Having said we need to keep things punchy, occasionally this can be done too strictly, providing no interest to the reader and injecting no personality. From the same rewritten website the original comes fIrst, followed by my rewrite:

"Welcome to XXXX XXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXX centre

XXXXX – helping your health

• compact health food shop bursting with good things
• qualified Medical Herbalist and Nutritionist
• herbal apothecary - teas, tinctures, creams and dried herbs
• organic, vegetarian and vegan food
• helpful, knowledgeable staff
• full delivery service
• organic veg box scheme"

Yup, that was the whole, attention-grabbing front page. The rewrite went like this:

"Welcome to XXXXX XXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXX Centre

Recent news in the food industry has forced many people to rethink their healthy eating strategies and lifestyle choices. If you’re new to health food, ethical sourcing and natural remedies then you’re going to need expert advice and help.

Here at XXXXX we care about your health. XXXXX is owned and run by Ken XXXX MNIMH who, along with his staff, is dedicated to Medical Herbalism and Nutrition, and to ensuring that you can live a balanced and healthy life.

Please browse this website before visiting our shop to discover more about our outstanding range of products and services. We provide:

• Herbal Apothecary goods – teas, tinctures, creams and dried herbs
• Organic, vegan and vegetarian health foods
• Dairy and lactose-free
• Full delivery service
• Organic vegetable box scheme.
• On-site Nutritional and Herbal Health sessions
• Counselling and psychotherapy

When you visit us you will be met and helped by a member of our knowledgeable staff team who will guide you through your choices if help is needed.

Please click here to ask us a question, give us a call, or to find out where we are. We’d love to see you or hear from you."

I've tried to make the home page more welcoming, and given some sort of purpose to the whole site in the opening paragraph, opening the site to new users as well as old stalwarts. hopefully you can see why the rule about short, punchy text occasionally needs to be broken.