always a loyal reader :) and yeah the book is really really good You should check it out
jazminf Premium
I'm almost positive he has it, gonna ask tomorrow. If not then going to the library:) Thanks again Josy.
CarlaIves Premium
Good post, Josy! I think #6 nails it. Many folks don't pay attention to anyone but themselves these days. You can learn a lot simply by paying attention to others and what's going on around you.
Joe14 Premium
very true, you learn allot by paying attention to people, you actually learn something every time you pay attention to other people, and thank you for adding on that :)
Michelle04 Premium
Everything you said here is right on the money! You don't get as far in life if you can't get along with others. Great reminders for everyone. Thank you!
Joe14 Premium
what you said is true that Mlpdap, aw that's a tricky user name :)