A Strange Week
Introduction
Good Evening to all you lovely people at the Great Affiliate Family, as always do hope that you are all keeping both safe and well.
The title says it all from moments of "Oh No" to "How Nice", it really has been a strange week as hopefully you will discover, as usual caring for Yvonne, it could take a while tonight to finish this, I like to check on her every 15 minutes or so, especially as we had a scare in the week.
I do realise that if she does stop breathing, that she is not to be resusitated, I still like to check on her, it makes me feel better, I suppose it is my way of saying that I care!!
The most important thing being that as she as long as she remains comfortable and does not suffer.
The Last Few Days
In some ways it has been strange this week, whilst I am still very tired and in many ways getting worn out, I have had some help to give me a little respite, Two half days of help with a sitter, this has enabled me to go shopping and spend a couple of hours chatting, which has given me a lot of mental relief.
Not sure if it is my life as an instructor and trainer, in other words "I like to chat!", this is something that I really miss, so when I get the chance I tend to over do it.
The weather stopped my plans to go into the garden, the soil is frozen, but it will thaw out one day, at least I hope that it will!
One day when the carers were here they shouted me, usually this means that Yvonne's face has been bleeding or leaking, which I have to clean up. However it was to tell me that she had stopped breathing, I knelt down the side of the bed I remember saying or shouting "No, No, Dear God No", then I felt a movement, she was barely breathing, but she was, then I broke down. My respone did surprise me, as I thougt that I was prepared, got that wrong! It was such a releif when I realised that my dear wife was still with us.
Have been able to look at some ideas for the future when time permits. However this is no rush.
The Next Few Days
As is normal at the moment I just do not have a clue what the new week will bring, as long as I can keep Yvonne comfortable, then that is all I care about.
I have at least two half days of respite which includes one tomorrow morning, at least it gives me a break.
Forgive more this week, I had an early morning call at 5am, usually it is at least 6am. I can feel my eyes closing and it is only six in the evening.
Be happy, healthy and wealthy,
Please do take care,
God Bless.
Stuart
Recent Comments
24
Stuart, my heart breaks for you and Yvonne. Please take some time to pray and ask for strength to be able to accept whatever happens. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Jerry
We think about challenges but what you are experiencing is, to me, the hardest life challenge. Your support and willing to share your personal difficulties with us is therapeutic to all.
Good prayers for both of you.
Rick
As many of us are caregivers, we find your story helpful. My husband is not as ill yet as your wife but probably will be at some point in the future. I have always felt that if we had a plan, we could get through most events.
While what works for you probably won't for others, the situation of a life winding down is similar in many ways.
Best wishes as you are taking care of your wife.
Sami
Hi Sami,
You are so right a plan is needed, I am having to be prepared which Undertakers that I will use, my son-in-law says we have plenty of time, but the other day taught me differently, no matter how long that I have with her, like it or not, I have to be ready.
Take care,
Stuart
Hi Stuart,
Thank you for sharing. Your care for Yvonne is touching. I’m glad you’ve had a little time to rest. Even small breaks help so much.
You’re doing an incredible job. Wishing you calm and happy moments ahead.
Take care,
Boris
I can’t begin to imagine the weight you’re carrying right now, but I want you to know you’re not alone. The love you and your wife share is something truly special, and it’s clear how deeply you care for her. During this incredibly painful time, I hope you find moments of peace and connection, even in the midst of the heartache.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to cry, or even to feel lost. There’s no roadmap for navigating something like this, and it’s a testament to your strength that you’re there for her. Remember that it’s also okay to lean on those who care about you. Friends and family are here to hold you up when you need it.
Your presence with her now means everything. Even the smallest gestures, a held hand, a whispered “I love you” are treasures that words can’t measure. As hard as it is, the love you’re showing her in these moments is something truly profound.
You don’t have to carry this alone. Your WA family is here. You’re in my thoughts, and I’m sending all the love, strength, and peace I can your way.
Howard, words fail me, such wonderful words, the WA Family is my strength at the moment.
Best wishes
Stuart
See more comments
Hello VH
Well, you and I are different in one way. I don't really enjoy going out and about and "chatting". I DO because people come up to me out of no where and start chatting. They even tell me personal things. So, I do chat but try to disengage as quickly as possible. I'm more of a loner...a big introvert if you will although my friends laugh when I say that.
I'm glad that you got the chance to get out and do your chatting. That seems to relieve some of the pressure you've built up in your system. I can't say I blame you. You have a LOT on your shoulders right now. This brings me to another question that I was wondering last night when my brain wouldn't shut down in bed. Are the "carers" that are coming from Hospice? If so, I thought they sent nurses who should be able to take care of any bleeding. Just wondering. At least you get a break.
As far as being prepared, you never will be entirely. I'm sure your breakdown won't be the last either and it's ok. We were given that ability so that it lessons the tension in our bodies. It's normal for that to happen to you.
I never went through this with a husband, but I did something similar with my dad. I was by his side morning, noon and night. I knew as soon as I left, he would go. I could tell he was holding on for ME yet he was not living his best life. I had to go back to work. I was a single mother and used up every ounce of my paid leave. As soon as I left, my aunt went to visit and told him it was ok for him to go. He passed then. I was mad at her for MONTHS and it took me a LONG time to realize that I was being selfish not wanting him to go even when I knew he should.
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings telling you my story. When you're dealing with someone you love so dearly, it's a rough journey when they get so sick. It's so emotional and affects you physically. I was so thankful that the guy who I was dating at the time took care of my 3 children. I was totally unable to function!
There's no answers nor any right or wrong. We each process things differently. You're doing all you can and that's what is important. God will take care of the rest.
Always
Your VW
Hi VW,
What a lovely long and very interesting post from you before I retire for the Evening, that is "posh" for go to bed!
Have just settled Yvonne down for the night, she has been asleep for most of the day.
Found a bottle of 2020 Argentinian Malbec in my wine rack, now open, very nice it is too!
Let me now try to answer your lovely long post.
First of all when you describe what you have been through, it will not upset me, because it is fact, something that I fully understand and am privelidged to be privy too.
Found out why we gel so much, you are an introvert, and guess what I am an extrovert, my leaving certificate from the RAF, described me as "A self- controlled extrovert".
You know what they say, "opposites attract"!!
Having said that I can be a loner, and happy with it!
The carers are not from a hospice, but from a firm that specialises in care at home. They were from the council, but I only got them for so long, this private firm is paid for by the state as we are a priority case due to Yvonne's health, also I believe that I am ex-forces!!
I was a first-aider for 50 years, so have had some previous training.
Must confess that I feel better for my little outburst, think that it has relieved a lot of tension.
Can fully understand how you felt about your Dad, seems perfectly understandable to me, in some ways I think that I have mixed feelings at the moment, I do not want her to suffer, but I do not want her to go either.
What was that saying "In God we trust"
Will close for now dear lady, I am very tired, did have a sitter this morning which has helped.
Goodnight and God Bless,
As always
Your VH x
Sending BIG VIRTUAL Hugs!!!!! Sleep well!
Many thanks for the hugs, guess what! I did sleep well.
Did not ex[lapn that the carers are not allowed to do anything but wash, change and clean Yvonne. I do have access to Nurses should I need them. In fact the carers tell me if there is a problem with her face, which I then sort out, did not explain properly last night.
Sending you some HUGS as well, hope that you sleep well tonight.
As always
Your VH