Undesireable .
It has been a tough 6 months for me for sure. Yes, you probably know that I lost my hearing. Pretty much deaf without the help of hearing aids. And thanks to my WA friends and family, I was able to get a pair, so I am back in the hearing world. Boy, it had actually been so long since I heard birds chirping!
Anyway, that led to other issues. With the prescriptions I was taking and the stress of it all. This has made my hair fall out, a LOT. My dad and my son both say, oh you cannot tell the difference. Well I go to the gym everyday and I wear a pony tail. So I know how much hair I have lost. So now I am back to stressing about that.
Quite frankly, between wearing hearing aids (and I am not old!) and the hair loss, has just left me feeling, well just undesireable. Hey I am single, and hoping to some day find my best friend. Now I guess I just need to get back to my happy place first. Been here before. I know that I am no good for anybody, until I feel happy about myself.
So, I have tried a lot of different products for my hair, as well as supplements. I have ridiculously curly hair, and I can see a huge mass of small curls coming in. Its like watching the pot of water on the stove come to a boil. Seems like eternity. I am sure a few months from now, hopefull, I will feel semi back to normal....again.
But anyway, until then I just need to take a few deep breaths and get it out of my head that I am no good for any body. I am sure I am, I just don't see it. So I will bury myself in my work and at least have that aspect of my life going good. Well, that is it. Boring I know, but it is off my chest and somehow I feel better!
Recent Comments
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Hey :-)
It's going to be okay. It will take some time for your hair to grow back.
You are beautiful with hair or not because that's what shows on the outside from the inside.
If the best friend you're looking for is going to worry about your hair, they are not for you.
If you find a best friend that look past what you consider a flaw, that's the best friend for you.
Like I mentioned, you are beautiful no matter what. Don't ever forget that.
Put your mind into your work will help you to stay positive.
Just stay positive you will get through this :-)
Thank you Chrisie and that is why I did not come back to this post and read. It was too much, but I am in a better place now and working on my confidence. Also not worrying so much about what others think. I have a sweet and wonderful son who has been here for me.
I also have some health challenges that can make me feel undesirable as well. The only thing that gets me through is focusing on the good things in life and being grateful for them. Having the support of your Dad and son is priceless. We have to constantly be monitoring our self talk. That said, we do need to vent every now and then. I'm glad WA was here for you.
Blessings to you,
Debbie
Yes Debbie, this was my venting spot! I recently moved to Florida with no family or friends here. My dad has went back home. Thankfully I have my son :)
Don't be so hard on yourself, you've been going through things some of us couldn't comprehend.
Think of yourself first you are right and get to a point where you feel fantastic - start now - you are fantastic!
Continue! Press on! The hardest work is done! Keep showing up, be present, open every door and let events unfold. Life is your stage. This is your parade.
Have a fantastic day!!
Wayne
Yes Wayne, I am ready for the next chapter, hopefully it is a good one! I am getting there. I am a good person, so I do have that on my side :)
Hi Leahrae,
I'm sorry to see you are going though these tribulations. I'm glad you shared this with the community as there is a wealth of love, compassion and insights here.
I just looked up a quote from a commenter on one of my posts that may give you inspiration.
Here is an excerpt: "I do believe the power of prayer is huge! We can rely on all the medicine we want, but it all comes down to lending ourselves to prayer and the power it has."
Does that sound familiar? If not i'll remind you, that comment was from you in a post I wrote several months ago. and you are sooooo right! Powerful words of wisdom to get you through those afflictions. God's love and healing power is immeasurable.
So I would implore you stay in prayer and know others (including myself) will be praying as well (intercessory prayer is powerful!) and the answers and blessings will come.
May God's grace and blessings be upon you, Brad
It's easy to fall into that dark place where you begin judging your self-worth according to what you can do or can't do anymore. I have been there myself fairly recently. Don't feel self conscious. Your family is probably right. I'll bet you're still a lovely lady. But thinking people do not judge by outward appearance anyway. Our entire free society was build upon the notion of the inherent worth of our humanity. Petrarch emphasized inward contemplation saying that there is nothing more wonderful than the inward world of the soul. He is right! So whatever your condition, whether it is going deaf, or hair falling out, There is nothing more wonderful than that mystical realm between your ears. That is what thinking people will value about you. Find "Echo of Silence" by Louis H. Campbell. It's available on Amazon. One of the main characters is deaf. I found it inspiring. I think you will too.
Steve
I am going to check out that book Steve, I think it may be worth it. I have crawled out of my dark hole and trying to get to my happy place again :)
I think you will like the book. I have posted reviews for "Echo of Silence" and other books by Louis H. Campbell. You can check those out at: christianworldviewbooks.org. i know the author personally—very interesting man who adores his wife of 50+ years. She's a very sweet lady! God bless your efforts to get back to your happy place. Cherish those who love you and count your blessings. I will pray for you.
Steve
Sorry that you lost your hearing. Feel blessed that you had some good hearing years though. My youngest daughter was born deaf, so she’s never been able to hear the birds chirping. She’s 40 years old right now and will be deaf her whole life.
There’s always someone in a worse situation than us.
Grant
Yes Grant, I do feel grateful that I did have those years of hearing. Those years to hear my children laugh and talk. I will cherish them as wonderful memories for sure :) And I do feel fortunate, things could be worse. I feel fortunate and I am doing better.
I totally get where you are coming from...I have not had the exact experiences you have with not being ale to hear, however...I have had a time or two of hair loss (due to incorrect applications of chemicals). Anywho, I do understand feeling, thinking and flat out being undesirable.
I am here to tell you that, you need not worry if you are desirable to others. FIRST! You must be desirable to and for yourself. When you master that, then others will automatically be. You must surround yourself with what makes you happy, what makes you laugh, what makes you giggle.
Embrace hearing again and listen to the songs and happiness those chirping birds have just for you. Change the colors around you like getting a pillow with a pop of red! It is spring-time and beautiful blooms are ready to show themselves...Treat yourself to a bouquet of flowers.
I know you are beautiful because you are here!
So wrap your arms around yourself, give yourself permission to have some fun and drop the "Un" Hun!
Thank you so much. And you are so right! I was in a very abusive marriage for 10 years. After I finally got the courage to up and leave (had to go far away), I felt this weight coming off my shoulders. It took me a good 4 years to get to a good place where I felt happy with myself. I guess this is similar in that way. You do have to feel good about yourself as that projects to everyone else.
Leahrae
My dear Matty'smom, my heart goes out to you! I've lost part of my hearing also, but I'm older so it comes with the territory. I cannot imagine what you must be going through, though! The stress that you're going through is probably not helping with the hair loss either. But thank goodness, you can hear with the help of hearing aids and that your hair is slowly coming back. Keep counting your blessings and the days will get better. You are NOT undesirable. There is someone out there waiting for you just as you are! Your son and dad think you are beautiful!
Thank you so much and I know you are right, one day I will find that person who thinks I am perfect just the way I am :)
I don't want to sound like I'm trying to dismiss your comments but when I read this I hear someone who's going through or been through what someone else might be going through right now. I don't know of a better source for inspiration than that. That said I think you might have 2 niches you can speak to right now:
Hearing Loss and your options
Hair Loss and your options
Those both sound like great niches with potential. Have you considered working those angles and building your following? I'm asking this before even looking and what your'e doing so maybe you already are but from this little bit that I read I think you can really hit that personal level with others who have or are going through this. For those that have they can turn you onto solutions you may not know of and for those who are you can be their guide.
At any rate focusing on work or other positive activities will be more beneficial than focusing on negatives or going down the path of depression. I've found that most negative opinions of oneself are so exaggerated by that person's self image view and are way more critical than the opinions of others.
Your picture looks great to me!
Keep in there,
Scott
Yes I have Scott. I have actually (thru WA) found another gal who has a hair loss niche, so I won't step on her toes, as her website has been a lifesaver for me. But I am going to pursue the hearing loss niche :)
Leahrae
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I understand you are struggling with how you feel the people around you see you. In time you will be back to your original self. I'm glad to hear that you can hear now and that this was only temporary. I think focusing on your work and keeping those negative views of yourslef away is best! Otherwise it's a poison.
It is a poison, so I purposely did not look at my post again until I knew I was in a better place :) I still don't have all of my confidence back, but I am getting there little by little :)