I Should Not Have Done It

Last Update: February 12, 2018

I recently wrote a post here at Wealthy Affiliate and almost immediately became the victim of a cyber bully.

Website Backup and Migration (Caution, it's a bit of a Rant)

There's over 30 comments by one "new" member, most of which are personal and racial attacks.

At first I didn't know who this "new" person was but a friend sent me a private message giving me some irrefutable clues to his identity. A person named Bob had left WA at the same time as this "new" person arrived. And my friend linked to some comments made by Bob which matched some of the comment's the "new" person had made on my post.

So I outed him by saying "Welcome back Bob".

I should have stopped there but I was angry. So I copied and pasted the same message in reply to all his comments.

Today I deleted almost all of them. I overreacted and for this I apologize.

Should we let cyber bullies get away with it? How can we stop them?

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MinionJewlz Premium
I have the utmost respect for you and I know you shine above and beyond. I'm sorry for someone else expending so much wasted energy, instead of putting into making themself the best they can be in the community. I hope it gets rectified and not just let go, almost of us here just want good and to be part of good. Chin up, my friend! I'm hitting obstacles to get to where I should be, but I look forward to seeing you and the help and knowledge that inspire and guide me.
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wendyg53 Premium
The best way is to ignore them, but that's hard to do and we're only human.

They usually want something like to show everyone how smart and brilliant they are and how dumb everyone else is.

They hate being ignored.

But they still need to be reported to admin.

You're a real asset to this community Marion. I"ve bookmarked all of your training because it's clear and concise.
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tobocrs Premium
Marion, my first thought is to report them...
I would think that one of the (primary) responsibilities of Kyle and Carson would be to police the site. They may have a service, or have designated someone else that duty, but I would PM both of them, tell them just what you've posted and report back about the results...
Let us know how this proceeds, please!
Tim
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DMcCalister Premium
There's an old and true saying Marion; "A man cannot argue with himself" ... ignoring ignorance is the best way to show your strength and class.

Idiots like that try to draw you out into the street where they can continue to nag at you... they do not deserve any kind of recognition, silence is what they hate the most.

You are such a help to others, I know that had to hurt you so I'm going to send you a lot more love your way today!!!

Dallas
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MarionBlack Premium
Thank you Dallas. Your kind words mean a lot to me.
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GeoffGS Premium
It's almost Valentine's Day. Love is in the air. :)
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RizaPelaez Premium
Sadly we cannot stop them, all we can do is to not approve their comments or better yet just delete it. Also don't read it because as much as we try hard not to get affected we will always feel hurt by their nasty comments, that's their main goal anyway, to hurt your feelings and to get you to react. But they should not get away with it, however, it reflect on them not yours so just ignore it as much as you can.

I am sorry that you experienced cyber bullying, another way to see it is like a tree which has many fruits and people are trying to destroy it. So when one is successful, they will be attacked. We're only human and it's normal to get carried away and overreact, the important thing is you recognized your mistake and made it right even if that person deserves it. So way to go! :)

Next time you get attacked, let's cyber group bully him! LOL just kidding.

Riza
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jetrbby80316 Premium
That was an excellent post presenting two equally valid opposing opinions. No reason to be angry Marion, although i respect your apology and find this is understandable. Your 32+ copy and pastes of "Welcome back Bob" did not come across as "angry" as you may think. There really was no need to delete them.

Actually. I found your post was quite a fascinating and a rather helpful exchange demonstrating a subjective and healthy difference of opinion about a plugin (All-in-One Migration) between 2 very knowledgeable WordPress experts.

I can only speak for myself, but contrary to some others I did not find the exchange to be offensive nor considered any of the opinions or responses from either side to be personal attacks.

I respected both sides of the argument.
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JohnV Premium
I was fascinated to see the exchange and now understand better what was actually happening. I think your 'over reaction' was quite restrained and trust that his crass behaviour did not trouble you too much.
To try to answer your 2 final questions: no they must not get away with it, but as to how to stop them - that is a million dollar question all over the online world.
I think yours was quite a clever and dignified response, to what could have been upsetting and extremely unpleasant.
Few will be unable to see him for what he is, whatever guise he tries to adopt.
(BTW It is always amusing when someone has too high an opinion of their own cleverness!)
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RayAleksandr Premium
Ah, that's what it meant, now it makes sense :-)

We're learning an online entrepreneurship, I think we should be mature enough to understand a cyber bully. To start with not to become one - not just in here but anywhere in the webspace.

But how you react to a cyber bully too... I saw many people make an effort to protest against this person in your post. It shows how wonderful WA community is, but I also think it's a waste of time & energy. I don't think there's any point arguing with bullies. Tell them off and get them out instead!

We've seen two people fight against each other in the WA blog space in the past - because they both HAD TO have the last word. I think "less is more" when you encounter a cyber bully.

Thank you Marion for your training, tips & advice, I appreciate it as always.
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hotshotlegal Premium
Hi Marion, I cannot fathom how someone can behave like this, they must have serious personal issues (small **** syndrome?!). I suppose the answer has to be, don't give them what they want, which is attention; and report them, in the hope they will be disappeared!
I am sorry you have had been subjected to this antisocial behaviour and hope you find all the support reassuring.
I think your training is brilliant, and help second to none. Thank you
Have a great day!
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mbouteiller Premium
Hi Marion, wow, I'm sorry to hear this happened. No, cyber bullies should not be allowed to get away with it. I think letting Kyle or Carson handle the situation would be best and it would hopefully protect the victims. I know it would be upsetting if it happened to me.

Stay strong,..
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apache1 Premium
Marion you know we have had some issues with bullying in the past where I lost a good friend as they decided this was too much and decided to leave WA. This went on for a couple of months.

Constant hitting the spam button over and over again and not by one person but a group of them ganging together.

This person did nothing wrong but was a victim of such bullying, forcing them to lost write privileges a few times and when Kyle would restore it this would happen again.

I have no tolerance from those of the past some may still be lingering around but any form of bullying here should not be tolerated.

We all need to keep an eye out not by hitting the spam button straight but best to let Kyle or Carson know about such actions and let them take control of the situation.

Stay Awesome Marion.
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MarionBlack Premium
Yes, I do remember the "spam police". Thankfully I think they've gone now. Let's hope that a new gang never takes their place.
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apache1 Premium
Let's hope not either just stay true to yourself Marion.
Namaste
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DoubleTap Premium
Actually, I think the spam button needs to get disconnected. About two or three weeks ago one of WA's shining stars used his groupies (spam police) to spam button a newer member who had been posting some great stuff.

He was totally discouraged and we haven't heard from him since. Before this incident with Marion, that had been by far the largest and most intense bullying that I had ever seen here. And to this date, I don't think Kyle has rectified the situation!!!

Reckon there's a lot to be said for staying in the shadows and just keepin' it buttoned up!
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Give It A Go Premium
That is really sad Marion. I feel bad for you that you have been attacked by someone here in this community. Especially seems I have only just commented on another post about how lovely the community here are. But that remains true anyway. 99.9% of people here really are wonderful. I think everyone here can understand your reaction and no, we should not let cyber bullies get away with it. I wish I knew how to stop it though. It's a shame that people feel such a need to do this. I wonder sometimes how people get like that. You are a valued member of our community here. Take heart in knowing that.
Ange
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Dhind1 Premium
No, cyber bullies are no different than any other bully. We should not let them get away with anything, as they will only torment someone else. I am glad you deleted your replies as like most bullies as a response is what they are looking for. No response = no joy.
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iJared Premium
No bullying is right in any situation of any kind. Your actions are valid and understandable.

If there is a way to prevent it here or create awareness all off it.

This community is about success and support and leaving the BS of the real world and drama out of it.
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suzieq Premium
Hi Marion, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I can only imagine how you feel. I just recently had 1 unsolicited comment and though it wasn’t bullying, it still shook me up that they gave bad advice. Please know that I and many, many others appreciate you and the wonderful help you give us newbies.
Blessings on you
Suzanne
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bpais1 Premium
I agree with Meloday (Melb47).

Luckily, I haven't had that displeasure - but, I'm sure it is extremely distasteful to anyone experiencing it.

I don't know what I would do. I doubt that I would attack directly back at them - two wrongs don't make a right - even though the attacker's "wrong" may be very, very wrong.

I would have probably ignored them in the blog so as not to give them a platform to keep coming back with more vitriol.

But, I would have definitely clicked the little box in the upper right corner of their comment and identified it as SPAM - AND informed Kyle and Carson of the incident.

Sorry to hear you had to go through this, Marion. No one deserves it - least of all you - with all the contributions you make to our WA community!

Jim
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JeannineC Premium
You can't ever let bullies get away with it. If you are brave enough to stand up to them, do it. It can be rough, but you are helping to protect so many others. You did not do wrong. You only felt that way because you have a conscience while Bob did not.
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Janeel Premium
Not everyone wants to see other people become successful which is the real downfall of our society. But I also believe it makes no sense to waste our time acknowledging the people of the world who continually show off their nonsense because we are only giving them the attention the are desperately craving. I guess its all relative to what you want to deal with.
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gregd123 Premium
Marion, A lot of nice things grow at WA so I don't think you need to apologize for removing the weeds. Looks like everyone wants to forgive you for being a good gardener so all you need to do is to forgive yourself if you feel you need to. Bob will never get to enjoy the flowers in full bloom.
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DNicholas Premium
No worries Mate. It's a shame what some people will do just to mess with you. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I don't think you overreacted at all. In all honesty, I think it was a pretty sane reaction to a very undesirable situation. You've helped a lot of people here and from the responses you're getting, you're well loved. So, no apologies needed, besides no matter how hard you try you can't fix stupid! Right?

Don
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MarionBlack Premium
You can't fix stupid, even with duct tape :)
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DNicholas Premium
Super glue might help!
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TristanW1 Premium
Hey Marion :). If the great Dale Carnegie were alive he would remind you about the principle of living in "day-tight compartments". Don't let regrets or what you may perceive were mistakes of yesterday affect you today. There is no point wasting energy contemplating various scenarios that could have rendered a better result. Rid yourself of that worry and use that energy for today.

That being said I also don't think you have anything to apologize for. I'm new here and your lessons have been a great help to me. You are helping people change their lives with the information you provide. Don't let something as trivial as an internet troll bring you down on your journey along the rocky road of life. It's a drop in the ocean. Keep up the good work ;)
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MarionBlack Premium
Thank you for reminding me about Carnegie's "day-tight compartments". Good advice.
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tclough Premium
I'm kind of torn on this Marion. On one hand I can understand the urge to fight back against cyber bullies. On the other hand, they generally do what they do in a effort to get attention and it is usually best not to give them any.

I guess my approach would be to ignore all their comments completely but report them for inappropriate behavior.

It is a tough situation though and I am very sorry you had this encounter.

Tom
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FrankB44 Premium
I don't know how to stop it, Marion, but my money is on you to figure it out. I haven't seen anything from you that wasn't well meant and helpful.
This character may be someone that Kyle and Carson will not allow to remain a member. We can hope he's booted out of WA very quickly.
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Donnie58 Premium
Don't worry about it, Marion! He's a coward to talk so much trash from the safety of his keyboard and monitor, as are all cyber bullies!

You don't need to apologize, even if you think you stooped to his level! The only way to handle a bully is to confront him!
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ThaboN Premium
I'm sorry this happened to you Marion. No one deserves to be bullied, but it's especially disturbing when it happens to someone who is always eager to help others. I hope Kyle/Carson can get to the bottom of this.

Meanwhile, know you have a Whole Lot More people who wish you well.

Thabo
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lakbar12 Premium
I am sorry to hear this Marion. I am not sure how we can stop cyberbullying, this is one thing that I do worry about sometimes but, try not to think about it too much.

I find all your training and tutorials really helpful. I trust your judgment and find you very knowledgeable. I hope the bullying is done and over with as you did not deserve that. Keep up the awesome work. As your responses and training helps, people like me who are still learning...
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HowardJaros Premium
Sorry to hear that Marion! When you step out and offer assistance here at WA, even though it is not a requirement of being a member, but out of a desire to help others, some people just get jealous and they have to tear you down.

It's human nature for some and fortunately not very common here in WA! They get called out quickly and go away in shame.

He will do the same, and if not, we know the owners, right?

Don't let it bother you! You just keep doing what you are doing and we thank you for it!!
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DocDoug Premium
Sorry you had to experience this Marion. There is no escaping bullying it seems. What it points out to me though, is how rare that is inside Wealthy Affiliate. I mean, I see it almost daily on FB, in comments, on info sites and other places. But in WA it so stands out as other than the norm. Its a lousy thing to happen, but it gives me pause to be thankful for how little of that we have to deal with here.
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MarionBlack Premium
You are so right Doc. It is rare inside WA. That's something we should all be grateful for.
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