Life is Not a Box of Chocolates...
The one topic that I keep going back to and the many books I have at home and have read about, along with the profession I was in for 7 years kept bringing me back to one topic. Before I tell you that topic I want to also share my 13 years of working in the health care field and the 3 degrees I have earned all in healthcare which has given me the education needed to understand health and diet, diseases, preventative medicine, healthcare, and more. I have also been a trainer at a gym for 4 years and have been involved with diet, weight lifting, and exercise for 12 years .
Now, I graduated with my first degree in 1997, three weeks before giving birth to my son. I took the tri-rail to the college five days a week and walked 1/4 mile to the college with toxemia (a serious condition that pregnant women can get). I gained 97 lbs.during my pregnancy and I was brought in to the hospital to have an emergency C-section after the doctor tried to induce my labor with pitocin and caused me to go into shock and convulsions. The doctor was not so bright but I had just turned 18, so I did not know any better. Either way, I graduated with a 3.86 GPA, second highest ranked graduate in the program and walked (to get my diploma) holding my son in my arms. I started working for a Family Practitioner three weeks after giving birth because my son's father was and is a real loser, but that's another story. He did not work nor could he keep a job because he had a major attitude and anger problem, which was a part of my home life regularly. He was abusive. I mean I have a butcher knife slice on my left wrist that I did to myself in the middle of a huge fight. It is from one side to the other and I used some butterfly bandages and some duct tape to close it and let it heal on its own. Pain, that's to say the least along with infection. Pregnancy was an accident while I was on birth control because of taking Penicillin and not being informed. The father was told it would be hard to have children because of on semi-working testicle but 15 years later and he has two children. Mine and some idiot that is where I used to be. A lot of times the abused becomes the abuser, which is true for me. I started to fight back. I took boxing and kick boxing lessons and the last time he hit me, I fractured his maxilla and zygomatic bones-the two bones under the eye, gave him a broken nose, and two black eyes. If I was ever hit now, holy shit, that person would meet their maker. The problem with my anger was that it carried on into the next relationship and this time I was the violent one. That's another story.
I needed to get out of the situation I was in because I did not want to raise a child in that environment. To watch your infant shake in fear at the sound of his dad's voice is a horrible thing. I had already been fired from a few jobs because either this man would break my car and keep me from getting there or would call the job and tell the managers that he was going to come up there and slice there throats. Needless to say, I was let go and told that I needed to get help. I had lost the weight from my pregnancy after putting ankle weights on my ankles and working as a server at Cracker Barrel a job a got in between other jobs. I met a doctor named Dr Chambers at the restaurant and he gave me a part time job at one of his offices. He invented a hair growth procedure that would remove skin and hair with a hollow circular device. Imagine a drill that would drill 1/4 inch wide holes into the back if your head starting from the left and moving to the right. The holes were about 1/3 inch deep. Those circles would be snipped and placed on a petree dish and then the assistants would take tools and a magnifying lamp and slice these circles into tiny layers with one hair follicle in between skin. The back of the head would be sewn up and then slits would be created with a medical knife in the direction of hair growth. We would come in and place these tiny pieces of hair, making sure they were facing the proper way, with tweezers into the scalp. The hair would root itself down like a tree and eventually grow. It was pretty cool and I enjoyed working for him but I needed more money. My mom is not your typical "Betty Crocker" mom and is someone I have learned not to be like. My dependency in relationships has stemmed from never being told "I love you" or having someone talk to me about things I constantly instill in my son like being happy with yourself, teaching him how to speak confidently to people, shaking hands with a sturdy grip, giving someone eye contact, taking care of you before worrying about children and relationships, making sure that he has a routine to follow, chores to do, teach him that doing the tasks you don't like the best you can will eventually make those tasks not that hard to do. I talk to my son and his friends and although his thinking is a lot more irrational and emotional, I have to try and understand his urgency and emotional connection for things. Parents who try and control every step their children do and keep them from being able to experience being a kid end up causing more harm then if they allowed them to be kids. I'm not talking about not letting them go out until 2am at age 15 years old. I am talking about not letting them have friends over, ever or letting them do things with their friends. I have seen it with many people including myself. I was on my own at 15 (my mom kicked me out) and I got my GED at 16 years old. Got my first degree at 18 and a baby too. I worked two jobs and put myself in an adult relationship when I was a child and an abusive one at that. What happened was that trying to be an adult when I was not an adult, caused me to get out of control when the right conditions display themselves. My mom and I never and still don't get along because she is one who thinks the world revolves around her and no one can tell her different. She was a "Nude Entertainer" and had worked in this for a few years. She brought up the idea of me working in the field with her but the thought of doing that made every hair stand up. I had always been self conscious about myself and was a "Tom Boy" who wore baggy clothes all through my teen years. I could not imagine doing anything that involved getting butt naked in front of 100 males and then going up to each one and asking them if I could dance for them.
I began to think about my situation and one thing led to another and I decided to try it. The hardest thing to this day was getting up on that stage with my mother while I auditioned for the job. I have never worn high heels and I knew nothing about how to be a girl. Over the first few months, I learned how to walk in 9-10 inch heels and learned how to walk like a woman and speak like a woman. I learned by watching others and then started to implement how to be sexy on stage and in the way I talked and how I looked at people. It became less hard to do and eventually it was easy. The thing is that when you are around an environment, you begin to act like that environment and things that seem crazy or nuts don't seem that way anymore. Sex was a normal part of my day. Not having sex but talking about it and portraying a sexy fantasy for customers. I started to acquire customers of my own and they would give me anywhere between $500-1500 to spend time with me. I would dance, talk, and mostly listen to their problems-home, relationship, work. They would tell me things they didn't comfortable telling their wife. They loved their family but many felt ignored or put second if they just had a baby. The truth is that it helped me learn a lot about males. I met my prior boyfriend of 6 years in their and then met my 11 year relationship in their as well. I used all the things I learned from working in that environment and to this day, it has kept my romance alive. I have never had a man leave me or get tired of me and it saved my life.
During this time, the doctor I was working for part time went to one of his offices in Clearwater on his private jet. He took six assistants with him and asked me to go. I chose to work an event held at work and my mom did not want to watch my son because she was working too. Well, on the way back the jet hit a recreational building a half a mile a way from the Palm Beach Airport, landed upside down, caught on fire and they all died.
I eventually got into some problems, which caused me to fall on my ass. I lost everything and had to start over but that is another story. There are so many relationships out there that are missing intimacy and having problems. The average relationship, over 4 years is intimate once a week, maybe twice. Now I have had my ups and downs but I make it a point, even when I don't feel like it, to be intimate with my man. No quickies, no half ass sessions, but full satisfaction 6 days a week on a bad week and more on a good. The truth is that the better my relationship is at home the better every other part of my life is. I have not worked in that environment in 6-7 years but I still dance for my man. Its really not dancing but just removing clothing slowly and making the other person want something but denying them that which they want. Relationships should be fun and the other person should make you a better person. Not drive you crazy! Well, sometimes.My website is based on information from sex therapists, books, and my own experiences on how women can bring back romance. There has to have been something there to begin with. Simple things that can help and how to do them. Things that men don't really care about, want to deal with, or hear when they walk through the door after a long day of work. Instead of getting offended like I used to do, you should learn that you can't change anyone who doesn't want to change and instead try and make your man happy. It is easy to get what you want when you ask things at the right time. I don't think any man would turn their woman away if they greeted them at the front door in something sexy or nothing holding a beer or whatever and dinner made. We always think about our wants and needs but never stop to think about the other person. If you love the person you are with, then making them happy should be your number one on your to do list..Now I am not saying that all women need to bow down to their men. Men also need to take time to tell their women "you are beautiful" and "I love you" because we need to hear it. Men don't realize how much their women would appreciate hearing those things and then showing them those feelings. For now, I have written enough. Probably to much. I will continue with part 2 in the days to come....
Recent Comments
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I agree. It was really personal. Although her writing could've been improved and had a better focus or theme throughout, I still read towards the end. It's safe to say she won't be able to write all her articles like this, so she'll need to focus more on her main focus point / topic at hand better though. I had good English teachers & my dad's pretty good at writing, so yeah. lol.
That's crazy your mom kicked you out when you were 15 though... if you want my opinion, she deserves nothing from you... although she still is your mom & should be loved for that regardless. But I firmly believe it all primarily starts with the parent, and kicking a kid out at the age of 15 is ridiculous. I remember when I was 15... I was a Freshman in high school. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life by that time. I was like, I'm going to work for NASA! Saying that & facing the world as it is without parents to guide you is really rough. I know that my dad's 61 years old now, been through Vietnam when he was young, and I'd have to say I was pretty lucky to have him as a dad. I've learned a lot of life lessons from him, & I guess that's why my step-brother's where he's at now because of growing up with him & of course actions he took himself later. www.twitter.com/trey.layton
My mother divorced him, but I still see her and they get along pretty well Now (partly since me & my 2 sisters & 1 brother are not hard to handle kids anymore). My situations was kind of opposite yours, but that's not uncommon. :p
Sorry about your ex-husband too. It amazes me how creeps like that even start off having kids or any sort of relationship with women. My only guess is bad boys are "more bad" at getting relationships with other women. Then later when they've been fooled repeatedly, they realize the quiet guys who have often are emotionally distant or have had a rough childhood as well (mother died or something) are usually the best guys to go out with. They weren't raised stuck up and spoiled by there parents, and again, a lot of it spawns from the parents.
I know I'm not as old as you, but one of the best advices I get give you is: Monkey See, Monkey do. What your son sees you do, he'll physiologically copy what you do and partly use what he's learned from you to formulate in any resulting actions in his life. I realize you can try and tell him don't do what I do, but that'll normally just transform into him telling others don't do what I do or give him that type of mind frame in the 1st place.
Then finally, for all that advice you've heard, try not to base around what those guys with relationship problems or emotional stress in your life. I recommend reading a book written up by a professional in the field of sex and emotional stress and use that to undermine everything else you might've heard or seen. I'm sure you can easily teach me quite a bit in that area. I'd have to say my biggest issue growing up was a lack of socializing with others, even though I lots of friends now anyway & it wasn't a HUGE deal I guess. It's just I could've probably been a little more open with peeps & stuff. I've learned to open myself up much more these last few years though. I know that I'm a very caring & loving person.
If you need any help with I.M., feel free to send me a message. Good luck.
Slayton- Not an EX HUSBAND!!!!!Hell to the no!!! I was not that stupid. It was just a boyfriend....I almost did marry him. For what? I don't know.. Not Married!!! I will when the time is right. I want to get married ONE TIME!!!Sounds Crazy....Marriage binds you and it really is meant to be a spiritual binding, making two people unite as one. That is why we have the wedding ring. So many get married just because or for the wrong reasons and I am glad I did not. When I am done with school, and have my career, I will start to worry about the M word.The men that I dealt with-doctors, lawyers and regularly men. I worked in a very upscale place and I started to know these men very well. See..If you have never been in a strip club (Not a Whore House) than you really cannot say anything because than your just being bias. Men are men and hoes are hoes. I know more hoes outside and in school than I have ever met in a strip club. I met both my relationships in them. Last one has 2 Masters Degrees and is the Vice President of Kimley Horne and Associates. You can Google him. His Name is Greg Kyle. He has a 4.0 gpa and let me tell you that he took in my son (who was 3) and I in and we were together for 5.5 years. He was hurt more by losing my son than losing me. I left him for someone else and yes the grass was greener. I never took advice from them. I gave it to them. Both relationships. This one at 11 years and the past at 5.5 years were with men but the difference is that I felt something unique and a passion I never felt and while most people would say that you should not do what I did because it usually doesn't work out, that was the best thing I did. I found a love I had experienced before. I left a car and everything I had because it was all in the other man's name to go be with this man. You know we spent everyday together and 11 years later, I still am in love. Not to say there haven't been downs because there have been many but we got through them and we did not distance our self or place blame on the other, which is what we tend to do when things get hard. I have four books that I have used and read and teo are from a male perspective and the other two are from one a female's perspective and they are completely different in their views. Psychology is controversial for me. I believe some, some theories have been disproved and others have been neither. I don't believe that people who have no experience in relationships but a degree can tell you what you should in a relationship. School is not hard. It is a cake walk. The fields that are hardest are science, medical, engineering, along with a few others. I sometimes find it boring. Most experience comes from real life. I don't everyone should follow the same circumstances because each circumstance is different, so my view is mine and want to be able to have other views posted along with the results. Fishing is called fishing because you are looking for a fish. If we caught a fish every time, it would be called catching. Just practicing medicine. It is a guess based on symptoms along with Objective and Subjective Information. It is not a guarantee that what you are being treated for will work. It works for most because those specific symptoms and conditions in a specific manner is usually that disease. Same with relationships, sex, and love. Whats normal for some is not for others. To me, its abnormal to constantly wonder if your normal. If you like it and you are okay with it, its normal for you. Screw what anybody else thinks.!!
Your son is lucky to have a mom like you, keep on working on your website. You're experience in everything you said will make you successful.
Also on a side note, even though this blog was very long. You kept me reading till the end. It was the truth behind it and the connection you made by that. keep doing what you're doing. :)
Thanks. I think that writing the truth and not omitting things is hard but it is real and that is what I like people to see me as.
I am actually working on some things. Pages disappeared last night. My internet connectionis horrible no matter which one I have. Im by UF College and thousands of students accessing the internet make things crash sometimes. I made them private because it seems to work better that way. On my blog, I said I made the frame for it so the menu is an idea of what I am trying to do. They don't work yet because the information is on my computer. Also, I keep having problems placing things like a banner from Amazon per se on my website. Tried both text format and non text but the links don't work. Im not familar with CSS or whatever and html is simple enough that I just kind of learn as I go but combining them...Not so good. Dont know how to place a banner or widget to the left and another to the right or at least what I do doesn't work.
That was quite a read Danielle! You seem to have seen a lot of life on the dark side. Welcome to WA. I am sure that you will find a home here. If you are having trouble with the course just ask for help with anything you don't understand. Best of luck to you. Peter
Yes a little but it has given me the ability to appreciate the things I have in life and the street smarts comes in handy now. I am one of the lucky ones who have been all the way to the bottom of the dark side and was able to get back. Persistance and wanting more is the answer. Thanks for your comment
I got the site to come up but for me I can only get the home page to come up when I directly go there (using the link that you posted but it needed correcting-see below), I can't get it back after I've gone to another place on the site. The posts don't seem to be showing either. It's probably just one or two settings.
This is what the link is now:
https://daniellesnobsbizops.wordpress,com.../
It should be:
https://daniellesnobsbizops.wordpress.com
Gotcha! Okay don't have a problem with that. I was debating on what to continue writing on the home page. Keep it about the problems and provide facts. I have great books that my grandma (funny) gave me that were hers and their interesting. That is where my problem lies. Where to add what. I will just start writing and then worry about organization later. Thanks for advice,,,:-)
Wow girl, that's a helluva story! Your words project intense strength and emotion. What you've been through is well beyond your years. Somehow organize your experiences on a site I'm sure you'd hit a nerve with a lot of people.
Okay. I wont. Im more attracted to people by the realness of their persona. It is a topic that I want to keep professional and not volgure. But some people are prude no matter what. Break it up...How?
I just meant into more paragraphs. For your site, each subject or thought could be different posts/pages.
Hi Danielle, seems you have been through a lot for someone still so young. Given, as you stated, that you are are talker and self opinionated, all you need to do now is put all your thoughts into writing (as you have above) and then base your website around your own experiences and passions. Worry about the content first and the set up of the site last, you can always change your design later. WA has some great training including wordpress so go through all that and if you still need help let me know as I am sure if I can't assist many of the other WA members will be able too. Keep on smiling.
Yeah I didn't mean to write that much but I just go on and on...Need to work on that. I will focus on the content first. I am a person that wants things done so it gets frustrating when its not. I need to organize my thoughts as well for a site. I have to NOT type like I speak. Thanks
No way, don't change it. It needs some segmenting, break it up a bit. but don't change how you write. It's the natural part that works.
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I did not go back and proof read this blog. I wrote this to give a small understanding as to who I am. I have 7 journals all filled with my life and yes I could write a book. I could spend months from beginning to end with things that although might be shocking are a part of my life and what I have experienced. I have been down some dark roads but the point is that I made it out with a different outlook on life. Not saying that I am perfect and still have things that happen. See the choices you make in life can affect the things that happen years down the road. So maybe make comments as to how I went through what I went through. The fact is that is that sometimes it is not a choice and you are forced to face things you never thought you could. Like the three days I spent (along time ago) on a park bench in the same clothes. All I had was a knife a blanket and a few other things. Looking back, when I put myself in that moment I can remember a feeling come over my body. I was in a bad place with no help. I felt hopeless; however, I am who I am because I chose to use those experiences to make me a better person. I love everyone in my life and care for people in general. That is why I have been in the medical field for 14 years. That is also the reason why my writing sounds like I am talking. See in the medical field you don't write full sentences, its all short hand and statements. I got a GED and three degrees, including a Bachelor Degree. You know how many times I have taken English Writing? Twice. And it was on poems and bullshit. The program I am in now is all writing but it is professional writing and very different. I have a 3.74 overall GPA. This blog was not for my website at all and was for myself and the people of WA. I have no problem asking for someone to proofread my things and having people take a look now, when I am not close to finished was a big step because I am a perfectionist. I also wanted to make a video blog to add to site because my picture is the way I appear but I am very energetic and funny. My views are because of what I have experienced. So many people go through life thinking they are perfect but the truth is not one of is perfect. I learned how I portrayed myself to others when I set up a bunch a cameras during a 7 day family reunion at a cabin we stayed at that had one bathroom and ten of us. I realized a lot by watching myself and realized how I thought I was was not the personality being let out. That was 5 years ago and ever since then I am constantly trying to change because change is what life is about. Life is not an organized storybook but many paths being taken at once. They might come back to where you started but they don't travel that way. My story tried to stay on a path and would end it by saying that is another story. In order to understand how I could do something that for me was the scariest thing I have had to consciously do, you needed to see what led me to that moment. My mom is cold, mean, angry, and has life twisted but the fact is that if she died tomorrow I would feel horrible. Horrible that I was not the bigger person when I know I should be and tell her how stupid we are being but I don't why because I am a person and like so many find it hard to be humble at times when it is most needed. My blog was meant for WA and if it becomes part of my site well so be it. It is real. I am real, honest and have no problem talking about things that others are uncomfortable talking about. In life, we start out learning from others and during life the smartest people are able to put aside the fact that they are all "grown up" and still be able to learn from others. Whether it is, what not to do or another way to do something. There is truth to the saying "If you don't use it, you will lose it" and that has to do with the brain and its ability to continue absorbing information. It is proven that people who continue education and learning new trades actually show more brain activity and growth than the people that do not. You see men also think differently than women too, so remember that for me I am appreciative to open comments but not at anything that has to do with change until I am done. For me like many women, when I shop I want to be able to go and get as much of then things I need at one place and is why WAL- Mart has taken over. When I look for information, I like to find as much information relating to the things I am looking for at once. Being a nutritionist minor and specializing in women's health in the medical field, Sex, emotions, health, nutrition, diet, energy, and the ability to feel the best are all related and proven so I want my website to connect all of these things. I also am providing information about the Secret Shopping Industry which is an easy and needed job. Everything is a tax write off-hair cuts, gas, gas, food, clothing, pedicures, manicures, etc. I mean almost anything you can think of. You are your own boss and make your own hours. I have outsourced by putting up flyers at school and have 4 employees that I pay to do shops, which allows me to schedule a bunch of shops and have people do them. I pay them and I end up making a lot more money. This job is needed and I have a "9" rating with over 75 of the online companies that set up the jobs. I have to write a detailed letter about the job and then I have a professional editor that edits my paper. I am constantly being asked to find people, so this job is a great job for anyone who can act and pretend. All your food is payed for, gas is reimbursed for long drives, and more. This is a real business and many women want to know how to start. My other will focus on businesses and some other things. I look at everyone's website on WA to get an idea of what people are talking about. This topic can get as hot and steamy or as tame as I want. I have not decided the route to take yet. I just wanted to let everyone know that that blog was for you all and no one else. Just a little bit of me. We are just faces and I wanted to be more than just a face.