What is Emotional Intelligence?

Last Update: May 28, 2020

Emotional Intelligence.

I am of the opinion that self-esteem, self belief and/or self-awareness is everybodies weakest link. Lack of belief in our selves is what holds us back. My research stumbled on emotional intelligence. Never ever having heard of it before I was intrigued and interested what its connection with self belief and self awareness was. This is my summary.

Emotional intelligence is the skill to be aware of, control and ultimately express
emotions. The latest studies suggest that emotional intelligence is
more important than IQ for succeeding in work, life and
having a better health. By mastering it, you could be aware not only of
your own emotions but also of the emotions of the people around you.

What is an emotion?

According to Wikipedia emotion is a degree of pleasure or displeasure. There is currently no scientific consensus on a definition. Emotion is often intertwined with mood, temperament, personality.

According to the Collins English Dictionary emotion is a feeling such as happiness, love, fear, anger, or hatred, which can be caused by the situation that you are in or the people you are with.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence in general is the ability to recognize emotions inside yourself and others.

Understanding and noticing your own emotions is called self-awareness. Understanding the emotions of others is called empathy. Controlling your own emotions is called self-control. Influencing others is called social skills.

In working with your emotional intelligence, self belief and self awareness are your first step. Emotional intelligence allows you to spot your emotions as they arise. It helps you to anticipate the upcoming emotional reaction by defining and being aware of the things that drive you towards those emotions.

How do you improve your Emotional Intelligence.

Release your feelings.

People have the tendency to avoid discomforting feelings. This is not a long-term solution. You should allow the feelings to surface and provide the information they carry. Instead of shoving the emotion away, you should guide yourself to it and through it. Ignoring feelings would only allow them to appear when least expected.

Be aware of your triggers. The typical response to these stimuli is a shut down, especially in environments where emotional outbursts are considered improper, such as work. You can't keep enclosing your emotions inside you. Your body language will allow an astute observer to notice it anyway.

Knowing your triggers allows improved emotional intelligence. It allows you the ability to control the outcome. It gives you the skill to calm down, control of your actions and maintain your presence of spirit. Understanding your triggers makes situations more manageable because the emotions do not come as a surprise.

Be careful of a good mood.

Don't make a decision in a good mood. When you are feeling on top of the world it is easy to do something that you would regret. When you get excited to the point that you lose control of your mind you make irrational decisions. Give yourself time to enjoy your good mood and relax and avoid over estimating your environment. .

Be careful of a bad mood.

A bad mood can take control of you and you lose direction. You can end up hating everything and dissatisfied with yourself. You know that most of what you think is not true, but you hold those thoughts.

Emotional intelligence through self-awareness teaches that you take notice of the
situation and accept it is what it is. You should realize you can do little to change the current conditions and let it pass.

Do not label your feelings.

A feeling is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. If you try to label your feelings such as "good" or "bad" you lose the ability to regard them and be aware of them. Labeling them is counterproductive.

If you regard the emotion just as what it is, you understand it and find out what your mind is trying to tell you. It will then run its course and vanish and not take control of you.

Reassess your values.

Focus on the inside. Set aside time to have fun and to keep your mind and spirit in peace. Your daily routine causes you to focus on the outside and not the inside and yourself.

If you feel overwhelmed, stop and review your values. Values are what you believe in (trust, responsibility, sustainability).

Learn from your mistakes.

You have two parts, one intimate and one public. The intimate part nobody knows. There may also parts we do not see. Your own opinion will always be biased. Others may see you differently or see what you truly are.

Look outside for help. Ask your partner, friends or parents for their opinion. Observe the rules of communication. If you ask for an opinion, listen. Listen with your heart and be truthful. Do not get defensive, the people closest to you want to help.

Check yourself.

There are external implications of your internal situation. Examining these regularly. Things such as what clothes you wear, posture, do you look tired, are your surrounds tidy and how do you walk.

Be aware of your normal self. Notice how you change under stress. Being aware of those changes, makes it easier to detect stress before it reaches your conscious mind.

A Powerful Force.

Emotional intelligence is one of the foundations of successful life. It teaches you about your emotions and the emotions of the people around you. You use your self-awareness to teach you how to spot your emotions, what causes them and your reaction to them.

Controlling and understanding your emotions can do miracles with your life. It is the job of your mind to put itself between the emotion and the physical reaction. Learning that skill will put your life back in your own hands.

Have a great day.


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dkohsh88 Premium
Hi Stephen,
You shared very good points about emotion intelligence. I benefited a lot. EI is very new to me. I do know about emotion quotient ( EQ ). Share the same view too.

It is important to have good emotional wellbeing and well balance lifestyle. With life getting more stressful, people are struggling to cope with demands and high expectation. There are an increase in people having less satisfaction in life and work.

It is necessary to have an escape route for negative emotions. By engaging in meaningful activities as a distraction. Another good way is to have the right frame of mind in various emotional situation.

To better emotional wellbeing,
David Koh
sbarrow4 Premium
David, everything is a learning experience. Knowledge is a wonderful asset. Controlling our emotions makes it easier to grow and learn.
Have a great day
GazBower Premium
Good morning Stephen, I enjoyed reading your post.
It is so true how we can feel on top of the world one minute and then in a flash, out of the blue something triggers a response.
Things like 'I knew it was too good to last'.... 'why does this always happen to me'
Learning to control these for what they are, passing moments is something we all struggle with.

Some more learning for me ahead...

Best wishes
sbarrow4 Premium
Gaz thank you. We will learn together.
Have a great day
RamiSociable Premium
Hello Stephen,

In the 90's the board decided all executives should take a course in EI....reactions and emotions were mixed as there were many other attributes thst were involved such as your upbringing, the level of sophistocation etc. To really get Emotional Intellegence and practice its principles to the optimum!!

Trust you are all well .

sbarrow4 Premium
Rami, how are you my friend. Thank you for your wisdom.
Have a great day
RamiSociable Premium
Your most welcome Stephen!!

Have a great too we are going into night although still light!! ;

DCarpenter1 Premium
Great thoughts Stephen.

I agree -
"I am of the opinion that self-esteem, self belief and/or self-awareness is everybodies weakest link. Lack of belief in our selves is what holds us back."

I can relate to this, it has held me back for many years. I am working hard to break this. A feeling of failure - & often it is difficult to break this & take on something new with confidence.

sbarrow4 Premium
Denis, I am in your club. The important thing is finding what club you belong too.
Have a great day
LMH1968 Premium Plus
Great post thank you very much for sharing
sbarrow4 Premium
Thanks Lisa
Have a great day