The Joy on my Child's Face when.
I've been sharing daily about what's been going on for me recently, so I won't repeat any of that. You are more than welcome to read my blogs and catch up.
I've been making a lot of big time life changes recently and I came to another decision and put it into action.
Yesterday I told my kids that I won't be leaving them in aftercare every day at playschool, from March I'll pick them up at 12:00 instead of 17:00. My 4 year old daughter just stared at me for a minute with a straight face while she took this in and processes it. Then a huge hesitant smile came onto her face and she started asking me so many questions...
Her brother of 2 years started laughing and joining in but of course he didn't have a clue what is going on, this was just a case of monkey see, monkey do.
My daughter asked me if that means she will be at home during school holidays or will she be at the school. She wanted to know if that means we will go away on holiday during school holidays like so many of the other children do or will we sit at home.
What will we be doing when we come home? Painting? Swimming? Can we do ballet dancing? What about watching movies? Can she have a friend come to visit? Can she go to visit a friend?
You know, just the usual 5 million and one questions from a 4 year old.
It just confirmed to me what I have come to see so clearly recently. I started off my own business and my vision was that it would free me to be with my kids more, it would give me more control right?
Well it didn't, I felt more trapped than if I was working for someone else.
I had more responsibility. I couldn't take leave, I couldn't go away and leave my online shop, I couldn't rely on anyone to run it properly (yes I was burnt a few times)...
Hell I worked until 4pm 19 December 2013, drove to the hospital 8am 20 December 2013 to have my baby via c-section and was back at work 8am - 4pm full time from 06 January 2014 dragging my baby with me .... does that sound like freedom to you? It sure doesn't to me!
Here is a post I wrote a little while back here about Financial Freedom:
Like I mentioned in previous posts this is a leap of faith I am taking. I want financial freedom which is NOT all about money. For me it is about my family, my children. So I don't have the money yet, well stuff it... I can spend time with my kids.
They are only 2 and 4 years old, but they are growing so fast! They will only be kids once and if I don't take this leap of faith how long will they be sitting all day at school till 5pm?
My mom stopped working when my older sister was born and she was a stay at home mom.
Every day she picked us up from school.
Every day she made us lunch at home and we all ate together.
Every day she helped us with our home work and school projects.
She watched every single school sports match, every school concert, attended every parent teacher meeting.
She volunteered and lifted us when there were school outings, taking us in her car and perhaps a few friends.
She let us have friends after school when their parents were still working.
She drove us to birthday parties and to our friend's houses.
I remember most of my friend's parents were divorced, I remember most of them went home after school to empty houses because their parents worked and only got home after 6pm. I don't remember seeing a lot of parents watching school sport matches but my mother was always there. She was selling the food in the tuckshop at school break...
If we were somewhere she was somewhere close on hand. She was the best mom ever when we were growing up. I perhaps didn't see it then, but I see it so clearly now.
I don't think I will be able to quite be as good as she was, but I am sure as hell going to try.
So I am going to work mornings when my kids are at school and be a mom from 12:00 onwards.
I feel such an urge to just play with my children, so I am going to do just that!
I just keep coming across so many posts and people all saying the same things:
- You are exactly where you are supposed to be
- Your websites are great, your foundation has been built, the seeds have been planted and they will sprout it is just a matter of time
- You write well, you are good at this, you will succeed
- Stop trying so hard and you might find success quicker
- Focus on what is important to you (family)
- Stop trying so hard and practice the law of attraction, believe in yourself
So yes this is exactly what I am putting into practice now. I am going to spend some time meditating. I am going to practice faith. I am going to trust myself and I am going to stop burning myself out all the time by trying so hard.
Yes I am going to be playing in the afternoons soon, just playing with my kids.
We'll see how this pans out for me, with a little luck it won't come back to bite me in the ass.... hold thumbs for me!