Bankruptcy looms…ver 1....Where will I find credit?....The "wordy version"

Bankruptcy hurts...it's super scary...but I had it coming

I really have to try to stay as high as I can on my journey to financial security, but I just can't repeat.... I will not give up. I will not waver.....or can I?

I still have so many insecurities to wake up to every day though. Bankruptcy just being one of them. I am not have a life with my kids. I didn't do anything bad. It's logistics. It's the lifestyle they have with their friends. It's a slow and painful separation, between 16 year old girls, and having to witness the failure's of there own father.

A man who just a few years before, was happy, and healthy, and filled with laughter. No bankruptcy, no lack of pride, and no depression and pain. It's the way that they see me. Down and out is no victory. Climbing out will be.

I don't have a car to take my children to a simple lunch. They don't have the time to go out for a simple lunch. I don't really think I can afford lunch. I'm living on fumes. With my looming bankruptcy, I don't have a credit card to even rent a monthly AWeber mailing list account. I need tools for this new internet business dream I have. I'm not going to let bankruptcy, failure, or my past get in the way. I can't afford to go there.

I remember being younger and being screwed like this. I remember being younger and not even giving it a second thought. The crazy thing is, is that this time I'm really at the bottom. I need to crawl out of this hole so badly. I want it so bad that I feel that there won't be a hole when I'm finished crawling out of it.

I will have turned the earth into a pile underneath me…that will elevate me to ground level.

Back to having no credit. That was something I could see coming. It was something that I was afraid could and would happen for many years.

I always had a job. One that brought me one step closer to bankruptcy....with every credit card that was sent to me. I had that job, that miserable lifeless job, up until I fell into my depression six years ago in 2008. I couldn't work after that. I just couldn't go back. I couldn't. All right I'm going to stop now. If I keep talking like this, I'm going to talk myself right into sticking a needle in my eye.

How do I get out of it?

I will have to fight like hell. I will have to change the way I think. I will have to fight hard, learn hard…and take extraordinary massive action. I will have let no one try to take it away from me. I will have take everything one step at a time.

Not get overwhelmed. Not get confused by quick fixes.

I will motivate myself by knowing that the doing will get it done.

I saw this very interesting video and I thought I would pass it onto you. It has a hyped up title. That's cool thought It has to do with doing the same five things every day.

Five simple things that you do every day, that over a period of time, that you set for yourself, give you the desired result. The analogy is very simple.

If you take five swings at a big tree with an axe every day, then over a certain amount of days, the tree will come down. I think it's called the "Law of five". I spent all day yesterday flicking around watching videos…Well here...give it a watch.

I spent a part of the morning speaking to a very caring and sharing woman who is a recent member of the wealthy affiliate. She gave me a very generous amount of her time and her patience. I need to change the focus of this website. I don't have many readers, at least not yet. If you so happen to be a precious readers, and have some idea of how I should repurpose, or refocus the site, I could really use your help.

The problem is… Is that this is not the only problem that I have...!!

I guess it would be so much better if I was still successful like I used to be. The fact is though, is that I'm not. I'm going to have to stop whining so much. I'm going to have to stop looking back.

I'm going to have to stop the negativity that comes my bankruptcy and not completing any previous journey. I'm going to have to push beyond the bankruptcy. Find another way. I'm going to have to tempt myself with the daily mindset of success. I have no choice. All the other stuff will only weigh me down and take me off focus.

Is that possibly you?

Are you like me? Are you in a similar boat? Is your own bankruptcy looming? I can feel your pain. The pain of that mindset, is holding both you and I back from getting on with the work that needs to be done to change our lives into something meaningful and a hell of a lot less painful than this is. There are baby steps to be taken, and walls to climb over. This is all doable.

The truth about my life and my looming bankruptcy.....I had it coming !!!

The truth is I might be battered and bruised, bankrupted and broke… yes, I might be all those things and more, but I'm not dead. I'm not even close to dead. I have plenty of breath left in me. And with as many breathes as I have in me, I must stay focused, and not take my eye of the ball.

Martin Luther King Jr....a man who gave "the dream" to the masses....once said this....."Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase"

Faith requires action though....action of a massive kind

Turn that massive faith into massive action....and your already a winner

Standing on the scary ledge of bankruptcy. The precipice of shame. The head space is very different when you're digging yourself out from under bankruptcy.

There is so much clarity that goes with a new beginning. It still hurts, and I have so many wrongs to make right, but I have new tools now, and new hope. I won't lie to myself, but I need to feel good about myself.

Once you know you have no other direction to go but up, the mystery of the struggle disappears. It's do our die, fight or flight time. There is no mystery to the struggle. There is only the struggle. The struggle is a whole lot easier to digest when you just take five swings at that tree every day.

The struggle is a whole lot easier to perform… When you know that "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase" the struggle is a whole lot easier to perform…when you understand that faith is the struggle.

Every action brings us the progress. Every progress brings us closer to victory. Every victory makes it harder to choke back the tears. Only you will know where you have been and how far you have had to come, to get to SOMEWHERE BETTER.

Don't spend your time choking back the tears.....let them all go !!

There are not many people that I know that I've wasted as many minutes as I have. I have pondered the thoughts of many. I have procrastinated myself right into having no destination. I even coined the phrase...."procrastination has no destination".

I played the guitar for hours. I wrote songs that hardly anyone ever heard. I work at a job for 24 years selling something I didn't want to sell.

I derived no satisfaction from any of my actions. I couldn't have....otherwise, I would have achieved success from them. It lead to my own personal and financial bankruptcy.

The worst thing about it is that I couldn't see it when it was happening. Especially the bankruptcy part. I was spending money on things with no value and no purpose. Wasting it. Like wasting time. I had no idea the time was actually moving forward. I felt like I was standing still.

I am going to do a whole lot this year. I'm going to try with all my might....bankruptcy or not

I will not waste any more time. I'm a creator. I've always liked creating. Not just creating debt that leads to bankruptcy. Not just wasting a life on a dead end job. I still have time. Time that I have been so good at wasting, I will now use every minute of. I've also been very good at destroying. My hope is to get this one right. To finally recognize the balance between building and destruction.

Procrastination has no destination…

Procrastination has no destination…

Procrastination has no destination…

I need to get that through my thick skull. I need to alter the mindset. I can't let things like bankruptcy, and wasted time get in my way. I need to stop saying clever things, and start doing clever things. The real power is in the doing. If this is you.....give yourself a shake....and or give me a shout.

More tomorrow......