For the Love of Toilet Paper!

byThischick

984 followers

8 years ago

So today I am going to tell you all about what my jerk of a cat Bingsu has been up to lately. Here she is in her mugshot:

So two mornings ago I open my bedroom door and I see strips of toilet paper everywhere. And there's a roll of it behind the front door and there's two more half-unraveled in the kitchen. And of course there is Bingsu the cat watching me the whole time prouder than a peacock. So I start hollering at her and pick everything up and bring it all to the washroom. And that's when I see this:

I always keep the toilet paper in the washroom and the cat has NEVER touched it before. But something possessed her to shred and toss those rolls all over the house in the middle of the night. As you all know by now I have clog dancers that live above me and I didn't hear a thing while she was busy making trouble.

So I get the brilliant idea to put the toilet paper in the hallway closet. The hallway closet that's like 10 feet from the washroom :(

Today was a busy day. Baby had a doctor's appointment that took way longer than it was supposed because the doc was late, a quick trip to the grocery store afterwards turned into a forever trip to the grocery store, and dinner didn't get onto the table until late.

For whatever reason my delicate constitution was upset tonight and I needed to go to the washroom. But the baby needed his dinner so I got him through that. Then the baby was being a Screamy Crabby Appleton so I decided to put him to bed before I used the washroom all the while trying to find a happy place.

So anywho, baby is finally in bed and I make a mad dash for the washroom and relieve myself. Everything was going swimmingly until I reached behind me for the toilet paper and there wasn't any there...

Oh yeah...in my rush to show my cat that I have the superior intellect I moved the toilet paper to the hallway closet. Way to go Sherlock, now what are ya gonna do?

Not a problem I think. I will ask my teenage daughter to bring me some. I open the washroom door a crack and:

I whisper her name and...nothing

I call her name and...nothing

I yell her name and...nothing

What the heck? Did she go to bed while I was putting the baby to sleep? She does that sometimes. I don't know if I can wake her up but I decide that maybe she's oblivious to the sounds of her own name but she will respond to something out of the ordinary.

So I start calling out:

"Hey are you asleep?"...and nothing

"Yodelayheehoo!"....and nothing

"Winner winner chicken dinner!"...and nothing

"Somebody poisoned the water hole!"...and then I hear:

"Mom are you alright in there?"...success!!

Ha ha I will be saved!

So I ask her for a roll of toilet paper from the closet and she half-asleep brings it and leaves it outside the washroom door on the floor. I'm trying not to fall off the toilet with one hand (gross I know) and fish the roll of toilet paper out of the hallway with 2 fingers of the other hand. And there's Bingsu the cat fighting me for the roll of toilet paper that she thinks is her new play-toy.

So I call out to my daughter again and she comes back to the washroom. I tell her she's going to have to hand me the roll because the cat won't let me pick it up. So I open the door something more than a crack while my daughter is shooing the cat away.

My daughter picks up the toilet paper roll and it's just connecting to my hand so I'm not holding the door anymore and Bingsu the cat jumps up and knocks that sucker flying into the door and back down the hallway it rolls. But when she knocked the roll I was trying to grab it so the door got knocked open in the process.

Yup picture it...me nakey on the toilet holding on with one hand and trying like mad to grab the door with the other but no such luck folks. The door flew all the way open and my daughter is just standing there with her mouth open.

The cat is eating the toilet paper roll at the end of the hall.

And there's me trying to cover my nakey and I yell out:

"Turn your head! Don't look! I'm naked and I'm falling!"

And so of course my daughter then has to look and she's dying laughing.

I must look ridiculous trying but failing to reach the door handle to close it while sitting on the johnny pot. In the end my daughter wrestled the toilet paper away from the cat and threw it in the bathroom and slammed the door.

And here is what I got to take care of my business with:

Nice...real nice kitty...just you wait. I will have my revenge. I don't know how and I don't know when...but I promise you it will be EPIC when it happens :)

Today I can totally see why some people are not "cat people"

Try not to laugh too hard at me when I see you in the streets Lovelies :)

Thischick aka Lori