Over the past 5 years.

byjiran777

1.7K followers

Updated 9 years ago

over the past 5 years and a half since i left my secular life and left my blog to focus on what antoine de saint-exupery's little prince calls "matter of consequence," so many important things have been kept away from my life.

since leaving my old self, i took Doctors of Medicine with an axe on my head did part time blogging from a private company, took my Masters in Forensic Anthropology and had an all-access pass to people some would only dream about brushing in TV ( yes even famous people catch cats scratch disease) over the past years, i changed phone numbers ten times, had influenza twenty times, slept-walk thirty times, colds a hundred times, emotional breakdown thousand times, and insomnia forever.

Ive been one with the corpse and had an occasional creepy conversations written on my ethnographic notes. I ditch my latest gadget hording compulsion over scalpels and microbiology slides to serve as my comfort pillow.
I learned much from the doctors who have grandiose beliefs of self-righteousness. Lessons like scanning my psychiatric pharmacology to find cures from their mental illness more than anything else. I learned writing quick and listening even quicker. I learned that some patients do not have anything but they have something to buy a pack of cigarette. Some patients aren't sick really, they just wanted attention from a womanizing husband or a cheating partner. And some patients are really sick but cured easily from their family's love.

I've been out of the country and went to countries i only imagined going at Nat Geo. ive seen AIDS patient dying, a baby crying silently from extreme starvation, abused woman in bitter tears of anguished and revenge, an innocent baby with glioblastoma multiforme undergoing an excruciating chemotherapy, ive seen fathers contracting STDs, mothers getting thesame disease from the husband, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, in palpable sorrow from loosing their loved ones.

over the past years, i lost weight, gained weight, lost it, and gained it back twofold.i had my hair bald then grown deformed -looking like Einstein's intellectual trademark. i changed from trendy to all white life styles, lost my personality but brought one back. i discovered how to write journals on hospital diaries and have my life story version written by the gossip team in the nurse station . i lost my cultural capital by getting myself focused on work and work alone. i lost my nightlife, and got it back by getting myself on 72 hours of merciless pre to post duties.

I've been a sneaky leader to colleagues who judged me, and incidentally had that same quality gain me friends from most of them. i shared food, ate anybody's leftovers on the quarters table, and had somebody ate a spoiled tuna sandwich.

i've been an ear, a mouthpiece, a megaphone, and a muffler. i've been a shoulder, an arm, a hand, and a fist.

i've shed tears and made some people shed tears for me. i've lost my pride and gained too much back. i've had eye bags and put myself in the painful process of losing it. i felt like i stagnated and found a way to get out of the rut. i lost friends, lost contact with friends, gained friends, and gained too much contact with the new ones. i gave birth to ideas that never saw the light of day. i got exposed to the light of day with a terrible drought of experiences to serve as my shade.

i've learned to forget, and i've learned to remember. at some point, i've learned that some things are best forgotten, while some work best when they're kept fresh in the memory.

i've learned how to write fast, and learned to listen much. i've learned how to ditch my notebook and pen for the notes app in my phone, over handling 2 kilos of Schwart's mother book in Surgery.And at some point i forgot how to sleep, and if i do, to wake up from a residents long list of demerits.

One by one, the memories of the past 5 years and a half will flow as another chapter in my life sets in. they will flow together as context to the more recent events in this life i'm leading. Life is short but doing what is essential is even shorter. I realized that i havent done much yet.

atleast ive grown and never gave up