This Will Always Define Your Success Or Failure In Life

Last Update: November 25, 2015

Can I ask you a quick question?

What's Your Self Talk?

Well I guess I should define self talk first.

Self talk is that inner dialog in your head that you're having every single day of your life.

In short, it's your daily vocabulary?

It’s the words you constantly say to yourself, it’s the words you use when you have challenges, it’s the words you use when you ask questions.

It’s the words you use when you’re speaking to others. It’s the words you use to describe the experiences in your life.

The words you use can either help or heal. Make you cry or laugh. Create or destroy, comfort or cause pain, create success or produce failure.

You must realize the power your words have and choose them wisely. You see the words you use create emotions, and those emotions create your action, and from those actions your life is formed.

Where you are in life right now is due to your current Self-Talk, that running dialogue in your head.

It’s shaping your destiny. It’s determining how you think, how you feel, how you act and how you LIVE!!

You need to constantly be aware of your vocabulary making sure it’s pulling you in the direction you desire instead of a pulling you away from your desire.

Remember you’re in total control of your life.

So if you’re not where you want to be right now, you can change your destiny in an instant by changing your Self-Talk, which will change your focus, and this will change how think, how you feel, how you act and how you LIVE!

So how do you know what you’re current Self-Talk is and how do you change it?

Well First look at your life, is this where you want to be? If not, you need to change your focus, and you do that by changing your self talk.

Let’s go through the most common self talk, and you’ll see what I mean.

When an event or challenge happens in your life how do you react, what do you say?

Let’s start with the questions you’re asking yourself. And remember if you’re saying it out loud you’re saying it to yourself, and vice versa.

For example, maybe the question you keep asking yourself over and over again is this:

“Why can’t I be successful online?”

When you ask yourself a question using words like that the answers you get are usually something like:

  • “I’m not successful because I’m not smart enough”
  • “I’m not successful because I’m not educated enough”
  • “I’m not successful because I’m not prepared”
  • “I can’t succeed because I have no money”
  • “I’m not lucky”

And on and on…

Wow!! No wonder you’re not successful online. You’re focusing on not succeeding and you keep reinforcing that destiny with that question and getting those answers.

Remember your brain is like a computer.

“Garbage in Garbage Out”

So if you ask yourself a bad question, you’ll get a bad answer.

Simply change the words in the question.

What you want to do is ask yourself a question that pre-supposes a positive out come. And this will make you change your focus, which changes your thinking, and then changes how you feel and then you’ll change what you do.

Very simple but, oh so powerful! Remember Ask and you shall receive.

So instead of saying “Why can’t I be successful online”

Change it to:

“What changes do I need to make in order to become successful online?”


“What do I need to do to succeed online each day?

What type of answers do you think you get now?

  • I need to focus on one marketing strategy.
  • I need to stop buying product after product.
  • I need to follow a proven plan.
  • I need to find a mentor.
  • I need to dedicate 2 hours a day to building my online business

And so on and so on.

Because you’re asking the right question which is giving you the right answers you’re focused on succeeding online and that will keep pulling you in the direction you want instead of pulling you away from what you want.

So remember, if you ask a better question you’ll always get a better answer.

Ok, when you’re faced with a challenge, what do you say?

Is it something like

“Why does this always happen to me?”


“Why did this have to happen now?”

What kind of answers do you think you’re going to get to those questions?

  • Because I’m not prepared
  • Because I deserve it
  • It’s my lot in life
  • That’s just the way it is

And so, on….

Instead of asking that kind of question and getting those lousy answers.Ask yourself…

  • How can I solve this challenge as well as have fun doing it?
  • What is great about this challenge and what can I learn from it while I solve it?
  • What’s not perfect about this challenge, and how can I change so it’s the way I want it?
  • How can I turn this challenge around?

Again, if you ask a better question you’ll get a better answer. Better answers will always pull you in the direction you desire.

Or when you’re faced with a decision regarding your goals.

The ultimate question you can ask yourself and add to your daily Self-Talk is this:

“Will This Bring Me Closer To My Goal Or Further Away From It?”

By simply asking yourself this empowering question, and by truly answering it and taking the appropriate action.

You can pretty much guarantee you can achieve anything you want to achieve.

So once again, ask a better question and get you’ll get a better answer.

For example a big challenge for many people, is losing weight. It’s hard, but if you’re using the right self talk this challenge becomes a lot easier.

For instance, let’s say you’re grocery shopping and you’re doing all the right things by buying the right food, and then it happens, you have to pass through the bakery section, there’s no way around it.

All those mouth watering, sweet filled oyey goyie, treats, that you’re not suppose to have too much of, what’s a person to do. You find yourself standing in front of the counter eyeballing a double chocolate, cake with a white chocolate frosting topped with chocolate shavings.

And you’re seriously thinking I want that whole cake. Ask yourself the ultimate question:

“If I eat this cake will this bring me closer to my goal of losing 20 lbs or further away from i?”

And by truly answering it and taking the appropriate action. You’ll be fine. I never said it would be easy, but if you are truthful and honor yourself you will be fine.

Then, say to yourself, once I reach my goal my reward will be one small piece. And then every time you go grocery shopping you can now use that chocolate cake as your continued motivation to reach your goal.

Here’s another example of how the right Self-Talk will empower you.

Let’s say someone is having a bad day, and you have the joy of running into this person.

And this person is more then happy to dump all over you and your day because they feel it’s their duty to ruin yours and everyone else’s day. You know the saying “If I’m having a bad day everybody else is going to”.

Plus they’re not looking for advice or help they’re just in full blown bitch mode.

Because of my Self-Talk nobody gets to decide how my day is going to be but me.

Now if it came to the point where I had to say something to this person because I could not avoid them any longer, I would say:

“I understand you’re having a bad day, but I don’t get involved in other people’s drama and I refuse to allow negativity into my life, I wish you the best with sorting out your day and if I can help I would be more then happy too, but until then I can’t be around you”.

And then I would walk away. Remember people can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

If that’s my self-talk do you think I’m going to have a bad day just because someone else is?

If someone is so hell bent on having a bad day let them, but you don’t have to.

Why would you want to be a passenger in your own life and allow other people drive and determine what you’re going to experience?

Here is some of my daily Self-Talk:

“Helping people achieve their goals and dreams using no agenda and expecting nothing in return. Will allow me to achieve all my goals and dreams”

That one was inspired from Zig Ziggler.

Find one successful event in each day”

How does that set up my day compared to other people?

“Being truthful each day is the best gift I can give myself and others”

I think the boy scouts are onto something.

“I will not get involved in other people’s drama and I refuse to allow negativity into my life”

This is why I have no drama or stress in my life.

If all you do is fill your mind with empowering words and phrases you’ll attract everything you want in life.

You’re still going to have to work for things, but you’ll be working towards your desires not away from them.

Also when you make a statement with the words, not, don’t, won’t, no, can’t … you actually give attention and focus to what you don’t want.

What if I said to you, “Don’t think of the color blue.”

You’re now thinking of the color blue, 100% for sure.

Your conscious and unconscious mind edited out the word “don’t”.

So when you hear or say to yourself… Don’t worry. Don’t smoke. Don’t forget. This won’t hurt… you just give more attention to what you don’t want.

Avoid using these words. Instead of “don’t” use “I prefer”, instead of hurt, use bothered, instead of depressed use, not on top of it, instead of failure, use learning.

The Power Of Words

Once you understand that the words you’re using are determining your destiny, and you see your current self talk is not pulling towards the goals you have, then simply change your focus, change your self talk.

Fill your mind with empowering vocabulary and you can do this by reading inspiring and motivating books.

Hang out with like minded people, if you’re hanging around negative people all the time that’s going to transfer to you.

If you hang out with people that are motivated and inspiring that’s going to translate to you as well. Hey if you want to know how make a million dollars, associate and learn from a millionaire.

Let’s say all your friends currently make between 40 and 50 thousand a year and they have been making that amount of money for the most of their lives, they would be the perfect people to ask how to make 40 and 50 thousand a year.

But they are the last people you would want to ask how to make $100,000 or $200,000 a year, because they have never made that kind of money before.

If you want to know how to make more money then you’re currently making never talk to someone who makes the same or less then you do, always talk to someone who is making more then you.

And the same goes for your destiny, if you’re not where you want to be in life, then you have to take a hard look at where you are and where you want to be and then be willing to make the appropriate changes to make it happen or it’s never going to happen.

There is a great little book out there called The Ultimate Secret To Getting Absolutely Everything You Want.

And you know what that secret is?

In order to accomplish something you must be willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish it.

So if you want to succeed online you must do what it takes.

If you want to lose weight you must do what it takes to accomplish that.

If you want a great relationship you must do what it takes to accomplish that.

It's not complicated. It's not easy, but it's not complicated.

Ok time for some homework, I want you to write down the dis-empowering words you use on a daily basis, and then replace them with words that will empower you.

For example change:

I Hate to I Prefer
Frustrated to Challenged
Irritated to Stimulated
Overwhelmed to Busy
Disappointed to Underwhelmed
Fearful to Curious
to Different
Rejected to Misunderstood

I also want you to write down at least 5 self talk statements that you’ll use to replace the des-empowering self talk you’re currently using.

So some of your self talk could be how you feel. Maybe you're feeling "ok" or "I feel alright" or the standard one "I'm fine"

Sure these are good words, but these are not the most inspiring or empowering words you can use.

So for this example let's change these from a good word(s) or great word(s)

I'm feeling ok, alright, fine to I feel superb, fantastic, outstanding

Once you have done that put them where you can see them and read them out loud to yourself at least twice a day.

Next write out 5 morning questions and 5 evening questions you’ll ask yourself each day.

Your morning questions set you up for success each day as well as giving thanks or being grateful for the things that you have in your life right now, and the evening questions allow you to recognize and honor your success for the day.

To get the balling rolling for you here are the morning and evening questions I’ve been asking myself for years:

Morning questions

  • What must I do to take one step closer to my goals today?
  • What am I really jazzed about in my life right now?
  • What am I really grateful for in my life right now?
  • What am I currently excited about in my life right now?
  • What am I currently committed to in my life right now?

My Evening Questions

  • Did I take the necessary steps today to move closer to my goals?
  • Am I happy with my achievements today?
  • Did I live with honesty and honor today?
  • What did I learn today?

My success in life is due to my Self-Talk, and yes and hard work. But my self talk keeps me focused and on track and allows me to create the destiny I want.

Now it’s time for you to create your destiny, remember you’re the driver in your life, so choose the route you want, don’t be a passenger.

I believe in you

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DouglasNolan Premium
Leo. What an awesome post. I'm not sure any of us truly realize the affect our words have on our lives. This is one I will bookmark AND print out so I can reference in days to come. And as they say in church...Brother that stuff will preach! Thanks for your insights.
leoemery Premium
Thank for the kind words and you're very welcome
dickw Premium
Hi Leo,
Looks like you and Pj have gotten into the book writing business. This is a good book . I know that self talk works, I've used is for years. And it worked so well, I forgot to use it. I just need to use it more.
This post has a lot of good stuff. Hope everyone reads. Thanks.
Speaking of helpful books, here is a great one on self talk.

"What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D.
leoemery Premium
LOL - just sharing what I know and live by.

Yep I've read that, that's a great book.
DouglasNolan Premium
Dick, I have Shad's book on my bookshelf (along with many others along these lines). I've read it several times. I highly recommend it. I think anyone truly interested in changing their life should read it. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.
JudeP Premium
Great post, thanks so much :)
leoemery Premium
You're welcome
rufat Premium
Word can help and word can kill too
leoemery Premium
Very true
vhfan1957 Premium
Right on my friend!
leoemery Premium
Thank you