Decreasing inspiration vs progress

Last Update: December 19, 2014

Hi guys! When you read the title of this blog post, you could think that I'm giving you a comparison between the two. Well, I'm not surprised when you think so. Well, guys, I won't. I want to write something off my chest for a bit in hopes that my inspiration returns. For those of you who have been reading some of my previous blog posts, know what I'm dealing with right now.

For those of you who didn't read my previous blog posts yet, I'd suggest that you read those first.

What makes me lose inspiration

It's because I emailed the Filipino embassy in my country and as of today, I still haven't gotten a response from them. On top of that, I had a meeting yesterday. This meeting provided me with more confusion instead of more clarity. As someone who likes to have clarity right away, it's frustrating when people don't provide me with it.

Then I decided that I should "downgrade" a little and only write and publish two blog posts each week. You see, I have to manage to add new content to my website on a regular basis until I make it to Cebu. I have a list of topics, which would last me three months when I publish two blog posts a week.

As you know the holidays are coming, and this is a time where I miss my girlfriend and our godson even more. My mom offered to have me come by at her place, and she would pay my train ticket. After lots of consideration, I decided to take her up on it. So, I guess that makes me feel less lonely during the holidays.

Now some progress

Yes, I did make some progress, but with all the negative energy around me, it seems to be so small. I guess I'm waiting for this big breakthrough that would give me so much positive energy that I would be able to block any negative energy. I'm sure you can relate when I say that most people tend to emphasize things one can't do or people don't think you're serious about how you feel. Like it's a "phase" or something.

So, what progress did I make exactly? I'll list them below:

- I wrote three blog posts since my last WA blog post

- I commented on the posts of some WA members (although, fewer posts compared to when I first started)

- I had the meeting with my social worker, and we called the tax office.

I got some clarity when it comes to the tax related stuff. Apparently, there's not much that changes for me. This is good news because I don't have to take care of many things before my departure to Cebu.

- I had two meetings with my job coach

One of them was with her colleague, and he gave me some clarity about the questions I asked him via email. You see, I'll be living in Cebu on a tourist visa, and I want to make sure that the Filipino government would allow me to have my own blog and make money with it without a work permit.

Her colleague suggested some options we could consider when my blog would start generating more and more revenue. I'm not at that point yet, which is fine because I want to help people with my blog. When revenue follows, that would be a bonus in my eyes. That's what I told him as well.

My second meeting with my job coach involved a meeting at one location of the Dutch government. We went there to talk about my feelings of unhappiness and how those feelings increase, and what we can do to request another kind of financial aid package for me.

Also, they started talking about them lowering the amount of this package over time, and this got me really confused. It was a big disappointment to my job coach as well because the one who granted this package to me, assured me that the amount would stay the same until they would reassess me (if that's the right word?).

We told that to the person we were seeing and another person joined our meeting and he made me feel even more confused. So, basically, the financial aid package I have now is temporarily. We want to have a meeting where we'll talk about a financial aid package which would provide me with an ongoing income stream until I reach the age of retirement. Currently, that's sixty-five and a few months.

The good thing is that my job coach managed to get the email address of the one who granted the initial financial aid package to me, and she emailed him. He replied to her email right away and told her to tell me to request a reassessment meeting in order to get the more permanent financial aid (shall we call it that?). She called me this morning.

I was surprised because I expected him to respond to her email after the holidays, and then telling me what to do. I guess, he realizes how important it is to give me the clarity I need as soon as possible. I'll see when he invites me for a reassessment meeting after he's seen my request. He'd have to communicate with my job coach about this anyway because I want her to accompany me.

What's gonna happen during the holidays

Well, mom offered that I would call the Filipino embassy using their landline because it's a regular landline number. This means that I could make "free calls". I really hope that the people working there can help me with my questions.

Based on the answer to my first question, which is their ability to assist me over the phone or not, I'll come by the embassy before I return home. I'll call my dad when I'm going to, so he can pay for my train ticket from my mom to the embassy's location and then back to my place. He offered, so I'll take him up on it.

Speaking of my dad, he offered to buy me groceries for Christmas, which I graciously accepted. The law of receiving made me see that this is as important as giving. I can see this as some progress because I usually have a hard time accepting things from my dad.

In other news

For those of you who read my blog post about typhoon ruby, it seems like most of the Filipinos were spared. My girlfriend and the family are doing fine, and their house didn't have any damage at all.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of it

That's it for this blog post. Thank you very much for taking the time to read it. Enjoy your weekend!

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JewelCarol Premium
It certainly can be frustrating if things are not going our way. But life sometimes needs us to be patient, :) I hope things will get better soon for you ... will keep you in prayer, Muriel. Take care. )
AllynBeekman Premium
Sorry its taking so long to get an answer, Muriel. This waiting period will make the answer all the more sweet, though. Keep doing some WA while waiting. It will help get your mind off things a little bit.