How to succeed as an introvert in 21 easy steps
[Oops, I wanted to create my first training, but I see I cannot do that because I haven't been a member for 3 months yet as I've just completed my second month! Therefore, let me just post it as a blog, and hopefully it'll still be of help to someone!]
How do you succeed at affiliate marketing, at having a successful business or in life in general as an introvert?
The short answer is: you don't. Sorry to say, the world is a harsh place, and it is not kind most of the time to shy people.
You can make your world much better by taking action, and acting like you're not shy, even if deep down you are shy. Or too perfectionist. Or too self-critical.
In this training, I want to offer suggestions on what you can do to help yourself if you are an introvert.
In truth, I'm just rehashing Kyle's excellent training by adapting it for people who like me can benefit for a more detailed version than the big picture: Boosting your WA .
I'm a highly compensated introvert. I started life as a crying, difficult and stubborn baby, turned into a shy, taciturn and lonely child. My brother was the opposite: born as a happy baby, he stayed easily effortlessly happy more or less all his life and it's a personality trait, unlikely to change. Life's not fair, but feeling sorry about it doesn't help.
My natural traits are to be pessimistically realistic. I'm very critical, self-critical and perfectionist, which are useful qualities in the right context. There is a lot more that I dislike than I like. Too much of this cannot be a winning strategy in life.
For success over the years, I had to constantly fight my natural tendencies, and I lost a lot of battles. It is so easy to fall back into my natural introverted style. But I know it pays off to take steps out of it. Sometimes the results take a long time to show, sometimes it comes out faster. One has to be patient.
In the long process, I was able to develop many skills that allow me to act nearly just like an extrovert, often enough. Both online and in real life.
If any of this applies to you and you are somewhere at the start or middle of the journey, then you have to fake it until you make it.
The psychological hurdles
About 25% of the population is said to be mainly introverted, and 75% mostly extroverted. Or different percentages depending on how you measure it of course and it doesn't matter: introversion and extraversion are on a spectrum. At different times, you can be anywhere you want on this spectrum, and the great news is that you really have some control about it.
Next you also need to agree that extraversion is better than introversion... And that, of course, is not always true. It depends. It depends on your values, and on the values of the people you interact with. I'll grant you 1 valuable activity for which introversion is better than extraversion against 10 for which the reverse is true.
You'll find much psychological literature out there trying to convince you that being introverted is fantastic, that it's not the same as being antisocial or shy. I recommend not falling for this literature, that will surely keep you comfy and well in your so-called comfort zone, while life passes you by. It is a trap! Here, I'll dismiss this literature and use the words introvert, shy and antisocial interchangeably, while remaining aware that there is a small distinction in meaning between the words.
It is true that you might find it exhausting to reach out to people, as opposed to other people who are invigorated by it, and that makes you introverted. But it's a fallacy to conclude from it that you are better to just stay in your comfort zone because that is who you are. Instead, please look at it as a sign that you need to do more than the extroverts to get the same results.
Fortunately, the seemingly impossibly big task of being an extrovert can be broken down into small chunks. Furthermore, the whole is bigger than the sum of its parts. I bet you will find yourself happier and more wholesome as a person if you follow some steps towards extraversion along the lines of what I suggest next.
The easy things to do
Here I will propose a daily list of activities you can do on the WA platform to present a more extroverted version of yourself online. Of course, you don't need to do any of these activities every single day, but on any work day, you'll find that it's very good for you if you do some, at least the easiest ones.
1- Welcome two new people to WA, by writing on their profile. One place you can find them is in Live Chat. But you can find them all over the platform too!
2- Each time you approach a new person, try to get a sense of what this person is about: try to nail down their name, if available (often this shows up when you hover over their profile picture), look at their profile, see what their interests are, their goals, how long they've been at WA, and what they've been blogging about if they have. As you browse through their content, add some "likes" as you see appropriate. If you're a very critical person, try not to be too critical.
3- Each time you encounter a new person, add them to your network. Of course, if you really don't like a profile, you don't have to include them. But please be inclusive, rather than selective.
4- Comment on the goals of 2 people. Again, like their post if appropriate, and include them in your network. The easy way to find the posts to comment is to click on your notices "bell", and click on the notification which will look like "and 329640 others commented on What are your "money" goals?"
5- Go to your Dashboard. You'll find a row of new Premium members. Welcome them and congratulate them on going premium. Try to be specific to them in your comments.
6- On your Dashboard, read some of the featured articles. You'll find that they already have lots of likes and lots of comments. Don't be discouraged by that with contributing your little bit to it. Add "like" and a comment as appropriate. Sometimes you might need to force yourself to do so. Be positive. You don't need to write the perfect comment, you don't need to read all the other comments to write a different one on an angle that is not covered. Sometimes, the first constructive thing that comes to your mind is the perfect one.
7- Still on your Dashboard, go to the New Blog section, and 8- the Success section. Again, read, like, comment.
10, 11, 12: Further down on your Dashboard, you have yet more opportunities to read, like, comment. 10- "How to rank", 11- "Motivating posts" and 12- "Members accomplishments".
More steps that require a bit more work
13- Try to answer questions on Live Chat. Personally, I only try to answer well-enough written questions for which I think I have a reasonably good short answer. If not, I skip.
14- Give thorough constructive feedback on Site Comments and Site Feedback. You can: add the people you commented on or that commented to you to your network, write on their profile. For extra effort, you can leave open the pages of the websites you commented on, and then return and refresh them a few hours or days later to see the reply, and perhaps you can reply again.
15- Write your own blog, and interact with the feedback you receive. 16- Same with asking questions, or 17- creating a training, like I am doing here.
18- Another great idea is to write a private message to a member that you feel you have more in common with than on average. This can be because of common interests, or because you received interesting useful feedback from them, and you feel like they would give you awesome feedback later on. Here the strategy is to aim to provide the other person with an approximately equal amount of value.
Your crucial online business and your presence
So far I've focused on the steps to take to be less shy on the WA platform. But it is even more important for you not to be shy and introverted about promoting your business. This is such a huge topic and there is so much to do!
Since I'm a beginner, I will not go into much depth here. Just mention what strikes me as the essential.
19- Writing your content. There can be a lot of fears and anxieties around creating your content and putting it out there for the whole world to see. Ask yourself what tasks are especially difficult for you to do, but would be helpful, and also what is not too difficult and more within reach. Think about the different formats that your content can be made of, besides written text. There are pictures, and also your voice and videos of yourself. Are some formats easier or more difficult for you?
20- Reaching out on social media. There are so many social platforms. Again, which ones are easier or more difficult for you and why?
21- Reaching out by putting your weight behind products and recommending them to others. You can wonder whether you have the authority or knowledge. But if deep down you feel like a product is good, and as long as you are clear about the limitations inherent in how much your opinion is worth, then why not wholeheartedly recommend it?
Conclusion
I've outlined 21 easy and sometimes not-so-easy steps to take to become more extroverted online. Watch out! This could grow on you and snowball!
You'll surely get the signals if you're becoming too extroverted, but even if it happens, it's no big deal, you can just tone it down.
I would be happy to hear about your experience with any of this material in the comments.
Recent Comments
18
I do disagree that introverts are necessarily pessimistic. I was a pathologically shy child as long as I can remember that grew into full-blown social phobia and agoraphobia. That said, I am also introverted as it takes a lot out of me to be social.
But I'm actually a thoughtful, happy person. My first reaction is never negative. I'm also able to function better in social settings the more that I aged, the more confident I become, and have never had problems online with dealing with people. I actually make friends easily online and offline.
I prefer to do activities alone, though. I like reading, writing and a ton of activities that aren't social. Just because I hate having to be social and I don't relax.
But even though logically I'm confident in myself now, I inherited anxiety from my mother and grandmother and struggled with it my whole life. I simply learned healthy coping mechanisms like distracting myself or self-awareness so that I know when my anxiety is 'saying' something illogical. It helps to put it into prospective. I also switched jobs to as low stress as I could and made sure that I'm working with animals for the sake of my mind.
But I've never been pessimistic or negative. I've had a bout with depression occasionally if life really has sucked, but I have always seen the best in people, or situations, even if they were hard for me to deal with.
I'm just a positive person mostly. I like myself, even the introverted part. I do fine online and that's why I'm doing affiliate marketing and not selling on Etsy or something. I don't want to deal with people that much.
Just because I prefer my own company doesn't mean that I don't know how to socialize. It just means that I don't find it fun.
Thanks for sharing, Rochelle!
I also love horses! My ex had long term retirement plans consisting in a ranch for recovering addicts, with the recovery being facilitated through the company of horses. Sounded wonderful and inspiring, and for some time I embraced this plan, till I came to the evidence that this world of addicts, recovering or not, was no good for me.
Animals of all kinds are very therapeutic, so a horse ranch for recovering addicts sounds wonderful. That said, it's not my calling to help addicts, but for someone whose dream is to help people stick to the road to recovery? I do know places that employ disabled adults have utilized horses to help the mentally handicapped often. Or veterans or trauma survivors. Horses could be therapeutic to other types of people too! Expensive though! They are definitely eating, pooping machines!
Following my own advice, over the last four 4 days, my WA ranking has increased nearly 10-fold, from over 11000 to 1599!
Shyness is not the same thing as Introversion. Which you acknowledge, Sort Of, by spreading your own opinion.
Introverts are those who can take it or leave it as far as being social applies. They just lose energy and become tired when they are around people.
This means to solve the introversion problem, you must find friends who understand and will allow you to be yourself.
Shyness is about fear and phobia when dealing with people, places, and situations(things).
There is a way to change your personality if you wish to do so badly enough. But it's not a condition that requires a cure.
It's a personality trait that is learned by a persons environment, background, and beliefs.
Here is the thing you must know about people who tend to be shy.
They do not get comfortable unless they enjoy doing something. This could mean it takes them a day up to a lifetime to conquer the fears they have been taught.
Just like any Trauma, you will only do what you teach yourself to be capable of doing.
Which means you need to understand what a desire is all about. There are ways to train your mind to do anything that you avoid doing.
REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT, Until you are able to get used to it. But when you do it enough, you can gain the confidence to continue doing it because you know exactly what the process feels like which allows you to do it freely.
I am proudly an Introvert who loves to do things alone while recharging my batteries. But I am also a shy person because there are reasons which I needed to understand that created some of the fear that I have.
As you are certain to understand that what works for you is not the truth for what any other person will find helpful.
The best way to become more comfortable being yourself is to set your beliefs each month so that it's about doing things which take you through the steps you will need.
But I do recommend to anyone that you write, research, and work on your self-dialogue because that is the part that you can control.
Eric
Hi Eric, I agree with what you wrote, and I remember feeling the same way about these topics. However, I wanted to offer a different perspective about it, and one that has been helpful for me. It might not be helpful for everyone. Yes, it can take a lifetime to overcome some fears, and sometimes, it's not worth the effort. It depends on your values, your concepts of success, of what is a good life. And it's more complicated because all this is dynamic, it evolves in time, every ten years that elapse and you become somewhat of a different person...
Great meeting you, and all the best luck to you at WA and in life!
Cheers, Phil
Writing is the one skill that doesn't need to be seen in order to work to help somebody. So, I recommend that anyone who struggles learn to journal. Trial and error, asking and researching, doing and witnessing all change what a person believes which is what has been of the most help for me.
I stopped believing in luck a while ago after I found that believing in yourself is a far better way to go. So, I will wish you success in achieving exactly what you are after plus the discipline to make it happen swiftly.
Eric
Eric, I am positively amazed that you have a network of 2572 friends! This is a fabulous accomplishment!!!
Eric, OK, let's see if you'll agree with my evaluation: I think you're an introvert who has highly compensated (for whatever reason, I don't know) so as to appear as a full extrovert online.
I want to make this point because I think it illustrates precisely the point of my post. Even though you are an introvert, you don't have 3 friends and 0 blog posts after a couple of years online. Somehow as you say, you didn't have huge barriers at writing and showing what you wrote to others. Maybe there were barriers, but they were overcome. And that made you successful, at least so far so good.
For me however, writing is in some ways like being seen by others, and judged by others, so I can have lots of hurdles to get over sometimes. Even with writing a journal. Because the journal can be found by someone, one day in a hundred years. Or because I can think that what I write in a journal is not good enough, hence better not to write anything. But like with all fears and anxieties, they can be reduced, with work, if the work is deemed worthwhile enough. I don't make a distinction between real life fear and online fear.
Imagine if you had stayed introverted online, with only Kyle and Carson as friends, and a fear to publish any of the drafts in your Site Content?
Apologies for taking your example as a prime example, but honestly I was a bit hoping for it. All the better if you're OK with it.
Best wishes, Phil
You have what I would call anxious writing because you still give a hoot about the opinions of others. This can be worked on by simply disallowing yourself to be embarrassed by others. I am sure there are times that you wish you could hide but don't.
That will show you it's possible to resist what your mind and body are telling you. Once you can teach yourself to do that by repetition you will start to take over what that critic is saying.
One of the most useful courses I have gone through is when I was doing one for life coaching. I even have a certificate that says completion achieved.
I just don't advertise that because it's an online course and I don't care what others think. I keep the power by way of some mystery about myself because I don't publish everything.
Some things I destroyed after I write them so that I get the practice without taking the risk.
I just happened to enjoy writing and did mess with it from time to time before evaluating that skill as pointless growing up. I lacked the creativity to make use of characters which was just a false belief that I held onto for a long time.
When I started to desire a work from home option I was able to begin my own experiments. One by one I started to ask questions, those then lead me to answers.
Of course, there were mistakes as there always will be mistakes but because I understand that even those things are completely useful it's okay to do them.
My experience is lengthy because people follow me more often than I follow back. But this is due to a realization that I never learned what friendship was about.
Once I knew I had that question I could look for answers and figure it out. People are strange creatures who want to be looked at as valuable.
For people who want friendships, they must be willing to become interested in what the other person does. This means you pay attention to them, listen and ask them things that prove you have been listening.
Also, you reciprocate things because everyone wants something from another person to start the relationship. This happens automatically without having to be aware of it.
Long story short I did a lot of searching and trials to get where I am at now. But this is only about the halfway point to where I am going.
I still have trouble doing things based on the resources I am lacking. This makes it difficult to try other things which would create a whole new world of opportunity.
At this point, I am actually stuck in a cycle where things are simply on repeat indefinitely until I can start building those essential connections with others in the same niche as myself.
The next chapter of my life will actually be about the outgoing personality that I have studied long and hard to utilize.
WA is a safe community in a way that creates a chance to learn.
Without this platform, I would have likely remained the scared, awkward, and self-loathing sabotager that I used to be.
The reason I say that is because, in the beginning, I was a negative member who got taken aside and learned how to handle criticism.
Rejections, criticisms, and self-sabotage are just three things that must be overcome
All of that goes way back passed your thoughts to a system of beliefs you have that give you a truth about yourself, about life, and about other people or human nature.
Thanks for your perspective, Eric!
Long weekend here, sorry for the delay to reply.
I'm curious what the online life coaching course you did was! I'm trying to put out some free self-coaching resources, so I'm interested to hear which good ones are out there already.
Any insights on what you can do to get yourself unstuck from your cycle?
Yes, I agree with you WA is a very safe platform to learn to express oneself. I've only joined two months ago and already, it helped me gain the confidence to produce YouTube videos of myself doing physical exercise, or speaking, or playing the piano. I was able to overcome my perfectionist tendencies and put them out there saying these are my first attempts, so I know there are much better ones than mine, but I'll do better next time.
For any life coaching or self-coaching programs, it's a pretty hard thing to review because you are really just teaching somebody how to solve their own problems.
I took a $10 course with the understanding they had advanced ones after it but didn't find it necessary to go further with more training.
The course I went through was by Steve G. Jones. Somebody who has a great backstory but since I have been on their email list it's all been spamming one thing after another.
I also bought a hypnotherapy course for $12 but haven't even gotten anywhere on that yet. It's also from the same guy.
Most of these type of courses can be found in coursera or edx which offer free courses depending on the niche or skill you want to learn.
You will also find Udemy courses that offer more specific information but do cost $12 and up to take. It has an affiliate program but with them, I would likely post a bigger list and show why I think it's interesting.
As far as getting unstuck, I have begun trying to go after reviews which will lead me to hopefully making more connections when I give a positive or thumbs up.
That is much easier to use as an excuse to email somebody rather than just saying I am a new PD blogger who admires you...
See more comments
Very good article! I too have to try very hard to be extroverted. The bad thing about it is being married to an extrovert.....they talk too much you don't talk at all......constant conflicts
I wondered why my activity rank was still so high so I will definitely put some of these suggestions into action.
Thank you
Claudia