The Agony of Going Home
I have taken care of my mother for a little over a year. In that year, she had 6 hospital stays, 4 rehabilitation stays, 6-7 ER visits. One of those visits kept me up all night at the ER to find out if she had another brain bleed. It was a bruise and she was sent home with me.
In November of 2015, I joined Wealthy Affiliate. I love it! I am a writer and I have so much more to learn. Webinars to watch, the affiliate bootcamp, Carson, Jay, and others who have given us many resources and recorded classes to learn from. I finished the first courses.
With the demands of my mother who is not bedridden, but uses a walker, it caused me to stay up to 2 or 3 am to work. I have almost collapsed. I still did my workouts for I write about fitness. I wrote a long list of things to write about. 2 of Mom's doctors told me to get Mom into a nursing home.
Finally, I gave in. I live in Tennessee. I got all the information and things faxed to a nice nursing home in our home state of Mississippi. Our family is down there and her sisters. I had started a post on getting enough sleep and it hangs in the balance until I get home to Tennessee. Mom stays with her sister while I am with my older sister in the country. My sister has no Internet connection and lives on 800 acres. I am actually using my phone for connection while sitting at an abandoned house where the person who lived in it died last year. I am desperate, I guess! I begged Mom to go into the facility earlier so I could go home. Her last day to get in was last Friday.
We were to get to the facility early on Friday, but alas, Mom screwed it up. Her sister who is diabetic sat on her couch eating Reese's Buttercups watching me pack Mom's clothes into my car. My aunt has a malicious mean streak. She did not help at all. I got everything packed that I could and waited. I called my husband. He said leave her. I called a wonderful lady who I attend a class with on Mondays. She said put her clothes out and leave her. I put her clothes out and here comes Mom with her walker practically running.
My aunt gleefully sat on her wooden steps while I told Mom to hurry up. We had a long way to drive to get there. My aunt pops off that I better stop talking to Mom like that. Like what? I told her to shut up. She popped off nastily about money and insinuated that me and my husband were rich. I told her where to shove it. I told her we work and enjoy working.
I got Mom in the car and we got to the facility at 2. They made us sign more paperwork, then it was after 3 o'clock. The admissions lady said we needed hard copies of Mom's many prescriptions. I told her I would drive up the road to the doctor and get them. She said it was too late. It was after 3 and the pharmacy was closed.
I cried. I took Mom back to my aunt's place and put her stuff back inside and left. You see, the joke is on my aunt. My mother will wear her out. She did last time we visited. My aunt almost begged me to take Mom back to Tennessee last time. This time, Mom stays. One of my younger sisters is going to work on getting her into the nursing home.
Yesterday, I found out that my childhood best friend had advanced bone marrow cancer. I was going to see her anyway for a lunch date. But she had been tired and pale for a long time and just got her tests results back. That is the worst bitter pill to swallow. So, today is May 8, 2016 and I would be home today in Tennessee to catch up. But, I am going to see my dearest friend tomorrow. Today is mother's day and she is blessed with a loving family. I might as well have the Mafia as my family.
The class I go to on Monday's is called Adult Children of Alcoholics, addicts, dysfunctional parents, and chaotic homes. I grew up in a dysfunctional and chaotic household. This is a valuable lesson to me. I learn everyday and it helps to learn these lessons. I am a people pleaser. So, I will be going home on Tuesday. I will get back to Wealthy Affiliate classes and posting. I have made myself physically ill over this and I take responsibility for my choices. I see my Google ranking that was once down so much, not down so much. But, I cannot focus on that. I am posting to help people like myself.
This isn't meant to be negative. Life gets in the way and we have to roll with it. My wonderful husband told me not to worry about it. He said I would catch up and for me not to rush. I will not hurry, because I want to do a good job for my audience. I love them all so much. I love our community, too. How blessed we are!
Angie
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Sounds like you have been through the mill in many ways and you are right there are many emergencies, family matters and life in general can take us of course for a bit however so long as we pick up the reins and go once more.. hope you enjoy the time with your friend and life is a bit kinder to you
Thank you KatieMac. Life is already kinder as I am able to catch up on sleep and get to posting more. Not having the negativity from Mom is helping me get my energy back to where it used to be. I will now have time to watch the webinars and do the affiliate bootcamp. I cannot wait to learn more. Starting over has never bothered me. I will finally be able to think straight and not feel under pressure. I appreciate this community so much. I appreciate you KatieMac for responding.
All the best,
Angie
P.S. My friend does not have bone marrow cancer. Tests came back and she is not making iron. She is severely anemic. She will be having to receive blood, probably the rest of her life. So, she will be sick sometimes, but what she has is not fatal.
Glad to hear the reassuring news of your friend, you do have a great positive attitude and glad things are going a bit better
Holy mole Angie, I think our parents transfer the rucksack of rubbish they inherited from their parent onto our backs. Not realising the wrong they are doing.
I don't think any of their actions are malicious. Its the mindset programming they have received (we all want to be loved).
My mother was not a happy woman, my brother took all of her words seriously and is suffering the consequences. I didn't take her seriously and have faired better.
You have 416 friends thinking about you.
I absolutely agree. Having her out of my house is giving me my energy back. I have always been the type to bounce out of bed and accomplish a lot of things. I had not been around my mom in a long time. Having her in my home took a lot of of me but I will get it back. As long as I can breathe, I will keeping working. I truly appreciate your support Keith. Bless you.
Angie
I can totally emphasize with your experiences Angie. these things will pass or work out in life.. One thing is that you have a GREAT talent for storytelling. It looks like you have literary background, You have a talent for writing e-books and your prose would fit well in copywriting if you want to go commercial. It's a bright world ahead.
Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your support. Each day is getting better. I will go home tomorrow and have so much more time to write and work on WA.
All the best,
Angie
Oh Angie, I can completely empathize with you. Your background and upbringing sounds very similar to mine. I looked after my mom at my own home until she passed and I know how she could drive everyone a little mad! If you ever want to chat privately feel free to PM me. In the meanwhile, listen to your hubby and take care of yourself as much as you can. (As a people pleaser myself, I can give advice, just don't follow it for me, I'm last in the line to be looked after!)
God bless you Jude. My husband has wisdom. He can read my family like a book. The great thing is I can have my time back. My mother is selfish. She thought nothing about being late for appointments with me begging her to come. She is not allowed to drive and cannot live at home. She is still at my aunt's. My aunt will be in intensive care in another week! We all have stories and that is why I love to write.
I wish you the best,
Angie
Thank you so much. I have completely surrendered. I will catch up in due time. My dear husband is right. I have been under pressure for a year and now I am free to enjoy what I love doing.
Again, I appreciate it.
Angie
Angie, my heart goes out to you. I was in the same situation up to April last year, when I had to place the love of my life, Marie, in care. My ordeal went on for over 3 years while I tried to keep her home, work and also take care of the house.
The worst part is that she suffers from dementia and it came on over a period of 48 hours. She had a total mental break, then just slipped her moorings and drifted off from me. I visit her as much as I can, but seeing her like that really upsets me too.
Dr. Phil once said that chronic illnesses, such as dementia, cancer and MS, kill 2 people - the one with the disease and the primary caregiver.
He is so right. I ended up in hospital due to the stresses involved in her daily care and the lack of sleep due to her wandering at night.
I came home one evening, early in the onset of the disease, and smelled something burning. It was a stainless steel pot on the stove with the burnt remains of ginger tea in it. I turned off the burner and lifted the pot from the burner. As I moved it, the aluminum part of the steel, aluminum and copper base slagged out all over the top of the stove. Aluminum melts at 1220 degrees F!! If she had touched that pot as it sat there, she could have killed herself and destroyed the house.
I got no help from family, as they were way to far away to be a help.
I finally had to place her in a care home. The worst day of my life.
I know what you are going through and will keep you and your family in our prayers. As for your aunt? As the Brits say, tell her to sod off.
You are loved.
God bless your heart. My mother has early dementia. Every new pair of pants she got, she would put cigarette holes in them. She is also on a lot of pain medications for rheumatoid arthritis. Her falling was so bad even when she held on to her walker. I have nearly had a breakdown having to be the one making the decision putting Mom in a facility. Since she messed up the time getting into one, my sisters can take on the responsibility. My aunt needs to be in a nursing home herself. Mom and her will be fighting and getting on each other's nerves very soon. Some of my sisters took her money and pills for years and I tried to do the right thing. I always get kicked in the teeth. My husband told me I did all I could and I have 4 sisters who can figure out a solution. I am worn yet free.
I cannot wait to get caught up but I am going to take it moment to moment. My husband told me to not stress myself out. I am not going to. I see my best friend today who is critically ill. Then, I am going home to the life I deserve to live. You are loved, too. You did the best thing you could do and will be blessed for it. I am so thankful for this community and the support.
Many blessings,
Angie
Too true, Angie. You did your best and suffered for it from all and sundry. I don't know your husband's name, but he deserves sainthood for helping you deal with all the crap, hate and abuse.
Yes, take your time; talk to me and our family members here in WA; go home to your immediate family and sit back, chillax and thank God for the peace that comes with that. I'll be here to talk. Get me on PM.
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It is tough having to make decisions like this when a parent can no longer live on their own. My mom has been in the nursing home now for about 3 years. It was not an easy decision to make, but she needed too much care for any of us to be able to do it in our homes. Plus, she is around other people and can socialize with them.