No. 4 -

Create a Mental Picture

Okay, so we are working hard to stay focussed on the speaker. What can help is that we create a mental picture of what is being said. After all, the brain works in pictures so that shouldn't be too difficult, especially if we are right brain dominant, with all of its creativeness. Focus on the phrases used and keywords that are standing out in the discussion.

(pic source: lilyveldon@wordpress.com)

This doesn't mean that as we draw this picture in our brain that we are using the time to prepare our answers. Effective listening precludes rehearsing our response. Keep our focus on the picture in front of us. Then we can colour in anything that is unclear when we ask clarifying questions that we mentioned back in Tip 1.

No. 5 -

Don't Impose Your Solutions

We live in an era where reality TV shows have ridden roughshod over the previously taught value of not interrupting someone when they are speaking. Weren't we taught that as kids? Sure we were. But what's happened to that principle of living?

Yes, we might have come up with the perfect solution to the problem our speaker has been discussing with us. But is it? Were we really listening effectively when we concocted that solution? What are we telling the other person when we jump in gung-ho style with our magic solution?

Think about this these messages we are conveying:

• You aren't intelligent enough to find a solution, only I can.
• What I have to say is far more interesting and intelligent.
• I'm too busy to listen to the whole story, to your opinion.

Now, quite likely that is not went through our brain before we jumped in with our interruption. But that, potentially, is the mental picture now being painted in the mind of the one we were supposed to be listening to.

We may have a very agile mind. After all, we speak at an average of about 125 - 140 words per minute while the brain is comfortably processing up to 500 words per minute. So we need to discipline ourselves so that interruption with our amazing ideas doesn't dampen the enthusiasm for meaningful connection through our effective listening.

No. 6 -

Avoid Detour Questions

One of the biggest conversation killers are detour questions. These are a sure fire way to stifle meaningful and future conversation. Our detour questions lead the conversation down our preconceived pathway, instead of going in the direction the speaker wants to take the conversation.

For example, this is especially true when we are telling our friends about our recent vacation. We want to talk about our road trip and then out of the blue, someone asks about our hire car and which company we hired it from. Before we know it, they have launched into some hire car horror stories they have had or read about and we are left there, mouth open, wondering just how the hijacking of our conversation took place.

When we are focussed firmly on the conversation, creating our mental picture, any questions we have that has hijacking potential can quickly be answered. We can then say, "Glad you got a good hire car deal from them, now tell me more about..." It is their story. Let them take it in the direction they want. Naturally, if things become very negative and if they are heading into dangerous territory, then effective questions can steer the conversation back onto safe ground.

So six down, four to go. Anything so far that you are going to tweak in your listening skill? Maybe the last four will be the clincher.