Back to Normal Not so Normal Anymore
I don't know about you, but I loved the time I spent at home during the lockdown and now that I am back at work I just cannot adapt. I've been back at school (I'm a teacher) since August now, and now it's November and I still haven't adapted. I have always been very flexible and adapted easily but this time I just can't (or won't). I feel like I lost some freedom ever since we went back to the old new normal.
During the lockdown (and I know that many can relate here) I had time for WAME (WA and me). Instead of needing a full year or even a year and a half to write a book I now did that in 7 or 8 months! I got so much done for me, it was amazing! So much time to enjoy my land, and I played a lot with my dogs, I felt like a kid again ;-)
I had a taste of the laptop lifestyle and I just loved it! When the news came that we had to go back to school, my first thought was "oh no ..."
Before the lockdown I got a lot done, but now I realize that I was stretching myself thin all the time, rushing everywhere to give extra classes to make more money, coming home late, and doing the job of a teacher - which is challenging in itself.
Now, after the lockdown, I can't get anything done. I have been mostly absent from the WA platform, because school demanded so much of me - not the students, but issues with administration, unpleasant colleagues I had completely forgotten about during the lockdown, ever-growing demands, and a lack of concern. I hardly wrote blog posts, I tried to keep the website active by getting and giving website comments but I couldn't even get that done after a while. Thoughts of giving up popped up once in a while, but no worries, I'm not the giving-up-type, but that doesn't always stop those thoughts. However, they are just thoughts.
Then I also realized - since one of my groups turns out to be challenging - that after a year and a half of peace and quiet I no longer have the energy or willpower to deal with daily teenage rebellions, talking back, being the class clown or show off, challenging the teacher in front of everyone to be the "cool guy", and doing stuff they would never do at home. My job has always been psychologically draining but now after such a long break I realize how draining it really is. It's like I'm getting an outside perspective of it. And I keep on wondering how I could do it for so long. The answer is that I have always loved teaching and my students, but I have come to the end of the road. I can't give anymore, it takes so much out of me. I can't come home feeling all stressed like that anymore. I - we all - deserve better than that.
Thinking about it, it is ridiculous that athletes get paid millions of dollars to play some games, but teachers who are partly responsible for tomorrow's adults and have an important job get paid peanuts and well, that's all I'm going to say ;-) There's a lot more to this rant but I won't burden you with that. :-)
So, I made a decision. I am going to quit. My deadline is December 2021, final deadline mid January 2022, so if December is not achieved yet, I definitely have to be gone by January, because the thought of doing this until July feels dreadful ...
I started teaching German online and I am looking to also teach English online which is harder because I am not a native English speaker and most platforms want native speakers, but I'll find somethng. I also signed up for Upwork, offered my services, one of them as a content writer, but so far Upwork is a little bit like Google, it takes time before they start noticing you, but I am just getting started. I have to keep on looking. I am confident that I can do this. I want to achieve my financial independence by December. Not through my websites, because that has been taking a lot longer than I thought ... but through my online classes and online work.
I wrote this down here, not to rant, but because I think that especially in this WAcky and WArm community, many can relate, right? ;-)
Have a great weekend, everyone!