Get Adult Children to Move out

8
2K followers

Help Me! I'm in a terrible situation. That’s what I was thinking a few years back when I had three grown children who refused to leave my home and take their little ones with them! I was at my wits end trying desperately to figure out how to get adult children to move out of my house.

The ‘kids’ were all adults in their late 20's, early 30’s and mid 40’s! I taught them the necessary skills they needed to survive on their own. However, they just do not want to leave the nest. What was a mom to do?

Well, I'll tell you what I did. I began to plot against my kids. I had to if I ever wanted to get my grove back like Thelma did! They were driving me nuts. I started sneaking out of my house to go to one of those empty nest support groups.

What I Learned About Adult Children

I hooked up with those guys and found out that they are all just like me. Fed up and frustrated with their grown adult children mooching off of them.

The advice they gave me has been invaluable. First, they told me not to lose my mind! It is expected for at least half of all young adults to boomerang back home before they can support themselves. Millennials and the iGeneration (Generation Z) are notorious for this type of behavior.

Honestly, the economy and high rent prices are forcing many young adults back home. They are not financially established. I learned a new term called “extended adolescence”.

This basically means that our adult children are in something called a state of “almost adulthood”, which means that they have reached the chronological age of adulthood, but they are not yet self-sufficient. I thought, ‘Wow, that’s exactly it!

Reasons for the Boomerang Effect

I found that there are several reasons that cause our kids to boomerang back home.

  • Economy
  • A lot of debt like college loans
  • A divorce or an illness
  • Caring for ill or aged parents

These are reasons that are understandable but, there are some other reasons that are solely on the adult children.

  • Life is more comfortable at home
  • Their rent is much lower or they don’t have to pay rent at all
  • Living on their own doesn’t allow them to afford the kind of lifestyle parents have previously afforded them.

So, as you can see sometimes adult kids come back just so life will be easier for them! In my case, I believe that two of my kids just couldn’t afford to live on their own because of their income. But, there was one who was just on the lazy side.


My friends at the group I attended, told me to set a time date for them to move out. They told me to establish a time frame and to stick to it. This time frame can be a few months or a couple of years. It is up to me and it should be based off of their individual situations.

Next, they told me to collect rent from my children. (Whoopee!) This simply means that the kids will have to work and pay me at least 25% of their earnings. This is necessary for covering their bills and rent while at home. I also have the option of saving this money for them.

However, they told me not to tell them if I am going to do this. Otherwise, they could use it against me and try to stay longer. I decided to split it; some I saved for them and some I put to the household expenses

I learned to not say things without follow through. If my grown kids stay in the home, they had to clean up after themselves. This is something that they must do. This is something I already taught them. I am not their maid. My days of wiping their rears, cleaning their faces and washing their dirty laundry were over a long time ago.

Two of my grown children have children of their own who also stay with us. I love my grand kids dearly but I'm not a babysitting service either. Sure they can hang out with grandma while their parents (my children) go to work. But once work is over, my children better come home and take care of their responsibility. After all, Mama got to have a life too.

Conclusion

I know it's hard financially in today’s world. But the key to pulling this off is hard work and discipline. I taught these lessons to my children. Thankfully, I was able to remind my children about these lessons and they realized that they can no longer play at being an adult, but have to actually be one.

In the end, my kids are in their own respective homes and I no longer to go the empty nest support groups. My home is an empty nest and finally quiet. But, I’m not lonely because my kids visit me often. But, they never bring a suitcase!

I’m slowly getting my grove back and I am enjoying life!

Thanks for reading my article. I would love to hear from you about whether you have the experience of wanting to get adult children to move out.

Cheers,

Verna




Login
Create Your Free Wealthy Affiliate Account Today!
icon
4-Steps to Success Class
icon
One Profit Ready Website
icon
Market Research & Analysis Tools
icon
Millionaire Mentorship
icon
Core “Business Start Up” Training

Recent Comments

6

I have two children, a 24 yr old son who moved out at 21 and my 14 yr old daughter.

After graduation, my son went into the military, came back home got a job and moved out with his fiance at the time. He's now a daddy and bringing in another one this coming September. Boy time sure flies.

My son has always been independent. At 10 months old he was walking and demanded to throw his own diapers in the trash once we were done cleaning his butt. I would constantly teach him to be responsible for himself and not to rely on anyone doing anything for him.

My 14 yr daughter told me that, get this, wants me to live with her and all I have to do is play video games and cook for her. LoL! I relish these conversations with her and just say, ok darling, sounds good.

My daughter is also very independent. She's a perfectionist and wants to surpass everything here brother's accomplished and done and then some. I know that once that time comes for her to get her own place, which isn't too far from now, I'll have many memories of her talking about how she wanted to take care of her dad.

On another note. I finally got my 48 yr old brother out of my house after two years of living with me and just doing a few things here and there and helping out where we needed it. The majority of his time was just getting on the computer and playing World of Warcraft or watching YouTube videos. He even had his storage "junk" in my home and I had given him an ultimatum to either sell his stuff, give it away or throw it out.

Long story short, the opportunity came up to finally kick him out of the house when I asked him that I would help him sell his stuff on Craigslist and he went off on me, yelling and shouting and telling me that he was not going to sell or get rid of his stuff. He also said I didn't appreciate the things he did in my house.

That's when I had finally had enough and kicked him out that day and, well, he ended up at my other brother's house. I had a long talk with my responsible brother and told him not to cave into our younger brother's sob stories or excuses.

I love my brother. I have done so much I can't begin to say or this would be one long crazy comment. My brother is now working and has cleaned his appearance a bit and visited me a couple of days ago. We hugged and talked and he was a different person. I don't hate my brother, but sometimes you have to show them that tough love and have them do for themselves.

So I feel and know where you're coming from Verna. Those are your blood, your babies, your family. When it comes to family, even if they're as stubborn as my brother, I do all I can to help, then I give them the benefit of the doubt and hope they do for themselves.

Thanks for sharing your post Verna

Be safe, and God bless

Rick



Thanks, Rick.

I feel a little comfort knowing that I am not the only person who is experiencing this! However, I agree with you whole-heartedly. As much as I hate doing it, I am always giving my youngest tough love, but he just doesn't get it.

I am finding that I have to take little steps at a time with him. First I told him if he didn't get a job within one month he had to leave my house. He has now gotten a job. I have just told him that he had to start paying me room and board. He bulked at that too! I gave him another month to start that, but told him if he didn't do it, he would have to leave my house. He has until the end of August.

He just turned 30 and it's time for him to make his own way. He can't keep falling back on me for everything because I won't be here forever!

Tough love is the way to go. I figure if he has to start paying me he will think it would be better to get his own place after all!

Thanks for taking some time to check out my blog. I appreciate it.

Verna

We never had this problem. Starting the age of 16, when both of our children started working, they had to deliver a small amount to their mother. With the years it got more and more. Nowadays they moved out.
Thanks for sharing this post with us Verna!

Eric how lucky you have been! Two of my three also started working at age 16, but I required them to pay their own car insurance and personal items. After that they had very little left to hold them over until next pay. Those 2 were able to move out, but the youngest one is a little more difficult, but I expect him to boomerang again because he never seems to stay gone for very long!

Thanks for responding!

One way to introduce them to paying rent is to increase it on a regular basis, say 3 times a year. This little nudge may get them at least thinking about moving out.

For example: Rent for January through April is 20% of their income. For May through August, it increases to 25%. For September through December, it's 30%. The next year, the cycle repeats.

Thanks Bob. That's a pretty good idea because most rental apartment increase every year!

Thanks for the comments.

See more comments

Login
Create Your Free Wealthy Affiliate Account Today!
icon
4-Steps to Success Class
icon
One Profit Ready Website
icon
Market Research & Analysis Tools
icon
Millionaire Mentorship
icon
Core “Business Start Up” Training