We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Blog Post...

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Hi Amazing Friends,

Ever been on jury duty before?

Did you fall asleep during the case?

Do you even remember what was said?

Well, perk up because below is a collection of actual statements made during sessions.

Warning...do not drink milk while reading them...milk just may come out of your nose from laughing.

Make it a great day!

Your Humor Lovin' Amigo,

Griffin

================

Disorder in the Court: a Collection of `Transquips`

Collected by Richard Lederer, reprinted in N.H. Business Review

Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are
uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with
language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of
courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every
statement made during the proceedings.


Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand
Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in
two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court,
published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman`s two volumes, here are
some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America`s keepers of
the word:
------------------------------------------------
Q. What is your brother-in-law`s name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What`s His first name?
A. I can`t remember.
Q. He`s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can`t remember His
first name?
A. No. I tell you I`m too excited. (Rising from the witness chair
and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God`s sake, tell them your
first name!
------------------------------------------------
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
------------------------------------------------
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
-------------------------------------------------
Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Are you married?
A. No, I`m divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn`t know about.
------------------------------------------------
Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.
------------------------------------------------
Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of Her children by Dr.
Cherney, and said he was really good.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?
------------------------------------------------
Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
A. Four times.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Were you acquainted with the defendant?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?
------------------------------------------------
Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the
influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn`t pronunciate His words.
Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify
me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
------------------------------------------------
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present
information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
------------------------------------------------
Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog`s ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.
------------------------------------------------
Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were
able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on Her not to go,
gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to
the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
------------------------------------------------
Before we recess, let`s listen to one last exchange involving a child:
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What
school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.

(Source)

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Recent Comments

15

Griffin, as a medical transcriptionist, I love these things! Words and the people who say them (?) are a crackup!! Thanks for sharing!!!!

My pleasure!

Top stuff for a morning laugh, Griffin. While not strictly courtroom, one of my favourite news headlines is: "The criminals turned themselves into police..."
:) george

LOL...those pesky criminals!

Thanks for the great laughs!

My pleasure!

I just love reading these...been doing so for years!

Hi Griffin. Where do you find the time to get these incredible articles that you so kindly share with us?? I'm sure there are many of us that look forward to seeing your "Soulpreneur" show up in our inbox!

Have a good day my friend!

Thank you kindly! Glad you enjoy them in my little slice of Internet heaven here on WA. :)

That's funny. I can use a good laugh to start the morning.

#LiveLoveLaugh :)

Thanks these are really funny.
Brenda

My pleasure and stop by again soon! :)

Nice to read that at the beginning of a work day (8.38 ET)... These quotes remind me of not taking anything too seriously in my daily chores!

My pleasure and stop by again soon! :)

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