I got too much on my mind

I've had a lot on my mind lately which has left me dazed and confused, so bear with me. I'll try to express myself as best as I can and maybe someone can help me out or at least relate to what I'm going through.

Money has always been a really sensitive topic in my household. So because of that, I've grown up with a lot of limiting beliefs about money and it just messes with my head.

This MLM company I joined a few months back has been great, but I've really held myself back because well it involves recruiting people and I'm not exactly good at that. Some of my friends that got me into the company ended up leaving because of lack of money and just going through tough times. So now I'm in this company and I don't really know anyone there anymore. The people there are pretty cool, though. Very positive, very encouraging, but I felt terrible that I just couldn't get anyone to join. And to top it all off, this girl that I grew to start liking a lot that I met through the company is dating this one guy that's also a part of the group, and I hate seeing them flirting with each other before and after the meetings. Not fun.

I ended up leaving the company unofficially (well I'm still in it, just haven't gone to the meetings and such), and I started going to a bible study group in hopes of growing in my faith. All that did was scare the bejeezus out of me because everyone was talking about the rapture and the apocolypse (not gonna try to spell that) and how the stuff in Syria is a precursor to the rapture. They also said that money is the root of all evil and that you can't worship both God and money, it's either one or the other. So I left them too.

I've always had faith in God, but damn it shouldn't be depressing like that. I feel like I shouldn't want to succeed because money is bad, which is exactly what my parents taught me. Sucks.

Now I'm sitting here, discouraged, quite a bit depressed, and with hardly any motivation to write. My writing relies a lot on passion and creativity, and I'm just not feeling it lately. Everyone seems to want to drag me in a different direction, and I don't know what to do. So now I've just stayed away from the majority of folks and just go to school and work. Even watching sports doesn't give me the same joy it used it.