What a horrible day
So I have had an absolutely dreadful day today. I honestly don't know where to begin.
I had a job that I received recently, working at a gas station near by. I had to quit today unable to fulfill even my full shift today, because I had another major anxiety attack and mental breakdown. This is year another in a string of failures in my jobs, because of
A. Anxiety Disorder
B. Depression
C. Schizophrenia
I've been doing this for so long because I need money, but I had to quit, leave work early, walk all the way home and tell my parents who were both angry at me. It was a fast paced environment, something I can't handle, with co-workers who may or may not have disliked me (I'm honestly not sure) which I also can't handle, and customers who were racist and stressful on top of that (not all of them, in fact most were nice and helpful, but some were another story).
So here I am sitting on my bed in my messy room, on my laptop like I do all day every day, feeling so defeated, defective, and just plain hopeless. But I think I might've learned something from all of this.
People are all built for different things, some are clearly better and more talented and skilled than others. Some are clearly better in social situations that I am. But I think I'm incapable of handling any offline jobs. Admitting that pretty much destroys about 60% of my goals and aspirations in life, but it's something I'm going to have to accept. I've been in therapy, I've taken the medications, and nothing seems to be fixing this issue, so this just must be who/what I am. So from this day forward I'm not applying to any offline jobs with fast paced, harsh work conditions anymore with heavy social interactions like customer service from this day onward. I'm done. From now on, I'll have to work online only.
I may not completely know how to do that, since I have no real skills, so the obvious answer would be get some. Sigh I wish it was actually that simple. Suffering from severe memory loss doesn't make that any easier on me. I deal with thoughts of suicide over things like these.
I never performed well in school environments and after today, I'm not even sure if going back to school will do me any good when I have all of these problems and I'm slow in the brain. I can't perform. I'll never be able to start a company if I'm to anxious to interact in business settings, I can't really do much of anything. Sure I'm blogging now and I'm going to keep doing that, on top of freelancing and other things, but it feels like I can only do the easiest of task (barely, with such limited cognitive functions like mine) and sometimes I just wish I was built a little more like everyone else. Somehow or another I've got to make WA work for me, because if I can't, then there's nothing left for me.
Recent Comments
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Man I think you are a much better writer than me. You can write for me if you want. Just pm me. Whatever it is just do it. Never mind those distractions.
You can write.. and a very good one, on the other hand, i'm not an english speaker, even for english i'm using google translate. I also using old laptop, so easy to get overheat and shutdown suddenly. Also unemployed, always need to search for free wifi anytime need an internet connection.
But I want change my life, even it goes so slow like turtle, I don't want to stop, a hope for better future fueled me, I'm still breathing, and write so many provocative things and stick it in my wall, just to keep me awake, there is dream that need brought into reality..
I hope I write it correctly :D
I'm already on textbroker. I've written 2 articles. Which reminds me. So far a majority of the assignments have poor descriptions, but a lot of them are exactly the same. A bunch of them are by the same person and the same request, I was wondering is it okay for me to take the same assignment again and again? To earn more cash.
I am not sure of the terms and conditions of textbroker...
Have you considered writing kindle books for yourself? Fiction or nonfiction?
Kids books (all ages), erotica, fantasy... are all pretty lucrative niches my friend.
What kind of books would you like to write?
I would be happy to collaborate with you to try and get something going. I have authored kindle books before and they make me money so I believe you and I could make something work.
You got a real talent for writing my good man. I can relate with a lot of what you are saying.
The best advice I can give you is to master one thing.. be really good at it.. become that authority... specialize in it...
I agree with the other members, you are an excellent writer. Your feelings/emotions come across very clear.
This will sound like a lecture maybe, but never give up. Remember that you are here for a reason, and you are one awesome human being.
From your post, it's obvious you have strength, determination and goals. You can do anything you want in life.
I feel like I can say this as my son's father had these same issues. I don't know how you feel, but I am behind you 100 percent and please message me anytime if you just need to talk or need help with anything at all.
Hang in there. :)
From your post, I see you're an excellent writer. You can make money writing articles very quickly. Sites like Elance, Fiverr, Textbroker.com are always looking for talented writers.
Keep your faith and keep blogging that's seems to be one of your strengths. And remember someone out there has it worst than you!
Stay positive
Hello Nanowave, I would be willing to listen, if you want to vent about today.
I have had those "yuck" days. However, when I look back, I survived them.
Message me if you want.
Sharon
Hi there. I'm sure some good things happened to you today. Can you name 3 good things that happened to you today?
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My heart goes out to you. I have a 19 year old daughter with a personality disorder who has just had a psychotic episode and a suicide attempt. Take each day at a time, be kind to yourself and get plenty of rest. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk to someone who is non-judgemental. Stay strong and stay safe.