I've Lost My Focus

The past few weeks have been particularly rough on me. After finishing my Chemotherapy treatments last year for Breast Cancer, I was slowly starting to dig out of the hole that all my treatments had put me in.

At the start of 2018, I was finally starting to feel "normal", after 4-5 months of focusing on undoing all the damage that Chemotherapy, Radiation, and surgeries had done to my body.

Just when I thought I was done with all my treatments, my Oncologist "highly" recommended that I take a recently FDA approved targeted chemotherapy for an entire year. This medication was called Nerlynx, and it targeted the HER2+ aspect of my cancer, to decrease the likelihood of recurrence.

I was on the medication for just under two months, and a handful of little pills each day has undone everything I worked so hard for. At only 38 years old, I am dealing with joint swelling, pain, and stiffness on a daily basis. Something I never had prior to that "evil" little pill coming into my life.

My oncologist is not concerned, because joint pain and swelling is a common side effect of the Aromasin I am on, but I'm not 100% sure that is the cause, since I was on that medication prior to the Nerlynx, and I had no issues. I am working with my Natruopath to finally get to the bottom of this. To determine if it is the start of Rumathoid Arthritis, or something else.

Needless to say, all of these issues have been taking a toll on me, both physically and mentally. I haven't been sleeping well, my energy levels are in the tank, and I am only able to get a limited amount of stuff done each day before my body says "enough".

To make matters worse, in the past few days, I have started to second guess myself. I was charged for my Shopify store, which is hit or miss when it comes to sales, as I haven't been focusing on it much. I made the decision to cut ties with Shopify, and started the process of transitioning it to a WooCommerce store.

Then I have started to second guess my path for my current website. I had started building out my domain around my cancer struggles and supplements I have been using to heal. But after seeing fellow WA members posting about sites using their own name, I started to wonder if I should be building this all out on jenniferbedell.com, instead of using the lifeinthemind domain. And if I did make the switch, then what would I use my original domain for.

I have started to feel like I am being pulled towards multiple projects at once, so I keep telling myself that I need to focus on one thing at a time, but choosing the one thing to focus on is hard, as each one has a specific money making aspect attached to it.

With time, I know that things will get better again, but I don't know how long that is going to take. I hate feeling like I do. It's a feeling that is very hard to explain, unless you have gone through it yourself. When your brain just doesn't want to function properly, and all you would rather do is just hide, but the drive within you won't let you do that. Last thing I want is to do nothing at all, and lose all this time.

I just keep hoping that the light bulb will go on, and I will finally have that "eureka" moment. Right now, I think I need to focus first on my wooCommerce store, and hope that a change of scenery will help me decide where my focus should be with regard to my personal site.