Working with Someone With a Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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I stumbled across this condition on the internet when I was researching bullies and why they behave as they do. If you've read my post - My Real Job, you'll be expecting this blog, as I actually worked with someone with this disorder.

I was a victim of Workplace Bullying and I discovered that my Perpetrator (for want of a better word), - suffered (and I say this word loosely as I was the one who suffered) with this condition.

I was astounded when I found a website that listed the symptoms - every single one described her to a tee.


Symptoms from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narciss...

I worked at a local school and I had done so for seven years - I prided myself in a job well done. This new "girl" was on the same level of pay as I was so not a supervisor or of any managerial position but only two days after she started, she began to question me - had I done this? had I done that?

It soon became apparent that nothing I did (in her eyes) was right. She would belittle me and watch every thing I did and then even though she didn't know my job, try to tell me how it should be done and yet my manager was more than happy with my work.

She did the same with other staff but at least they didn't have to work as closely with her. She had her desk moved in the office so that she could see everyone in the office from her position. I felt like I was constantly being watched.

The office manager and the headteacher were frightened of her and very soon she was getting her own way, no matter what the consequences were. Although I stood up to her on several occasions, it got me nowhere as she got the backing she wanted from them. Visitors to school, thought that she was the headteacher.

She was nasty with parents who came to the school office, so much so, that some complained about her to the headteacher - this didn't achieve anything as I say the headteacher was frightened of her.

Whenever other staff came in to speak to the office manager she took over even when it was of no concern of hers.

The only difference between this person and the pages that I researched was that it steadily decreases with age and people in their 20's score higher. In this case she was over 40 and I saw no signs of her symptoms decreasing.

She made me feel weak and inferior because I stopped standing up to her, but now when I look back, I realise that I am the better person.

Working with her was horrendous and although I put up with it for six years, I had no intention of her beating me, but in the end I couldn't handle it anymore.

Do you know anyone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?


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Recent Comments

32

That is why we all need an independent income. We may have a job we love, when a boss changes and conditions become intolerable, we can walk away.

You are most definitely the better person Pauline :)

Thank you so much Jude that means the world to me

I do. And that person is in the upper 60's in age and I see no decrease in their narcissistic behaviour. A person can end up with PTSD from close exposure to an individual like this. You escaped!

Sorry I didn't like this because you are experiencing this problem but because you spoke up - thank you for your comment

I am very fortunate to not have had any experience with this type of behavior. I am so happy that you have been able to walk away from it.
The worst co-worker I have ever had was a compulsive liar. She would lie about everything and never even seem to realize how transparent she was.

Yes I do. Google Narcissistics and their Flying Monkeys. Gives you even more insight.

I will thank you

Pauline, I'm sorry you suffered under this dreadful experience. You eventually walked away. I'm glad to read (from your other blog) that you feel better for doing so, some 18 months later.

I can't say that I know anyone exhibiting these traits. Snobbery and putting others down in order to build oneself up, points directly to a lack of self esteem, I would think. Perhaps they want to make others feel lower than they feel about themselves.

Projecting ones own suffering on others—so that others must suffer too—makes for intolerable relationships.

You're not weak or inferior, Pauline, even though you felt that way at the time. We all have different gifts. One of your great gifts, Pauline, is caring and hope. Enough cannot be said about how the spirit of caring and hope are passed to others, without you doing anything beyond giving them away.

peace,
--Fran

Thank you so much Fran - your words mean the world to me

This sounds very much like someone my mother worked with several years ago.

This must have been awful to be on the receiving end of. I think that she was probably suffering even more, though. I know it sounds strange to say it, but I think someone only behaves like that because they have so much insecurity and pain inside themselves.

Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if she was badly treated by her parents when growing up. They probably ignored her completely, and so she had to fight for any scrap of attention she could get.

Study finds bullies are the bullied too:
https://www.theguardian.com/education/2008/aug/29/bullying.schools

Looking back over my own life, the times when I have displayed the worst behaviour towards people have been the times when I was also being badly treated by other people myself. For example, when I was a kid my brother used to pick on me, so I would end up getting into fights at school. And when I was a teenager at college, my brother was bullying me and trying to manipulate me, and this made me very difficult to be around when at college.

I can understand that being true in some cases but I think in this case she was pushed to do well and be a perfectionist, whenever she spoke about her parents it sounded like she grew up happy, I am sorry to hear of your experiences though, it's a cruel world we live in

But being pushed too hard to be a perfectionist is a form of abuse in itself. There was a girl at my school who had a breakdown because her parents put too much pressure on her.

Maybe your bully was just mentally defective, though.

A very interesting read. I've experienced this and being the non practicing alcoholic that I am, could safely say that I've been this person in my drinking days. Though I always did feel empathy for others, it was so often overshadowed by selfish needs.

Since I've been sobre, I've experienced it from the other side. Serves me right I guess, but the one thing that almost always rings true is lack of real leadership when this happens in the workplace.

It is a result of either disengaged leaders who are removed from the situation, or leaders that have been intimidated by the offender as you described.

For fear of their own job security or fear of conflict (conflict resolution is a mandatory leadership skill) they often side with the offending party.

I walked right out of Harbor Freight Tools for exactly this reason. The leadership of the company had shown me their true colors, and after a time I decided it wasn't worth one single second more of my time to be there. At this point in my life I had realized that I was a hireable individual. My fear of financial insecurity was beginning to diminish.

The point is that leaders who fear the loss of their own job so much that they can't see the reality of a situation, or are unwilling to deal with it are only driving the company they work for into the ground.

Those companies that have leaders removed from the ground level are helping to spell their own doom. Either way, it's never worth my time to make money and be miserable.

I've had to make amends as best I could to people in my life, and there is redemption. Do not fear your narcissistic work mates. Do not fear your boss or leaders. Do not be afraid to look elsewhere for employment if you feel you've done everything in your power to improve the situation, but no one's listening.

This has been my experience, and I hope it helps. Thanks for relating such an important life event. I have a feeling we all go through it on one side or the other.

Oh yea. My life sucked when I behaved that way. I didn't hate others, I hated myself.

Geoff.

Thank you for your honesty Geoff and for telling your story - it's good to get these things out

Thank you. Sorry if I hijacked your post. :)

Absolutely incredible, this power of self-confidence these people have- all based on lies or exaggerations- sad that it can have such a power.....

I know many people who have at least one of these symptoms......

Thank you for this blog, Pauline, your willingness to share speaks of courage and character......

Love,

Therese

Thank you again Therese I appreciate your comment

Persons like these must be admired, you must compliment them! Probably like this, you get the peace! They are very fragile persons, in reality!

I cannot possibly admire them dorina feel sorry for them maybe - but I was the victim here she got all the glory

I know you can do like this with this person, it means to be false all the time! Be proud you get rid of such a person, for sure a better place it will be for you!

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