I’m a MESS (Beyond Help) - Time For a Change
If I had to self-diagnose I think it’s fairly obvious (to me) that I have two disorders/conditions (mental and neurodevelopmental in nature).
I don’t wish to name them, as I’m not looking to offend, or demean these conditions in any way (plus they may even become obvious as you continue to read this blog post).
It’s just that when I was younger they simply weren’t a “thing”.
In fact, as a child and generally growing up things were very different “back in my day” (I sound like an old fuddy-duddy here).
I could often be viewed as a disruptive child, who lacked focus, who was easily distracted, and repetitive in nature (and yet I somehow made it through my formative schooling years, college, and university).
As a prime example, a childhood experience of mine, which put “me on the map” and catapulted me to fame (no fortune though) shows how different things were back then.
I recall sitting, cross-legged on the floor in morning assembly on day, while belting out that old classic, “All Things Bright and Beautiful”.
I couldn’t have been more than 6 years of age.
Suddenly, as one of the teachers, Mrs. Jones, walked past me, I grabbed hold of her leg and tried to look up her skirt.
No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t shake me off.
Another teacher got involved and tried to pull me away, but I just wouldn’t let go.
5 minutes later, I found myself in the headmaster’s office (no longer attached to Mrs. Jones’s leg).
Mr. Salter, a fearsome (and rather odd-looking) man unbuckled his belt, bent me over, and whipped me across my poor little behind at least 6 times.
Crying, limping, and having DEFINITELY learned my lesson I made my way to my first class of the day.
This just wouldn’t happen in today’s society, and unfortunately my 2 “conditions” were never truly recognised throughout my childhood.
You’ll be pleased to hear that in the aftermath of this incident I didn’t turn out to be a sexual deviant.
In fact, the reason for me potentially giving Mrs. Jones’ good reason to end her teaching career there and then was simply because my best friend, Simon Terry, who was sitting beside me on the floor at the time, told me to do it.
Unfortunately, being easily led and getting myself into trouble is something that has stayed with me throughout adulthood.
Anyway, I digress.
My Initial Working Years
My career in the Banking Industry was a strange one, but simply because my superiors really weren’t sure what to do with me.
I was often lauded as one of the “best salespeople they had on their books”, but was also told that I was “a natural leader of people”.
I remember a colleague asking me how I managed to produce so many sales, how I managed to create and motivate such a high-performing team, and what I did to prepare both myself and my team.
I simply shrugged and replied, “To be quite honest I’m just winging it”.
And Now
Throughout my life I have tried to add structure, do things “the way they should be done”, make plans, have goals…
BUT
In the long-run, this always had little to no effect.
Nevertheless, I wanted to change things.
I guess you could say that I started a journey back in January 2018.
I wanted to get to know myself better, I wanted to learn about the workings of my mind, I wanted to know if I could finally add some structure to my life, rather than flying by the seat of my pants, and “WINGING IT”.
I have devoured in excess of 100 self-help books in this time.
Subjects ranging from, How to Stop Procrastinating, How to Be a Better Person, Sleeping Better, Decluttering, Meditation, Affirmations, Habit Forming, Motivation, etc.
Basically, you name it, I’ve read it.
I know there are a number of things that I have learned from all this reading.
Things that I believe are slowly, but surely, making me a better version of myself.
I have added certain processes to my day.
I now have a specific morning routine where I focus on my own personal development.
However, a problem I seem to have is that I obsess over things.
I have a particular order in which I like to do things, and if for any reason I miss something, or I do these things in a different order, then my day will probably turn out to be a failure (in my mind).
One overriding thought I have had over the past 2-and-a-bit years is that "I'm faking it" and this may be the reason why I have started to obsess over the most inconsequential of things.
All this structure, having goals, timing your day to the exact second or minute, is it actually doing me any good?
Am I really being myself, the person I want to be?
I'm doing things the way they should be done, but am I really being honest and genuine with myself?
Is it possible to change (and enjoy change) for the "better" and for it to make a difference to your life?
Even during my time here at Wealthy Affiliate my most productive days/weeks/and even months have been when I’ve woken up with no real plan for the day, and just decided to “wing it”.
Don’t Listen To Me
Now, I wouldn’t recommend this type of scatter gun approach for anyone else.
In fact, having clear goal (using the SMART technique - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) and structure is definitely the way forward for most people.
It’s just something I try to attain, follow through on for a few days or weeks, and then simply go back to winging it.
I honestly wish I was different and I could work in a more structured way, but I can’t.
As from yesterday, I decided to change my morning routine (and not let it affect my mentality towards success or failure).
I decided to do whatever I wished to do.
I changed where I sit for work.
I put absolutely no pressure on myself.
In a day-and-a-half, I’ve managed to produce 5,000+ words of content, chat with a few people here via PM at WA, exercise when (and if) I wanted to without putting a specific time/time limit on it, spent some time working on Facebook and Twitter marketing, eaten what I want and when I want, had time for my family, not read any self-help, and generally been very happy (oh yes, and written this).
Basically, it appears I’m at my happiest when I’m an UNORGANISED MESS.
I have no idea what I’m going to do next, perhaps a cup of tea and some hob-nobs (they’re biscuits/cookies for anyone who’s worried by a hob-nob).
I may choose to finish the article that I started this morning, I may not, I may even decide to watch Back to the Future for the 7,947,283 time.
Who knows.
I really wish I was like YOU.
Like other people, I wish I could structure my day, follow through on plans, but for me it all seems like a bit of a struggle and as though I’m not being genuine with myself.
I guess deep down inside I’ll always be a six-year-old boy who looks up teacher’s skirts.
Any thoughts, musings or advice, as always, is really appreciated.
Thank You for Reading
Partha
p.s. NO Teachers were harmed in the making of the Blog Post
p.p.s. Mrs. Jones, if you’re still alive, I am truly sorry. BUT I cannot tell a lie - it wasn’t me, it was Simon Terry.
Recent Comments
59
Great explanation Partha,
Other than the part about the teachers skirt you pretty much summed me up perfectly too.
And here I was fretting over getting myself together and having a plan for everything when in actual fact, like you, I've never had one!
I'm still going to persevere with my new found routine for a bit though. You never know, I might find the elusive 'key'.
If I do, I'll share it with you mate, just don't wait, it may take a while :)
Cheers,
Rab
Just read Parthas Blog, so we not alone.
I decided like yourself to get some Order, so from it was Look at my Private Emails, then Emails from WA Members, and reply where necessary, that goes fine ,then the wheels seem to fall off, anyway, I don't feel so bad now.
So tomorrow is another Day, lets see how it goes.
Thanks Partha
Thanks Rab.
Cheers
Murray.
Not only was this was a most interesting post to read, but the responses and feedback you received were quite amazing too.
As I read the post, I kept finding myself identifying with the sentence or paragraph you had just written although, I should point out, I didn't identify with the part about grabbing Mrs. Jones's leg, but I could think of friends of mine who might have had somewhat similar experiences of getting into trouble because of someone else...
Your history with self-help, self-improvement and motivational books and articles I definitely relate to, and I think Andy (YumaBloggers) hit the nail on the head with his comment that they are either "geared towards people still in the workforce improving their values" or they are already successful and looking to improve; implying that conformance is the only (recognized) way to be successful - but that is like insisting that left-handed people must become right-handed, which several of the comments referenced one way or another, and completely dismissed as a requirement. I've enjoyed many of the 'help' category books I've read but haven't yet succeeded with any life changing results.
Me, career-wise I've had a reasonably successful past, but for the past 15+ years (probably 20+ in reality) have struggled against the age discrimination barrier and have been struggling to become entrepreneurial purely because I seem to be the only one who will hire me... so, I guess, that is why I have found myself 'winging it' - but following the training - here at WA.
- Ron
Well Partha ... I reckon that so long you know what you want to achieve then it's just a matter of doing what works for you until you get there. I guess that means consistently figuring out the next step and taking it. I'd bet that no one will ever call you boring!
Richard
I tend to avoid the word ’don’t’ (a long term habit)... so I’d say: ’only fix it where it’s broke’.
Cheers
Richard
Excellent read and with an added dose of humour. Education is not geared to anyone different which is a real tragedy.
I was very different at school and my experience included being tied to a rope while chucked in the deep end of the pool and being told I was going to have my hand chopped off because I was left handed.
Now before you say children are cruel this was the teachers :)
This story is inspired because diversity is at its heart inspiring. We are all different and the world needs that.
Thanks for being authentic. Phil
Oh my God I was left handed in fact still am I have a huge bump on my left index finger from being battered with a blackboard duster.
That's a Catholic education for you left handed comes from the Latin senstre which means sinister
I am still left handed as well and people laugh at me when I say we live in a right handed world but its true. Just go through a London Underground ticket barrier as a left hander and you will know what I mean :)
That sounds horrific Phil.
I don't know, you "lefties" always causing trouble, LOL.
The couple of examples that you and Catherine have come up with - well I'd never considered that before.
I must say that I always had a thing about left-handed and left-footed sportspeople in my younger days.
I actually wanted to be left-handed after watching many of my heroes.
People like Jimmy White, David Gower, John McEnroe, Martina Navratilova, John Barnes, etc.
To me they just oozed style and class and made their chosen craft look more beautiful just by being a left-sided player.
Partha
Well that's an interesting perspective you don't often hear Simon. My teacher was forced to stop making me right handed when I developed a very severe stutter because I couldn't be right handed. Fortunately the world is more enlightened now
I'm left handed in writing and ambidextrous in almost everything else, Catherine! My saying was God created everyone right handed, only the gifted ones overcame it. Interestingly, most of the locksmiths I know are also left handed!
Jeff
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Hi Partha. Thank you for sharing.
I think you write very well, and I enjoyed reading your post.
We are all unique. So, your perception that you are not like other people should not worry you in the least. In fact, it's something to be embraced. You do what works for you and remain true to yourself.
Wish you well going forward