The Power of Positive Thinking

What is positive Thinking?

Technically I shouldn't have to define "positive thinking", because everyone should know what it is. However, I think some people are so mired in negativity they can't comprehend a positive mindset. If you are surrounded by those people you literally can't see the wood for the trees.

Definition of Mindset

Mindset refers to a collection of beliefs, attitudes, and thought processes that shape how we as individuals perceive and respond to our external world. It's a mental framework, or more accurately a lens through which people view themselves, others, and circumstances. This lens in turn, influences their reactions and behaviors. Mindset is not static; it evolves based on experiences, education, and conscious effort.

Mindset is not just a psychological concept; it has practical implications. It influences how people approach learning, their resilience in the face of challenges, and their overall quality of life. Understanding and cultivating a positive, growth-oriented mindset can lead to personal and professional development, better relationships, and a more fulfilling life.

How to Permanently Change A Mindset

I wish I could give you a magic wand, and you could bring about this change in the flash of a wand. Sadly I am not Harry Potter. I have been actively working on changing my mindset for the last fifteen years. I have to say I wish I had done the work a lot earlier in life but better late than ever.

The death of my beloved baby brother put me in such a dark place, I could not see any light in the world. Because I was in a dark, murky place, I attracted people with the same mindset. Most of you will know what happened next, of course, my world got darker and darker.

Looking back, I don't know why I didn't end it all. There was literally nothing to live for. Fortunately, I haven't got the temperament to throw in the towel and I always knew that no matter how difficult I made my life, I wasn't going to end it.

What brought me out of this Funk?

To be fair, I was in this place for at least three years. I cried every day at the slightest thing. Looking back now, knowing what I know now, I realize I didn't want to see any good in the world. What could be good about a world that didn't have my brother in it.

My Salvation

I went to an event run by Alex Howard in London. For some incredible reason, I got on a plane from Spain where I lived, and came to London for three days. I would imagine at the time I simply wasn't leaving the house. I cant tell you what that seminar was about. Nothing went in. The only thing I remember was that the auditorium was freezing. For some reason, that was normal at the time, but it got people moving. It didn't get me moving, my world just contracted further because I was miserably cold.

I don't even know how I got to win something. I certainly didn't put myself forward for a prize, I doubt I was even aware of what was happening around me. As it turned out the prize was for three people to attend a week long course in public speaking run by Alex Howard. I think he charged £5,000 for this event. I forgot all about this to be fair, the original event was in February and the prize was in November.

During October I got an email asking if I wanted to book my accommodation at the same hotel as the public speaking event was being held. To this day I don't know why, I read the email or even responded to it. I had forgotten about the prize.

I went to that event and it changed my life, because it suddenly occurred to me that the only way I could climb out of that hole I had dug for myself was to stop digging, and build some steps out.

That Was Easier Said than Done

All I knew was that my life had been smooth and easy to the point of my brother's death. Nothing had really touched me. Making money had always been incredibly easy, I always had more than I knew what to do with. Yes I had lost my parents, but they were in their eighties and had a long and rich life. I was so sad, but it was the natural order of things. Losing my brother when he was 49 was not normal or expected.

I had carved out a life for myself, traveling the world. Nothing had gone wrong in my travels. I had invested in houses and Land on four continents and made a massive profit from all five deals. Looking at me from the outside, I had had a charmed life. Not that I was born into money, I wasn't I had made all my money from my own efforts. It was in the early years a lot of really hard work, but it was work for myself and I loved it.

So, How Did I Get Myself Back on an Even Keel?

The first thing I did was examine my thought processes honestly. Mindset is not just a psychological concept; it has practical implications. It influences how people approach learning, their resilience in the face of challenges, and their overall quality of life. Thought processes involve how individuals process information, solve problems, and make decisions. A positive mindset might lead to seeing challenges as opportunities, whereas a negative mindset might see them as insurmountable obstacles.

The first thing I had to consider was why everything in my life was so hard. It didn't take a genius to work out I was engulfed by negativity. This was a relatively new state for me, historically I had always been a glass half full sort of girl. It was tough to realize I was hugging grief so tightly I couldn't see any good in the world.

Looking back, clawing my way back would have been easier had I been to see a grief counselor, but that was not my style. It would have been better if I could have used the structured support that a grief counselor could have offered. However, my grief was too overwhelming to consider that.

Grief counseling provides assistance in rebuilding one's worldview, which can be shattered by a significant loss. Counselors assist in piecing together life's fragments, helping individuals regain a sense of normalcy and purpose. They are also equipped to address related mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or PTSD, which can be triggered or worsened by grief.

I would recommend to anyone else to see a counselor but I took the long and tough road to rebuild my life and purpose alone.

My First Steps Back.

I decided to go for a walk every day in a local park. I wanted to spend time in nature. It isn't easy to look at the beauty in trees and be completely miserable. I won't say it was a quick fix but for maybe ten minutes each day, I could see a glimmer of light. Equally on these walks I sometimes heard the laughter of children and I always hung onto their happiness.

I realized that nature inherently encourages a state of mindfulness, urging individuals to focus on the present moment. This focus on the here and now can be a welcome distraction from the pain of loss and it helped me to process my emotions more healthily.

I also decided to practice gratitude. I wasn't stupid I knew I hadn't worked for three years and I had plenty of savings as a cushion. This was just as well because as a self employed person in Spain, you don't get any benefits.

Being grateful was tough at first, and it felt ludicrous. At first, I couldn't think of anything I could be thankful for. Somehow my charmed life had been obliterated. I decided to spend fifteen minutes a day to think of one thing I was grateful for for a month. Yes, at first it took me fifteen minutes to realize I was grateful for home made soup.

I wrote it all down in a gratitude notebook. It wasn't anything posh, it certainly wasn't a journal it was a child exercise book. Within a month I had progressed to writing three things I was grateful for every day. A practice I have used for maybe five years. Now the ability to say thank you pops in my mind naturally many times daily.

I knew that setting goals and working towards them would give me a sense of purpose but it took at least nine months to get myself to that point. My first goal I remember clearly. Have a shower every day. You would be amazed at what goes by the wayside when you are engulfed in grief.

It would be another two years before I could think of rebuilding my PLR business and blogging. My brother died in 2010 and I think it was 2016 before I started blogging again, and that didn't last long as my husband died in 2017. To be fair I didn't take this death so hard.

I knew he had done EVERYTHING he had wanted to do in life. I didn't even cry with this death. He went through cancer with aspirin and paracetamol as his pain killers. I cant begin to tell you how challenging that was to watch. When he finally slipped into a coma six weeks before his death he could take opiates but for me, that too late. I was so glad he died when he did because I couldn't watch it anymore. I know that it wasn't about me but I was glad.

I remember coming home on the bus much to the shock of the hospice staff, they wanted me to take a taxi. I came home and immediately disposed of his stuff to a charity shop. Again, everyone told me that it was too soon. It wasn't. I did it without any emotion or pain. It was maybe the first time in my life I didn't procrastinate and it felt good, just to get on with it

Controlling My Thoughts On an Ongoing Basis.

I am not in any way perfect and am a work in progress. Whenever I think of something negative and that in itself is fairly rare these days as I have practiced mindfulness for years. When something negative pops into my head I try and reframe it instantly. The first thing I do is breathe deeply for a minute, it is impossible to breathe deeply and be negative at the same time.

Controlling your thoughts can be challenging, but with practice, it is possible to gain more mastery over your mental space. One of the most effective techniques for me is to develop a regular mindfulness meditation practice. Set aside time each day to sit quietly, focus on your breathing, and bring your attention fully to the present moment. When you notice your mind starting to wander into worries or repetitive thinking, gently guide it back to your anchor like your breath. When you are focused purely on the now there are usually no worries. The worries are about the past and future.

Another important habit is to catch yourself when you are having negative, pessimistic thoughts and consciously reframe them. For example, if you find yourself thinking "I'm such a failure" or "Things will never get better," pause and challenge the thought. Ask yourself if it's really true or rational. Try to come up with a more balanced, helpful perspective. You could think "I've succeeded at many things in my life, even if this is a setback" or "This is just a temporary hardship, not a permanent state." Changing your inner self-talk is powerful.

I am very careful about the message I tell myself, about myself. I was born in the UK and the UK can be very deprecating. I have reframed the messages I tell myself.

Be gentle with yourself when you are reframing thoughts, it takes time and practice.