There's always something I need to learn!
Do I always have to start with listening and inquiry? It's always the right time to listen, all things being equal, it is better to listen first. But all things aren't equal, so there are exceptions. Readers who take our plug for listening as a wholesale ban on asserting their views inevitably get all tangled up. A boss. for example, who wants to address the employee's failure to deliver on schedule might end up in a conversation like this:
BOSS: How do you think you're doing in terms of getting work in on time?
EMPLOYEE: Great.
BOSS: But don't you think there have been a few times when you've been late on important things?
EMPLOYEE: Not really.
BOSS: Well, what about the Pennsylvania Project?
EMPLOYEE: I thought it went well.
BOSS: But don't you think it was late?
Instead of asking this absurd set of leading questions, the boss needs to assert : "Let's talk about the Pennsylvania Project. It was three days late. Let's figure out why, assess the impact, and decide how to avoid this going forward." Once you've set the problem on the table, and shared your view if you have one, that's when you switch into inquiry mode, and from there, you'll use a mix of inquiry and assertiveness.
The touchstone, as always, is purpose. One could imagine a conversation where a boss's sole purpose was to learn the employee's point of view, but that's not the boss's purpose in the conversation above. Use questions when you want to learn and statements when you have something to convey. Ultimately it is the combination of assertiveness and inquiry that helps us pool our insights, learn things we didn't know, and lay the foundation for creative and effective problem solving.
We emphasize listening here because the far common mistake in conversation is failure to listen rather than failure to assert. When we're in a conversation where we feel angry, hurt, fearful, or under pressure, our internal voice roars full blast, and curiously fades away. That's why, to get yourself to listen well during a difficult conversation, you need to remind yourself again and again (and perhaps enlist others as well to remind you in the moment) "I may feel upset, I may feel like I already knew their view, but there's always something I need to learn. In addition to asserting, I'm going to need to inquire, and then inquire some more." As there is always something I need to learn.
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How are you Maria. How are the medical tests progressing. Its the waiting that is so frustrating.
You are absolutely right Bux ~ the waiting is the killer! Pelvic ultrasound is scheduled tomorrow. My Pulmonary Function Test, as well as my Echocardiogram are scheduled on the last week of this month. I am a total mess Bux. I may appear good on the outside but is not as good on the inside! Just trying to hold it together! π
Cheers,
MariaπΉ
Accept that you might be ill and that you might need medical help. Worrying will not change a thing, except perhaps slow down your recovery because your nerves are shot.
I'm dealing with cancer every day and I'm totally cool about it. Try and relax, wait until you see the professionals, and discuss your concerns with them. If you keep talking to yourself about it then your head is going to play ping-pong with all your worries.
Just tell yourself, I'm ill, I've got an appointment on Friday about it, I can't do anything until then.
Right, move on and do something else until Friday.
Bux β€οΈ
I see great potential here with the right mindset, attributes, and attitude. I see the likes of that boss assertive in leading a viable team head-on with lots of room for improvement; however, there is no room for error. Impeccable content. I salute you.
I know πππ
!
Had to do some important stuff Abioi!
Now, on my way to go to my regular job! π
Cheers,
Maria πΉ
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Absolutely, Mariaoi! Even in moments of heated conversation, there is a lesson to be learned - good, bad or indifferent. It's up to us to figure that out.
Susanoi
I like how you think Susanoi! Our brain waves seem to work in similar fashion!
Cheers,
Maria πΉ
Awesome, Mariaoi! ππ»ππ»π
π€π₯π€ π. π