Get Adult Children to Move out

Help Me! I'm in a terrible situation. That’s what I was thinking a few years back when I had three grown children who refused to leave my home and take their little ones with them! I was at my wits end trying desperately to figure out how to get adult children to move out of my house.

The ‘kids’ were all adults in their late 20's, early 30’s and mid 40’s! I taught them the necessary skills they needed to survive on their own. However, they just do not want to leave the nest. What was a mom to do?

Well, I'll tell you what I did. I began to plot against my kids. I had to if I ever wanted to get my grove back like Thelma did! They were driving me nuts. I started sneaking out of my house to go to one of those empty nest support groups.

What I Learned About Adult Children

I hooked up with those guys and found out that they are all just like me. Fed up and frustrated with their grown adult children mooching off of them.

The advice they gave me has been invaluable. First, they told me not to lose my mind! It is expected for at least half of all young adults to boomerang back home before they can support themselves. Millennials and the iGeneration (Generation Z) are notorious for this type of behavior.

Honestly, the economy and high rent prices are forcing many young adults back home. They are not financially established. I learned a new term called “extended adolescence”.

This basically means that our adult children are in something called a state of “almost adulthood”, which means that they have reached the chronological age of adulthood, but they are not yet self-sufficient. I thought, ‘Wow, that’s exactly it!

Reasons for the Boomerang Effect

I found that there are several reasons that cause our kids to boomerang back home.

• Economy
• A lot of debt like college loans
• A divorce or an illness
• Caring for ill or aged parents

These are reasons that are understandable but, there are some other reasons that are solely on the adult children.

• Life is more comfortable at home
• Their rent is much lower or they don’t have to pay rent at all
• Living on their own doesn’t allow them to afford the kind of lifestyle parents have previously afforded them.

So, as you can see sometimes adult kids come back just so life will be easier for them! In my case, I believe that two of my kids just couldn’t afford to live on their own because of their income. But, there was one who was just on the lazy side.

My friends at the group I attended, told me to set a time date for them to move out. They told me to establish a time frame and to stick to it. This time frame can be a few months or a couple of years. It is up to me and it should be based off of their individual situations.

Next, they told me to collect rent from my children. (Whoopee!) This simply means that the kids will have to work and pay me at least 25% of their earnings. This is necessary for covering their bills and rent while at home. I also have the option of saving this money for them.

However, they told me not to tell them if I am going to do this. Otherwise, they could use it against me and try to stay longer. I decided to split it; some I saved for them and some I put to the household expenses

I learned to not say things without follow through. If my grown kids stay in the home, they had to clean up after themselves. This is something that they must do. This is something I already taught them. I am not their maid. My days of wiping their rears, cleaning their faces and washing their dirty laundry were over a long time ago.

Two of my grown children have children of their own who also stay with us. I love my grand kids dearly but I'm not a babysitting service either. Sure they can hang out with grandma while their parents (my children) go to work. But once work is over, my children better come home and take care of their responsibility. After all, Mama got to have a life too.

Conclusion

I know it's hard financially in today’s world. But the key to pulling this off is hard work and discipline. I taught these lessons to my children. Thankfully, I was able to remind my children about these lessons and they realized that they can no longer play at being an adult, but have to actually be one.

In the end, my kids are in their own respective homes and I no longer to go the empty nest support groups. My home is an empty nest and finally quiet. But, I’m not lonely because my kids visit me often. But, they never bring a suitcase!

Thanks for reading my article. I would love to hear from you about whether you have the experience of wanting to get adult children to move out.

Cheers,

Verna