Loved One With Dementia

Everyone of us has a loved one or Knows someone with a loved one with Dementia

If you or someone you know has a living or past loved one with dementia, you have felt the pain that we go through watching someone we love progressively debilitate slowly before our eyes.The sorrow, the guilt and the total feeling of helplessness pervade. Or, you could have a loved one who became demented immediately, they were in a car wreck, had severely high fever, had an oxygen starving coma, insect bite, or sports injury. The list goes on ad infinitum. Some say that it doesn’t matter. ” If you have Dementia, you have Dementia.”

My personal experience goes something like this.

I woke up at 4:30 AM, Seattle Wa., With my girl friend”s head resting on my chest the way I usually slept. I slid out from under her quietly and slowly so as not to wake her, got dressed and went to work. When I returned she was asleep where I left her. I took a shower, grabbed a cocktail, banged on the computer for awhile and then sat down in my sooo comfy leather recliner. I realized, obviously that I had fallen asleep because it was 4:15 AM the next morning. I went upstairs and made some coffee, grabbed a mug and went down to get ready for work. Since I Hadn’t talked to Joey since Two nights earlier, I decided to wake her up an talk a bit before I took off . She would not wake up, would not respond. I immediately called 911 and called my work taking sick leave. Then I freaked out, cried, cried and cried and broke things. The aid car came and took her vitals and her blood sugar reading. It was very, very low. After some calls to the emergency room doctor she was rushed to the hospital and determined to be in a diabetic coma.

I will continue to share my experiences with a loved one with Dementia but first let’s talk about how we can try to do our best to overcome our heartbreaking situation. One of the first things I realized after a lot of trial and error was to not treat Joey like a patient. It took over a year and a half, Joey being hospitalized or institutionalized for two plus years. I’m sure that this is or will be a difficult process. It is as much a mind set as it is a process. Many of our friends treat our loved ones like a puppy. I’m sure many of us “baby talk”to our loved one. When we start treating them like a person they begin to feel good about themselves. Joey cried every day for months. She went to sleep and woke up in a horror show, a bad nightmare. She couldn’t eat, walk, talk, toilet herself, etc, She knew something was terribly wrong and that no one was helping her. There may be very little that we can do physically or mentally, but we can be fun and funny around them and work diligently to find something that makes them happy and makes you proud of your compassion. I learned an now facilitate mindfulness groups. I used it with Joey and had very good results not only for her but myself. I also see a psychiatrist weekly to receive and learn CBT, Cognitive Behavioral therapy. I think, for the sake of our sanity we need to do something with them that makes them feel good as well as you, and you enjoy it.

A very important component is to share our experiences with others who are in similar situations. In that regard we are starting a forum where we can discuss our experience with others, pick up helpful ideas and most of all have communion with others like us and help each other.

We will also make reference to professional material, articles, books videos and other helpful media for your review and comment as we will do.

Please leave your comments and address and receive answers in personal communications and on the forum.

I can’t wait to hear all about you and your loved ones.

LP