Is there anything worse than failure? What do you believe?

Hello everyone The Fatguy here,

Failure, just the word makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and chills run down my spine. I can't stand fallure, but what is it really that bothers me about it? Is it the end of something? Did Iose something or someone? Did someone or something lose me? The list can go on and on but I think we all know what it is like to fail at something.

As for me I have failed at so many things it has been hard to keep track of all it. My first memory of failure is being about four or five years old and my grandfather teaching me how to ride a horse. I had been begging him all summer and today was the day. He helped me up on what seemed at the time a giant of a horse at the time, but as I look at pictures of the event it was a shetland pony maybe three and a half feet in hieght.

There I was in the saddle, the very place I had been begging to be for weeks. I was fine, the saddle was comfortable, I had sat in them many times while they were on the saddle racks in the tack room. The reigns felt heavy in my hands, but that didn't matter because grandpa was helping me hold them and I was fearless with him at my side. I look at the picture and remember I was so happy about being on that pony. Happy, that was the ponies name, we were both happy in the moment.

My grandpa then began to give me instructions on moving the pony. "Give him a little kick with your heels like this" he said grabbing my foot, kicking it into the ponies haunchs, and the pony began to move forward. Oh what a joy it was to be on the pony as he began to walk forward with my grandpa holding on to the reigns with me and telling me how to make the pony go left, make him go right, how to stop. What a memoryof joy I was having looking at the pictures.

Then I came across the picture of me being held by my grandmother, tracks of tears on my cheeks and I struggled to remember why. As I pushed my memory to give me the information I needed it suddenly came to me like flood waters what had happend that changed such a happy moment into such a tearful one.

As my granpa was giving me instruction on how to make the pony do this and do that I was so focused on what he was saying I had not noticed he was no longer holding the reigns and his hand was no longer on my back keeping me upright in the saddle. Then I did noticed that he was not there and fear, the deep seeded kind that runs all the way from the top of your head down to your feet, came over me and I no longer knew what to do.

Fear was now in control, I began to slip in the saddle, I was no longer able to keep the reigns in my hands. Things get a little fuzzy from that point, but by the time I was no longer afraid I was told my grandpa had notice my panic and rushed to keep me from falling. But fear had already done it's work and I no longer wished to be on Happy. I no longer wanted the very thing I begged my grandpa to teach me. I let fear tell me what to do instead of me telling me what to do.

In light of this story I did get back on horses and I am an avid rider to this day, but that is just part of the message I want to send to you today. I want to convey to you that when you are just learning something it is fun. Your mentors are there to guide you. Everything is fine and hunky dory at this stage of the game.

What happens when the fun stops and the reality sets in?

What happens when your mentors let go of the reigns?

Do suddenly notice that you are on your own and the comfort you felt with your mentor's guidance has left you shaken and you no longer know what to do? Do you give up? Do you let fear win in your moment of victory?

Getting shaken becuase you don't know what to do is not failure, it is fact and it happens to all of us when we are first starting out. It is only failure if you let it be, if you let fear control you and make you quit on your goals and what you hope to achieve in life.

So the answer to my question is, no, there is nothing worse than failure. Because it signifies the end of something instead of the beginning or the middle. Failure doesn't exist unless you allow it to. So I guess I have not failed at many things, I only failed on the dreams I gave up on.

At least that is what I believe.

I am always at your service,

The Fat Guy