how to tell your story about what you selling

bymikeandei

869 followers

11 years ago

I like your choice of a setting and your characters sound like they could be interesting. You could write a good story for them. But basically what you have here is a setting and character description; not a real start for a story. It's what is called an "information dump" where you're telling the reader a bunch of information instead of showing the reader a story. As a beginning, it does nothing to draw in the reader. This might be good for you as the author to keep in mind when writing - but it's not interesting for a reader.

Your first paragraph is one long sentence that is too confusing and repetitive. Most people know that Central Park is in New York City, so there's no need to mention New York City plus mention Central Park twice in one sentence. To "show instead of tell" you could describe Central Park as it would have been in December of 1902. Talk about the weather, the horses, or gas lights or whatever (I don't know exactly what it would have been like then but you should). Show us the action.

The same with your characters. You don't need to spell everything out up front. Let the reader get to know your characters gradually throughout the story. Instead of telling us Laura was "looking for romance and passion" - show us that by the actions she takes, the way she talks, how she flirts. Same with John. Instead of telling us he found his dream job, write a scene with John actually doing his job and enjoying it.

Basically write so that the reader can draw their own conclusions about who these characters are and what they're feeling. Like in real life, help the reader gradually get to know the people by their action, their dialogue and how they treat other people.

And you need to come up with some "hook" to begin your story. Something that will draw readers in to care about what's going on. Maybe jump right into the middle of the action with a run-away carriage or something. But, as I said before, what you have here may help you as an author but is not that interesting for a reader.

But keep working at it. I think you could have a good story there i wish every one good luck

just be real about what comes to mind, what do you care what people think. say whats on your mind. I Do. PS there are good website stories out there that i have seen

Good luck. Mike