On thinking positive

I took my first dance class at the age of 3 and instantly fell in love. My parents enrolled me into a tap/ballet combo class in a recreational program. I enjoyed both styles but ballet was my thing. I was 11 or 12 when my teacher decided to start a pointe class. For those of you who don't know, that's when you learn to dance in the special shoes that are crafted so that you can dance on the tips of your toes. It used to be called toe dancing. About a year into that I sprained my ankle. I refused to not dance. I'd wrap it and push through. Unfortunately, that's what dancers do. Due to some life complications I stopped studying at 15.

So here I am, age 40, with bad ankles from dance and bad maintenance. When I started teaching dance in 2006 I considered retraining myself on pointe. I really struggled with whether or not it was a good idea. It was something I really wanted. I could have set it as a goal but I'm glad now that I didn't. Most mornings when I wake up I have limited flexibility in my ankles. It walks off soon enough but it's there. When the humidity is high I feel like a 100 year old woman when I get up and down from the ground. How much worse would it be now if I had forced myself to train in my older years? Dancers begin to "get old" in their late teens and early 20's.

Even now there's a part of me that want's do train, to force, to push. But why? Really? It would do way more harm than good. Have you heard of the serenity prayer? Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Regardless of my great desire, set of goals or positive thinking I will never dance en pointe again. I have to accept that I can't accomplish every goal I set my mind to. I have to be reasonable. That's reality.

Now I teach. It brings me great joy but it was never my goal. I love teaching and I'll do it as long as my body allows me to. It was never my goal and I'm OK with that.