My Mate, Bert's Backwards Guides

Last Update: August 10, 2017

Hiya, gang, all the way from my imaginary friend, Bert 'n' me.

Welcome to the first backward guide created in union, I call it a conspiracy really, with My Mate, Bert. It's actually a test for Google to see exactly what appears in Google under the term Backwards Guides.

We've tried similar before with spectacular - if rather unusual results. See our very own Google results page that we send people to when demonstrating SEO & Google.

Our Google page is GROWING and Bert says "It's mine, all MINE". Not quite sure that's what Google had in mind then they invented keywords, though!! W thought we'd show them how they're done "proper", Bert says!!


Being an imaginary friend Bert, ain't got spots, 'coz we both hate spots, especially that beauty spot where Bert's psychiatrist went over that cliff. Put Bert right off his seagull hunting when his psychiatrist got very accidentally shot and then did that. Very inconsiderate and rude of him, Bert said to that policeman....he had to get a new one.

Summing It All Up

If you're gonna start anywhere it might as well be at the bottom, Bert says.

So here's what you've learned today.

Nothing Yet but...

You've also learned that there's a load of stuff you ain't got to below yet 'coz you can see it down there, eh? See, it works this summing it all up malarkey, eh?

Giving Google What It Says It Wants But It's Just Being Awkward Really

We bet Google don't give a monkeys backside where ya Summing It All Up goes just as long as you've got a conclusion. It cheers up the spiders they've got in the attic.

In, fact, Google's far too busy down the boozer, probably 'coz they are lazy beggars who let the poor little big fat hairy spiders do all their work for them.

But if you place certain components on every page like, er, how about keywords, and er, a introduction, and er, an conclusion then Google stops it's hissy-fit and has a lie down instead.

Then Google thinks you're kind for cheering up their spiders like that and they say you're a really, truly, right bright spark . Then Google says it might as well index you anyway, 'coz it's got over this morning's hangover and the boss is coming down the corridor.

Bert wants to put his police record on here but I reckon he's just showing off - besides - it just wouldn't fit here!!


This post is all about components that Google searches for when it sets it's spider on you and crawling all over the place. I had a spider once until it's legs all fell off but it kept rolling over and fell into the fire. Lovely little pop, though!!

Big fat hairy things, spiders are, with legs and teeth and machine guns and stuff.

Bert's gran had a machine gun but the judge said he wanted it back.

Apparently Google breeds them spiders and has people at their HQ watching them closely. We won't go into details 'coz insect porn ain't our niche - it's Google's.

What You'll Discover Above

Google's a bit thick really so certain components need to be be on any post to un-thicken Google's brains and stuff up all their spiders.

Catch ya later with more dazzling insights from My Mate, Bert - the pubs now open and we're gone, gone, gone. It's Google's first round today, we paid yesterday!!

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DavePage Premium
McWord Premium

If you fall to rockbottom, you can't go down any farther. So starting at rockbottom, seems logical to me. It can't get any worse, right?

Thanks for sharing!!

My-Mate-Bert Premium
Hiya - it's kinds like that but includes the added bonus that nothing more really needs to be done to stay there.

Very handy when the pubs if open!!

catch ya soon - Bert 'n' Andre
phakacha8 Premium
Hiya,it's true let give Google enough to marking you and I, my-mate -bert etc.
My-Mate-Bert Premium
Google is Smoogle with a capital SMOO so Bert gives 'em Hell on Wheels.

catch ya soon , Bert 'n' Andre