Papa Shares Family Pain

I have been around you great folks for about three months now. This group has become a second family to me and I feel very comfortable here. I have gone through a very rough patch and it will not end for another week or so. My time will be split up even more than normal. Let me explain.

I went on a trip to Las Vegas in September with my nephew for his 31st birthday. He was looking to move there because he hates Minnesota winters. We talked and I did find out he was having a hard time and really thought a change i venue would do him good.

We went together and looked at apartments. He searched for jobs. He won some money playing Texas Holdem. He is a great poker play with a genius IQ and a memory that can retain just about anything! Both of us were having a great time!

We flew back to Minnesota and on the flight back he told me he was moving in a few days. He was ready! He had found an apartment. He had a choice of a few different jobs. No more cold! He seemed very happy!

He loaded up his stuff - it all fit in his car - he was living with his uncle and was going to get all new furniture. He was ready for an adventure! He had many miles to drive and a couple of places to see along the way!

He wanted to visit a brewery in Denver,,He did this and called back to report it was a great success! He was now on his way to Los Angeles because he wanted to see that area before he settled in to the daily routine.

He had a great time in Los Angeles and was now on his way to his new life. He was happy and ready to tackle the challenge.

He started working and was even running some 5K races! We were all happy for hiim.

My sister received an early morning video from him a week after he started working and move into his apartment. In this video he tells her all of the turmoil he had been hiding from us for many years. He had been miserable for a long time and just could not take it any more..This was his modern day suicide note.

If anyone does not think depression is real this should change their mind. He hid the depth of his depression from everyone. He had some good times but they were overwhelmed by the bad ones. He knew help was available as his mom suffers from the same disease but he refused

I went to school and studied psychology so I do know there was really nothing i could do unless he wanted help. This realization does not make it any easier! I will still wonder what if even though I know better...He chose what he felt was his only way out..

I am the oldest of my siblings, my sister the youngest. I have two brothers in between. I am the one who takes care of this emotional stuff when it happens. I am going to Las Vegas to finish up what needs to be done there about 10 days from now because my sister wants a memorial service next Saturday and I want to attend.

I am broken up about this journey but I will do it. I have always taken care of what needs to be done and my nephew was like another son to me...I will do what is right with no regrets and lots of tears but it will get done.

I just want to thank you guys for letting me get some of these emotions out..I truly am all about my family good times or bad. Rest in Peace LK!

Take care,

Keith