Conversational Rituals!

byrjkennedy

2.6K followers

9 years ago

Conversation is a ritual. We say things that seem the thing to say, without thinking of the literal meaning of our words any more than we expect the questions. "How are you?" to call forth a detailed account of aches and pains.

On the job, the meat of the work that has to be done is held together, made pleasant and possible, by the ketchup, relish, and bun of conversational rituals. But people have different habits for using these rituals, and when a ritual is not recognized, the words spoken are taken literally.

I have heard visitors to the United States complain that Americans are hypocritical because they ask how you are but aren't interested in the answer. And Americans in Burma are puzzled when Burmese ask, "Have you eaten yet?" - and show no sign of inviting them to lunch.

In the Philippines, people ask each other, "Where are you going?" - which may seem rather intrusive to Americans, who don't realize that the only reply expected is, "Over there." It is easy, and entertaining, to notice different rituals in other countries. For example; in France, it's amusing that everyone ceremoniously shook hands and said "Bonjour" to everyone else arriving at work in the morning - and again when they left for lunch, returned from lunch, and left at the end of the day.

We expect rituals at points of transition like greetings, and we expect them to be different - and those differences to cause confusion - when we go to foreign countries.

But we don't expect differences, and are far less likely to recognize the ritual nature of our conversations, among other Americans at work. Our differing rituals are even more problematic when we think we're all speaking the same language.