Can We Really Change People Who Seem "Stuck in Their Ways?"
Setting the Scene
When you hit the water, it always returns to its original state. No matter how hard you strike the surface, it ripples momentarily before settling back into its calm form. This natural behavior feels familiar when working with specific individuals. You might have encountered people who seem resistant to change. Despite your best efforts and energy, they tend to revert to their old habits or resist transformation altogether.
So, how do you help someone grow when they seem immovable? Is it even possible?
Have you ever encountered someone like this, and what did you do?
The Water-Like Personality – Who Are These People?
Characteristics of People Resistant to Change
- They consistently revert to their original habits or beliefs despite advice or guidance.
- Even constructive feedback has little to no impact on their behavior.
- They may come across as stubborn, rigid, or deeply committed to their own perspective.
- Some view them as persistent in their beliefs, while others see them as emotionally or mentally "stuck."
Real-Life Relatable Scenarios
Consider the following examples:
- A coachee who listens to every suggestion but brushes them off with phrases like, "That won't work for me."
- A colleague who insists on doing things "the old way," ignoring new tools or methods that could improve efficiency.
- A mentee who comes to you for advice but repeatedly makes the same mistakes, seemingly unaffected by previous discussions.
These individuals feel like water—they return to their comfort zone, no matter how hard you try to shift them.
The Challenges of Coaching Stubborn Individuals
Emotional and Practical Difficulties Faced by Coaches
Helping people grow and change can be advantageous, but working with resistant individuals is a unique challenge.
- Frustration: It's easy to feel frustrated when you invest your time and energy into someone only to see no progress.
- Self-Doubt: Coaches and mentors might start questioning their methods and abilities if their efforts seem fruitless.
- Emotional Burnout: Investing too much in someone unresponsive to change can be draining.
- Mental Conflict: You might wonder, "Am I helping them or just wasting my time?"
Strategies Coaches Have Tried (With Varying Success)
Over time, coaches and mentors develop different methods to help people overcome mental blocks. Some strategies work better than others, and the results can be unpredictable.
Direct Confrontation
- This involves directly addressing the issue and challenging the person to confront their behavior or mindset.
- Example: A coachee is told that their refusal to adapt is the reason for their poor performance. While risky, direct confrontation can sometimes shock individuals into self-awareness.
Gentle Nudges
- This approach focuses on making small, gradual suggestions that don't feel overwhelming or threatening.
- Example: A coach might suggest one minor change rather than overhauling a system, hoping the individual builds momentum from that small win.
Mirroring Techniques
- Coaches mirror the person's behavior back to them, allowing the individual to see how their actions appear from an outsider's perspective.
- Example: Reflecting a mentee's own words back to them, "You mentioned that approach hasn't worked, yet you keep returning to it—what's your thinking there?"
The Hands-Off Approach
- Sometimes, the best approach is to step back and let the individual learn through experience. This can involve allowing them to make mistakes or find their own way without interference.
- Example: A mentor decides to stop advising a mentee for a while, trusting that they'll eventually reach the necessary conclusions on their own.
Community Question: How Do You Handle the Unchangeable?
Here's where the conversation turns to you. Have you ever encountered someone who seemed "stuck in their ways"? If so, what strategies did you use to try to help them?
- Did you persist, adapt, or walk away?
- What worked—and what didn't?
- Have you ever had to accept that some people might not be "coachable" after all?
This is an open discussion—there are no definitive right or wrong answers. Your experiences might help others facing similar challenges.
Finding Peace with the Unchangeable
Accepting That Not Everyone Will Change
Not every coaching journey ends with a breakthrough. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, individuals remain unchanged. This isn't a failure.
- Growth Takes Time: The seeds of coaching may not sprout immediately. Some people need time and space to process change before it takes root.
- Knowing When to Let Go: It's wise to know when to step back and accept that some people are comfortable where they are—and that's okay.
The Wisdom of the Water Metaphor
Like water that returns to its natural state, some people are simply meant to stay the same for now. This realization can help coaches find peace, knowing their efforts hold value even if they can't change everyone.
A Journey of Patience and Growth
Not every person will respond to guidance as we hope; not every effort will lead to visible results.
But every attempt to help someone is meaningful, even if it doesn't yield immediate change. Some journeys are about planting seeds that may only bloom much later.
What's been your experience? Join the conversation and share your stories, strategies, and lessons. How do you handle those who resist change?
Final Thought
"Sometimes, water stays water—and that's not a failure, just part of the flow."
Community Poll/Prompt
- Poll Question: What's one strategy you've tried that worked—or didn't—with someone resistant to change?
Your insights could help someone else navigate their own coaching challenges. Let's learn from each other's experiences!
Abie
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this blog post, please explore more of my articles on the right. I appreciate your support! 🙏----->>>>>
Recent Comments
68
Change that is a tough one to get into, Abie.
Change to me has always been about positivity and sometimes the negative. I like how you compared the stubborn ones to water as it will always back up if it does not flow properly.
Like I would try to get my friend to stop smoking as she would do it frequently like once or twice per day depending on the mood she's in and then I show her some videos of the negative effects of smoking leading to cancer. I believe for the most part that has helped her opened her eyes a bit while the others would be in straight denial. So yeah. 🙂
As always, great post Abie!
Have a great week ahead!
Myra ♥️
People usually do not change because they don't understand the bigger picture. The WHY,
When there is a reason to change, the change must be accepted and understood by you first.
As the Boss, you are the change agent. You need to have a handle on your people. You need to be able to tap into the mindset of the person. Why is this person working?
Money - This means this person doesn't have the big picture. Instill a sense of purpose, and let them buy into the plan. The change will be adopted on buy-in.
It is the "Life Routine" - Get Up, Grab Coffee, Go to Work, Come Home, Eat, Go to Sleep. Rinse and repeat. On autopilot, I always do it this way. The incentive needs to be greater than the sense of comfort.
Incentives can be both positive and negative. Get this person rocking one way or another and he will adopt the new position and lock in or be locked out.
These are a couple of ways to motivate change.
MrDon
I just finished a 3 day virtual mindset course. It was a bunch of experiments to discover your programming. So enlightening! Your belief (whatever that is) leads to actions that lead to results that validate your belief. If you really want to see why you are the way you are, I'd recommend this to anyone genuinely interested. It's all at the subconscious level.
I recently had an experience where in my job, I had tried to convey the importance of wanting to achieve more than the norm. Yes, when you disturb the water, it returns to its natural state. Sometimes you have to step outside the stillness and experience the wave. Riding the wave can be great or sometimes can be difficult, but if you don't try, you'll never know. We all have our fears. I think it was Zig Ziglar that said FEAR has 2 meanings "Forget Everything And Run" or "Face Everything And Rise". I have been guilty of the first, but when I finally faced what was in front of me, it worked out, not always for the better, but at least I faced it. Life is too short not to live it to its full potential! Abie I think you hit the nail right on the head.
If you don't try, you'll definitely never know...
I love riding waves, Mark! That’s what life’s about—living it to the fullest.
'You faced it, Mark!' Well done. Half the battle is won just like that. I love those examples from Zig! :)
Your feedback here is profound. Thank you!
Abie
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In my experience, a person never really changes until the pain of the problem becomes stronger than the pain of their resistance to change. It is challenging to make a change, and some people's element is water, as you say. When people make a conscious decision to change on a minute-to-minute basis, it can happen. For most people, that is just too much effort